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Real Housewives of OC Go Downhill in Canada

by Ilana Angel

July 8, 2013 | 8:27 pm

Before we even get started, I just want to say that I think Lauri Peterson is vile.  She is so desperate for money and fame that she is selling her soul to the devil to get it.  She is on a mission to hurt Vicki and for Bravo to allow it, is ridiculous.  I think Lauri is an idiot who married well, if you think marrying a pig is marrying well.  It is only my opinion of course, but this is America and I get to share my truth, so there you have it.

We start with Alexis and Lydia, who are talking about the upcoming girls trip to Canada.  As a proud Canadian I am thrilled they are going to the Motherland, and grossed out that these bitches are going to the Motherland. Alexis gives Lydia a bible to give her comfort during the trip, should the ladies act up.  It is a lovely gift, I collect bibles, and so nice job.  It made no sense really, and was ust a way to give Alexis camera time and suck up to the bible belt.

Cut to Tamra and Heather shopping for Canada, which is just an excuse for Heather to talk about how she booked another sitcom.  Blah, blah, blah. She’s an actress.  We get it.  They are talking about Lauri going on the trip and let me just ask, why?  She is not a part of this group and she should not be going.  Dumb bitch.  Tamra tells Heather about the gossiping that Lauri and Gretchen are doing about Vicki.  I feel bad for Vicki.

Gretchen, Alexis, and Vicki are all packing for Whistler, and the camera goes back and forth between the three of them.  Gretchen is an airhead.  Dear Lord she is dumb.  Alexis might actually be smarter than Gretchen. Vicki is Vicki and that she is being ripped apart, as the only original housewife, is lame.  It’s only a television show of course, and there is not a lot of reality, but the reality is that Lauri is evil and she should be let go.  Again.

Lydia has the most glorious hair and Lauri’s face is actually caving in from so much work being done to it.  The gang arrives in Canada and it is awesome.  I grew up in BC and to see it, if only for a second, is great.  Heather brings up her sitcom and she is so hell bent on proving that she is a real actress, she makes a fool out of herself.  Who cares Heather?  Gretchen and Alexis got calls too, but it was NOT THE SAME PART. Got it Heather.

They arrive in Whistler and Lydia’s uncle arrives, as he has driven up from Vancouver.  Come on! Does anyone else notice that he looks EXACTLY liker her husband.  Seriously!  It is creepy, but sexy, but creepy, but still sexy is a completely creepy way. The ladies all arrive to meet Uncle Handsome and Vicki is chummy with Lauri, which pisses off Tamra because she is annoyed by the rumors Lauri is spreading. Tamra better step up.

They are all having a drink, flirting with Uncle Handsome.  Vicki is pointed out as being the single one, and Uncle Greg lets everyone know he has a girlfriend.  Smart man.  Heather is leaving, after 6 hours. So freaking stupid. She never should have gone, and only went so she could talk about her sitcom, because remember, SHE IS AN ACTRESS.  This show sucks and before you comment on the typos, I’m on my 2nd glass of wine in 29 minutes.

They head up the mountain to ski and Lauri, who is mentally deficient, says there will be “flat hills up there”. Dear Lord. Gretchen and Lauri immediately start talking about Vicki’s threesomes.  Lauri is now denying she said it was a threesome, which is ridiculous.  Tamra is going to step up and tell Vicki, so good for her.  Alexis does not believe the rumor is true, so good for her. I hope Lauri is called out for being the garbage she is.

Sidebar:  Who wears this much make up to go skiing?  False eyelashes?  In the snow? Really? Dumbasses.  Those who ski are skiing, those who board are boarding, and Tamra takes Vicki off to tell her about what Lauri has been saying.  Important to note that I would be surprised if Vicki were on a ski team. Ever. Tamra spills the beans and Vicki is pissed by the accusation of her ever doing something so filthy.  I hope Vicki goes ape shit on Lauri.

Tamra tells Vicki to talk to Gretchen.  Good for Tamra.  Gretchen comes over and Vicki asks her about the rumors.  Gretchen tells Vicki what whorebag said and Gretchen is mad at Tamra for telling Vicki.  Gretchen thinks Tamra needs to pick a side and be friends with either her or Vicki, but not both. Gretchen says Lauri said she cheated, Vicki admits that she cheated, but she was separated, and Gretchen says she is a serious liar.

Vicki has no problem with the fact that she cheated, it is the threesome that she is struggling with because that is dirty and Vicki does not do dirty. Bless her.  Vicki reminds Gretchen that she cheated on Jeff, and that sets Gretchen over the edge. Gretchen calls Vicki an idiot as Lydia, Alexis and Lauri arrive.  Vicki confronts Lauri, and Lauri denies she ever said she had a threesome, only that she was in bed with two people.  Oy vey.

I am willing to bet my right boob, which is fabulous, that Vicki never had a threesome.  I am also willing to double up and throw in the left one that Lauri has.  This is so stupid.  They are screaming at each other like lunatics and I am mortified that I am watching.  Lauri has an agenda. Shame on her.  Vicki cheated, got it. Lauri is garbage.  Did I say that already? Lauri says she feels betrayed and I am laughing my ass off.

She talked about Vicki ON CAMERA, so how was she betrayed?  I am so over this show.  Fun to blog about, but more to point out how gross they are as opposed to how entertaining they are.  Vicki is pissed but in her childish tantrum she looks crazy, and more interestingly, guilty.  Who cares?  These woman are not only the oldest franchise, but their storylines are old.  I hate this show and I only watch now to blog and keep it real.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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