This show, like all the housewives shows, is not as fun to watch as it used to be. It’s slow, repetitive, and the forced friendships are uncomfortable to witness and simply not believable. Watching stuff that was filmed months ago is a drag because we know how the relationships are now thanks to social media. There is no suspense or wonder of where the ladies are in their friendships because we already know. It is a shame.
We continue to watch however, because we are invested in the lives and lies of these people. Some we sincerely care about, and others not so much. Either way, even when it is bad TV we watch, which says as much about the viewers as the people who feed us this crap. It’s not all crap of course. Only about 90%. I kid. (Not kidding.) This week starts with Carlton who is preparing for her raunchy pool party. Buckle up prudes.
Over to Kim, she is doing a fan convention and she is adorable. She looks beautiful, is amazing to her fans, and this is exactly what we have been waiting to see. She was a huge star back in the day and this is awesome. Jimmy McNichol comes by to visit and I remember thinking he was divine when I was a teenager. I want Jimmy and Kim to date and get married. This was the best thing of Kim we’ve ever seen. Ever.
Back to Carlton, it is pool party time. Naked people greet them at the door and Lisa is not impressed but Brandi thinks it is fabulous. Brandi looks amazing, as does Yolanda. Lisa immediately starts nagging Brandi who is almost as annoyed as all of us. Yolanda tells Lisa to stop and Lisa speaks of Brandi as if she is a child. We are finally seeing the reason this friendship disintegrated. I hope they get back on track.
Jacqueline arrives as does Kyle. Yolanda is talking about Gigi going off to college, which makes her evaluate her friendships. Lisa is making jokes about her sex life. Again. Enough. Kyle looks at Carlton’s new tattoo and asks if it is a Jewish Star. It is actually a Star of David Kyle, but okay. Carlton is immediately offended and wonders why Kyle doesn't know a Star of David has 6 points and hers has only five.
Sidebar: Like Kyle I was offended by Carlton’s reaction to her asking a simple question. Like Carlton, as a Jew I am mortified Kyle did not recognize a Star of David. The entire thing was a shame and frankly we didn’t need to see it. Carton is sensitive, Kyle is a moron, it does not matter, and I don’t care. That said, it will be a topic of discussion for many and so having been labeled the “Jewish blogger”, I'm out of it.
Back to Kim, I LOVE HER TONIGHT. She holds some weird silicone doll that freaks me out, then gets a pin from fans. It is a turtle pin of their great-grandmother’s and they want her to have it. It really is lovely and I am impressed by Kim’s reaction. We are seeing Kim the superstar and it is wonderful. Cut to the party, everyone gets in the pool except Kyle, who offers the skinny ones a French fry. It was quite funny.
Carlton admires a necklace of Kyle’s and Kyle takes it off and gives it to her. Carlton is touched and thinks maybe she was wrong about Kyle. She wasn’t, but it was a nice gesture by Kyle, even if there was an ulterior motive. Maybe I too am wrong about Kyle. I invite Ms. Richards to come do an interview about Judaism, faith, and how being judged is hurtful. Anytime Kyle. My Jewish Journal readers are waiting.
We head to Yolanda’s where she is making lemonade. Yolanda and her lemons crack me up. Her daughter Bella is beautiful. They are painting a wall piece for Gigi to take with her to university in NYC. I think Yolanda is magnificent. I really do. Back to Kyle, she says acting is who she is and it makes me laugh. She did a few things, but Kim was a superstar. Kyle makes a joke abut being a Jewish mother and I don’t get it.
Over in Malibu, Lisa cancels on Yolanda a minute before she is to be there. Not cute. Jacqueline arrives to along with Carlton. Jac is annoying with her sugary sweetness and Carlton is clearly hung over and little frazzled having just had her party. Yolanda has a crystal in her kitchen and has Carlton hang onto it for calming. It is a lovely gesture and Yolanda is the best hostess in the world.
Yolanda gathers up lemonade and wine to take to where they will work and Jacqueline says they can leave the wine and bring it down later for Brandi. Really? She truly is a hurtful bitch. Carlton immediately speaks up and tells Jac to not label Brandi as a drinker. I’m not into the darkness and this Yolanda thing better not wreck an otherwise enjoyable show. Can’t they give us one week of fun?
Kyle is shooting Days of our Lives and I want to cut myself. She is boring her makeup and hair people to tears. Sidebar: Why did we watch her get her hair and makeup done at home to then watch her get it done at the soap opera? Bad editing. Jumping back to Malibu, Brandi arrives and Jacqueline truly is an ugly person making a comment about Lisa being a member of the dream team.
Carlton, Jacqueline, Brandi and Yolanda are painting and David Foster stops by for a quick minute. Carlton was given the necklace by Kyle, then had a dream about Kyle talking badly about her faith. Jac says Carlton is full of shit but only to the camera, not her face. Jac belittles and dismisses Carlton’s faith, says she does not believe in any of it, and Carlton says she will put a spell on her.
Brandi crosses her fingers at the thought, which is funny. Jac is clearly team Kyle, probably because Kyle is the only one who tolerates her boney ass. I like Carlton. She scares me, but I like her. Cut to Jac telling Kim Carlton is going to put a spell on her, then her husband got violently ill. Yay! This show was good this week! Next time we go back to dark and nobody keeping it real.
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