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Real Housewives of Orange County Thankfully Ends for the Season

by Ilana Angel

June 6, 2011 | 12:19 am

Who is the real Alexis Couture?

These chicks are out of control, not interesting, and while they are the ones who got the housewives franchise started, it’s time for it to be over.  I will be surprised if Andy Cohen decides to bring these chicks back.  They are not fun to watch.  By not fun of course I mean annoying.  Let’s walk away Andy.

We start with Vicki telling us she has filed for divorce.  She is heartbroken that her marriage has ended, but she is going to put on a brave face and host over 100 people at her home for a party. She ignored her husband for years, and is dumping him, but the party must go on!

Tamra and Eddie are getting ready for the party and she is bitching about Jeana.  Sidebar:  Why does Eddie have such a nice house, a ton of expensive clothes in his closet, but a variety of plastic and wire hangers?  Get decent hangers so your closet does not look like you’re in college.

Gretchen is telling Slade he needs to get along with Vicki.  Her necklace is hideous and Slade makes me want to vomit.  He is almost as unattractive as her handbags.  They are eating omelettes in bed, they look like eggs with dog crap, and why does she have full makeup on?

Alexis has her assistant come over to help her pick a dress because she cannot do it on her own.  Again, I have to say that the hangers are driving me nuts.  How can you have nice things and not have them on nice hangers? You can get fabulous matching wooden hangers for cheap.  Do it!

Jim refuses to go to the party, but she has invited 5 girlfriends to go with her.  Who takes a posse to a party?  Alexis tells us the problem with “liberal America” today is the women think they can do whatever they want, like be President, when they should just be wives.

Is she mentally challenged?  Does she not know that Sarah Palin is going to run for President and she is not liberal?  Does she know how to spell liberal? Does she know how to spell anything?  And how does she drink when she has no feeling in her upper lip?  I can’t stand this chick.

She is a throw back to the fifties in her thoughts on relationships, which I think is charming, but she looks like a hooker whore, and while her lack of intelligence makes her very entertaining, she is completely unappealing and seems to have a skewed view of what Jesus would do.

Vicki’s son Michael says he is sad about Vicki’s divorce, that Donn is the only father he has known, and his relationship will stay the same.  Her daughter Brianna says Donn has called her and she has not called him back because she does not want to deal with him.  Not cool.

She has no personality and I feel like every time she is on the show it’s wasted time.  She could not be more boring, insensitive, or ridiculous.  Vicki is complaining that she has not spoken to Donn since she filed for divorce. Maybe it’s because you never told him, just served him?

Tamra goes to check on Vicki and Vicki tells her she needs to tell people not to talk to her about Donn. She files for divorce, does not tell anyone, they all learn about it online, then she wants her friends to tell people what they can and cannot talk about?  Just cancel the party.

Vicki is crying and not one inch of her face is moving.  Tamra’s lips look like a duck.  Tamra is trying to get Vicki to stop crying and it’s funny and adorable.  She tells her to rub her boobs to stop crying and to think about insurance.  She was the perfect duck.  I mean girlfriend.

Jeana arrives and is a pig.  Fernanda arrives and is invisible.  Quinn is there in a ridiculous wig.  Tammy is there, nobody cares.  Why were these old housewives invited?  They are off the show because we didn’t care about them, so why bring them back?  Cancel this show!

Peggy’s breast implants make her look deformed and her hair looks like it’s made out of straw.  She goes off on Alexis telling her that she keeps trying to make her feel bad.  I’m with Peggy on this one.  Alexis does not understand what Peggy is saying because Alexis is a moron.

Peggy talks to Jeana and tells her she should apologize to Tamra. Tamra cannot control her anger and she goes off on Jeana.  Jeana says Simon never hit Tamra and that Tamra lied.  Tamra starts screaming at Jeana that it’s none of her business and she needs to stay out of her life.

Tamra gives her a letter from her attorney, Jena threatens to throw her in the pool, Tamra throws a glass of wine on her, then wine is flying, people are pushing, there is yelling, Tamra tells Jeana she is going to hell, and Jeana understands why Simon is divorcing her.  Blah, blah, blah.

Jeana is pathetic, walks home, and immediately calls Simon.  Tamra should be ashamed that this is what she is putting out in the world for her kids to see, and Quinn needs a new wig.  Eddie is the only one that does not look like an idiot.  Wait, he’s with Tamra, I take it back.

Gretchen ends the season still with Slade.  Tamra is almost divorced and has introduced Eddie to her young kids.  Brianna moved back with her mom and has a relationship with Donn.  Vicki is moving ahead with the divorce and selling her house.  Then we get the golden nugget.

Alexis reveals that Peggy used to date Jim.  No wonder she is so jealous.  How can you be good friends with the woman who used to bang your husband?  What would Jesus think?  Peggy was an interesting addition for a minute, but she has nothing worth watching for.

I am happy this season is over and honestly think Orange County should be retired.  It has run its course and needs to go away.  We watched, we laughed, we blogged, and we’re done.  The reunion next week looks great and so I think I can hang on for another week and keep it real.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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