We are now in St. Croix with Bachelor Sean and the remaining six women. Two will go home this week leaving the final four for the hometown dates next week. It is just so drawn out at this point. Two hours is not needed. By not needed of course I mean it is torturous. This show should be on as a recap for 15 minutes every week online so we can skip the two painful hours. I have margaritas tonight, thank God.
The ladies are dolled up in their best Old Navy clothes, walking through their hotel room. Tierra decides she is going to set up a cot in a sitting room rather than bunk with the other girls. She is a lunatic and I wonder how many of her bags are actually holding her meds. AshLee gets the first one-on-one which thrills her and pisses off Tierra. Tierra calls AshLee a cougar because she is the oldest one there at 32.
By nightmare of course I mean when this show is over she is going to milk her 15 minutes and we will see her everywhere. AshLee was so sweet when she first spoke of her adoption and finding a family, but now it is gross. She is going on and on about her struggles and it is no longer cute. She is a whiner and better knock it off already. Back at the house the other women are hoping AshLee rats out Tierra and her bad behavior.
AshLee uses her alone time with Sean to talk about the instability of Tierra. Tattling is never a good thing on this show, but she is doing it anyway. Sean has been annoyed by tattling up to now, but all of a sudden he is grateful for the tattling because Ashlee is so honest and he can trust her. Hang on a minute there Sparky. Sean is as sweet as he is dumb. The romantic music while AshLee talks about their love is making me nauseous.
Tierra gets the next one-on-one date and it appears to be a day exploring the town. That is not good enough for her. She is complaining about the heat and bugs rather than be excited that she is finally getting a date with Sean. She is a miserable bitch and I image she did not plan to be here this long and is quickly running out of her meds. Meanwhile back with AshLee and Sean, she is going to reveal a deep, dark secret from her past.
AshLee tells Sean she got married at 17 and is divorced. She spoke about how blessed she was to have such a wonderful family, now tells us she hated her mom and to escape her and piss her off, she got married while she was a junior in high school, and got divorced by 18. Born again virgin Sean is not marrying this chick. Bless her. He is not going for this and cannot even hide his surprise and disgust. He still makes out with her though.
Tierra gets her date and looks dirty. They shop and he buys her stuff that means nothing to him and everything to her. A parade miraculously appears down Main Street and they join in for dancing. Tierra is medicated and I would love to have one minute to go through her purse. Back at the house AshLee tells the girls she ratted out Tierra so they are happy.
Sean, as directed by the producers, wants to talk about what is going on in the house. Tierra says the reason the other girls hate her is because of him giving her the first rose. He set her up for failure. Interesting ploy. She tells him at dinner that she feels distance between them. Man she is good. She is playing Sean like a fiddle and showing how dumb he is.
The girls are assuming there will be a fight between Tierra and AshLee. It will be lame which is a drag because I am hammered and some chick fighting would be awesome right now. Sean goes to wake up the three group date chicks at 4 am for their day. I am skipping over this because it is too stupid. Even drunk I know this is too stupid. Not good for ABC.
The date is to be the first people in the United States to see the sunrise, then drive across the island and watch the sunset at the end of the date. Perfect date if you ask me. Shame it is them and not me and my Englishman. Some of these great dates are wasted on dumb people. I have nothing against dumb people of course. Except those on The Bachelor.
Lesley gets the next one-on-one date and she is so excited that you know she is going home. On the group date there is one rose and the girls are going to fight for it. Lindsay takes him off and they reminisce about their journey. They are cute and I am ready for this show to be over. He should just pick her I think and get on with it. Enough already.
Catherine takes him off next and tells Sean her Dad will not be on her hometown date because he is in China. He tried to kill himself in front of her when she was 14. Isn’t she the one whose friend died at camp? What the hell is wrong with this chick sharing all this stuff? While heartbreaking stories, she is just weird and I am not into her at all.
It is Desiree’s turn and she starts crying. Oh. My. God. How are these chicks passing their mental evaluations? They are all convinced they will get the date rose because of all their deep sharing, but it goes to Lindsay, who shared nothing. She is just cute and the others must have known that he was going to pass their freaky asses up. Oh dear. Such drama.
Sean is going on his on-on-one date with Lesley. Watching her is like watching paint dry. He is bored and checking in with her to see if she is worth keeping, but he knows it is time for her to go home. She is going on and on about how much she is falling in love with him. Kiss of death. She needs to just go home and meet a nice Republican.
Sean’s sister Shay comes for a visit and brings nothing of interest to the table. Put these two together and we exactly how plain white toast this man is. They are nice, charming, and boring as hell. Sean tells Shay he has concerns with Tierra and they agree Shay should meet her so she can help him decide if she is good, or evil like the girls say.
Tierra confronts AshLee and asks why she is sabotaging her relationship. AshLee is cool and not into a fight. She is a mean girl in the end and I find myself feeling bad for Tierra. Tierra storms off while AshLee goes to talk to the other women. They both accuse each other of lying. AshLee is done, Tierra is calm, and I can feel my liver shriveling up.
AshLee says Tierra’s parents told her she would not do well on the show because chicks don’t like her. Really? Did I miss something? Tierra says her parents told her to not let anyone take away her sparkle. I am now laughing my ass off and it is not only the booze. Did we meet Tierra’s parents and I forgot? I really need to curb my drinking.
Tierra is over it, Sean is there to get her, and I am about to cut myself. Tierra fake cries with no tears and tells Sean how sad she is. She is whining and going on and on about how hard it is and how sensitive it is. She is trying to get a rose up front but in the end she is digging her own grave. He leaves for a minute and she thinks he is going to get a flower.
Instead he goes out for some fresh air and returns to send her home. She is in shock but clearly pissed, then she is out. She puts up no fight which is surprising. He walks her out and the other chicks don’t know what has happened. Tierra apologizes and leaves without any hysterics. This is an epic disappointment and shame of ABC for giving us this crap.
Tierra needed to go home because she was out of medicine. She looses it in the car for a second but who cares. She is crying that she wants to go home and cursing the girls, hoping they got what they wanted. She then must have taken a pill because she goes from hysterical to fuzzy in an instant. Crazy has gone home and one more is right behind her.
Sean comes in and tells the women Tierra has gone home and there is not a cocktail party, only a rose ceremony. AshLee is worried she is going home and cries to add some punch. Lesley is going home but Catherine is crying. Why is Catherine crying? Lesley is crying too but she is cool while Catherine is just weird. Catherine thinks she should have gone.
Catherine will bow out next week and it will be gross. I am not reading any spoilers and so I honestly don’t know how it will end but I’m guessing wedding dress Lindsay is the big winner. By big winner of course I mean big loser because it won’t last. I love the hometown dates so next week will be fun and require less booze for me to keep it real.
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