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RHONJ – Time To Go Manzo

by Ilana Angel

August 27, 2012 | 7:23 am

Photo by Tommy Garcia/Bravo

This week is what seems like the 8th week in Napa. The show is all about everyone talking crap about Teresa, her defending herself, chicks fake crying, men acting like children, and the fans getting one step closer to being alcoholics because it has become near impossible to watch without a drink to take the edge off.  It is a train wreck and Caroline is to blame.

The entire family is calling Kathy a saint for putting up with Teresa not thanking her in a toast, which is lame.  Teresa spoke from the heart about her brother and her hosts, and Kathy is an idiot.  She is a troublemaker, a whiner, has chosen to be on the side of hate instead of family, and it’s time for her and her deuchebag, creepy husband to be cut from this show.

To deflect from the tension, Joe Gorga tells everyone to get into the hot tub.  Juicy joins him and Albie Manzo wants to know when it’s going to get gay. I think it is hilarious.  Albie is not getting undressed until it starts getting gay?  The entire Manzo family is a waste of time on this show and they need to move on.  By move on, of course I mean get fired by Bravo.

Melissa and Teresa join their husbands in the hot tub.  Caroline is complaining she wants the night to end, and Kathy comes over to be an idiot and stir trouble.  They invite her into the water and she says she does not want to disturb the family love.  She is assured there is love for her, and she says obviously there is not because Teresa left her out of the toast.

Kathy tells the camera that she knows Teresa better than most and she is nothing but a mean girl.  She then tells us she is not going anywhere.  Really? First she is going to hell.  Then she is going to the reality television star unemployment line.  She is trying to cause trouble to seem relevant but the fact is that we don’t care about her and she needs to get lost.

Kathy calls out Teresa and Teresa could care less.  She never excluded her, it was simply not about Kathy.  Teresa calls Kathy insecure, then Kathy gets in the water with her bathing suit wrap on, which is the ultimate in insecure. Kathy then proceeds to confront Teresa about the toast and I am, at four minutes in, opening up a bottle of wine so I can watch it.

Juicy, Melissa and Joe Gorga bail out of the water and you know there is a producer off to the side orchestrating the entire conversation.  By conversation of course I mean an ambush of Teresa by Kathy.  Teresa is not getting why Kathy has a problem, then it gets weird when Kathy starts talking about Caroline, and Teresa’s mistreatment of her.

The entire Manzo family is sitting on a couch listening to them and it’s beyond stupid.  Teresa is telling Kathy she has done what she can to get along with everyone and Kathy is not letting it go.  Kathy is picking and picking and Caroline is starting to fume on the couch.  With each scene Teresa looks normal and everyone else looks crazy.  It is not entertaining.

Teresa walks away from Kathy because it’s stupid, Caroline is ready to fight, and the men are starting to get edgy.  Jac is passive aggressive and Caroline thanks Kathy for coming to her defense.  Kathy says she just wanted to help and they all know her.  Really?  We know you too Kathy and you are a pathetic and desperate bitch who is looking to stay on television.

Caroline is bashing Teresa, and Jac and Melissa want nothing to do with it. Caroline is saying Teresa has many faces and the tension is rising.  Teresa comes back and Caroline is ready to rumble.  She says she can’t even look at Teresa and seriously, it is hilarious.  Caroline has gone too far and nobody is trying to reel her back in.  She is digging her own grave.

Teresa says she is not sure what to do to make things better, and Caroline continues to throw her under the bus.  Caroline is acting like a spoiled bitch. Important to note that Caroline Manzo has not brushed her hair all season and it is getting nasty.  We are back to talking about the tabloids and we are reminded this entire season is about hating Teresa for no reason.

Sidebar:  The editors of this show need to get fired.  The camera goes back and forth between the men and women and it is clearly all scripted.  It’s as if they are telling the women, hold your fight for a second, we will be right back, they play the women in the background screaming, but show Caroline smiling and looking around.  It is fake and offensive to me as a fan.

Caroline is still talking about the cookbook, and we se how jealous she is that Teresa is getting all the magazine covers and she and her children are going nowhere fast.  Teresa is keeping her cool and not getting sucked back into the drama while Caroline is spinning out of control.  Jac pretends to sleep through the big fight and I have an intense urge to kick her while she sleeps.

Is Caroline trying to take credit for fixing Teresa’s relationship with her brother?  Yes she is.  Teresa is amazed at the crap Caroline is spewing while Melissa and Kathy are staying out of it and Jac is fake sleeping.  Everyone is going to bail on the Manzo family because it is clear that a future on this show is more likely alongside Teresa than Caroline.

Caroline calls Teresa a liar, fraud, and disgrace.  Teresa is offended but holding it together.  Caroline says she learned a lot about her through spending time with her family.  Teresa is now fuming and asks Kathy if this is what she wanted when she stirred trouble.  Kathy tells the camera she thinks maybe she made a mistake getting involved.  Really?

Kathy is irrelevant to this show and she was scrambling to figure out a way to stay on it, but picked the wrong side.  She sided with Caroline and it is now biting her in the ass.  Melissa did the same thing and quickly saw where the opportunities were and switched teams.  The show is imploding and in the end the only way to save it is to dump the Manzo clan once and for all.

Back to the men, Chris Laurita is telling Juicy he is unhappy he told people he was shady and Juicy denies it. There is tension for a second, then they get over it.  The men all kiss and you see a genuine affection for each other, which is nonexistent with the women.  They are not friends, do not like each other, and need to come to blows and start pulling hair already.

Caroline is being a crazy bitch, Teresa is standing up for herself, and it’s lame.  Teresa goes to Juicy for backup and Juicy calls out Caroline and tells her to let it all go.  The book was a million years ago and she needs to move on.  Albie says he will attack whoever attacks his mother and Albert sits back and does nothing, which is kind of his thing on this show.

Juicy wants it to be over, Chris Manzo is defending his mother, and Caroline is saying Juicy is drunk and she is worried Albert will go off and knock out Juicy.  The men handle it like grown ups while the bitches are bitches. Albert backed down immediately and you have to wonder about exactly how delusional Caroline really is.  Lauren speaks up and says nothing.

Caroline says she is as Italian as Teresa and I’m laughing.  Who gets to decide who is more Italian? Lauren is back to the cookbook, Caroline is jealous she is not asked to be on magazine covers and Jac and Melissa are ignoring Caroline.  Teresa is now pissed off and cannot believe she is back to defending her fame to people who are jealous and ridiculous.

Teresa is talking to Kathy and lifts her chin so she will look at her and Kathy acts like she hit her and it’s hilarious because Kathy is trying to hard to secure herself another season and I cannot see it happening.  She brings nothing to this show but a disgusting husband and a painful whine.  Kathy sold her soul to devil for fame and he is now done with her.

Caroline is loving Kathy right now and Teresa is done.  Miraculously, Kathy has the magazine story on her phone and starts to quote it.  Teresa is saying it was not a big deal and Caroline is budding into the conversation as if the battle is hers. It is uncomfortable to watch and there is no joy in watching people get attacked in this way.  Juicy is done and he gets his girl.

Juicy tells Teresa they have an earlier flight and they are going home. Lauren and Caroline are calling her a piece of sh** and Carline says “God help us all” which is hilarious because evoking God is not going to help her desperate and black heart.  Lauren Manzo is a total and complete idiot and that she is sharing her opinion is laughable because we don’t care.

Teresa comes back to tell Caroline that she never sold a story about her and Caroline is saying it is over.  Teresa bails and Caroline tells Kathy she appreciates her trying but she is done.  She says Teresa stinks and hanging around with her is making her stink in return.  Caroline is a loser and she is raising her children to be losers too.  Time to go Caroline.

Important to note that the reason Caroline stinks is not because she associates with Teresa, but because it would appear she never washes her hair.  If you are going to be on television, then maybe just run a brush through your hair once in a while right?  She stinks because she is a pig, and in the end jealously has a stench and she bathes in it.

Caroline tells Melissa and Kathy that Teresa has been talking garbage about them forever.  She won’t go there, but they need to know it is bad.  Joe Gorga comes over, Caroline is calling Teresa a beast, and Joe is not having it. He tells Melissa they are leaving and he is standing with his sister on this one.  Melissa agrees and it is the only nice moment on this train wreck.

Lauren says Teresa is lucky her Daddy did not go off on her and I’m laughing. Teresa is surprised but happy Joe and Melissa are leaving with her, and Kathy is in Teresa’s room trying to get more camera time.  Kathy is back peddling say she was on her side.  Really?  We saw you push her under the bus and now you want us to think it was to help Teresa not hurt her?

Kathy is losing her mind because she realizes she picked he wrong side, Melissa wants Teresa to remember they chose her side, and Caroline is crying like a baby in the bathroom.  Next week will mark the return of Dina Manzo but even fabulous Dina can’t help the Manzo’s now.  If Dina sticks by Teresa and not Caroline then she will be the only Manzo to keep it real.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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