Typos are generously sponsored by Mr. Jose Cuervo.
Not since a table was flipped years ago have the Real Housewives had such a definitive moment as they did this week. Important to note the table flip of Teresa from RHONJ was unplanned, unexpected, unbelievable, and an authentic moment of anger. It was one of the truly real moments of reality TV and even those who don’t watch know about it. In comparison, when Aviva from RHONY removed her artificial leg this week it was staged, plotted, and ridiculous. I want to put it out there right from the start that Aviva Drescher is a moron and this stunt was a desperate attempt to keep her job, but we will get to that soon.
Back to the beginning, we start with Sonja who has sprained her ankle and is in bed being nursed by interns. They bring her ice in an old dishtowel and she cannot deal with the aesthetic of it and insists they bring her a French towel. Sonja is perfect TV because you never know what she will say or do, but whatever it is she gives 100%. Ramona and Kristen come over and Sonja explains LuAnn left the part with Harry and when she chased after them she fell and twisted her leg. Tyler the intern heard Luann tell Harry she was single and Sonja is heartbroken, yet not terribly surprised. Ramona blames LuAnn. Me too.
Kristen is now home and her selfish husband is there having a meeting. Kristen is delusional about what her husband is able to give and it is sad. Josh is planning billboards for his company and Kristen wants to be the model for them. Josh says he will think about it. I call bullshit. Josh is trying to make himself not look like the asshole we know he is. This is fake. Kristen questioned his billboard in front of his colleague and he took it this calmly? She came home for 3 minutes during this meeting and immediately left? Come on. This was scripted and didn’t work because I didn’t believe it and still think Josh is a douche.
Back at Sonja’s, she is crawling down the stairs and it is hilarious. I guess she forgot she has an elevator. She is planning a party for “Team Sonja”. All the people who help her live her life and be fabulous. It shall be at Le Cirque and include the other ladies, although I’m certain they are not all Team Sonja. LuAnn has come for a visit and Sonja is confronting her about leaving the party with Harry. LuAnn denies all wrongdoing and says nothing happened with Harry. LuAnn is a slut who sleeps around and I would bet money she slept with Harry. LuAnn is desperate and she pronounces Sonja in an annoying way.
Sonja forgives LuAnn and I want to shake her. She is too nice and repaid by being dumped on by a lot of people. Over to Heather, she is hocking some bag company that gives proceeds to children’s causes. Good for her. Carole comes by to look at bags. Heather speaks of her son Jax and ear surgery. Jax is a gorgeous kid and Heather is amazing. Carole talks about her husband’s illness, from a million years ago, and I think it is odd. I also think it interesting that it appears Carole does not wash her hair. Ever. I like Carole and think she is interesting, just not so much on this show. Such a shame she is boring here.
Josh has hired Kristen to model for his billboard. She keeps calling him playa and is excited about being on a billboard. Kristen is ridiculous and she can be a one season housewife as far as I’m concerned. I imagine she will be back though so we can continue to watch her marriage implode. Cut to Sonja, she is having lunch with Harry. She calls him out on leaving with LuAnn. He makes up some crap and the whole thing is ridiculous. Sonja and Harry will be friends forever but he is not the one for her. She needs to move on. When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. Harry is a pig.
Sidebar: My son just came into my office and asked why Steven Tyler was on the Housewives. It was Carole. That is funny. Over at Carole’s, her apartment renovation is done, looks fabulous and Kristen and Heather have come to see it. The ladies don’t understand the friendship between Sonja and Aviva, then Kristen says Aviva is an outsider in the group. I don’t think the new girl gets to determine who is an outsider. Kristen is jockeying for her position. Remember when Sonja said there was a pecking order? Well there is one and it starts with Sonja and Ramona, not Kristen. She is bugging me.
Ramona and Carole are out for lunch and I am disgusted by how Carole eats. She talks with her mouth full and chews with her mouth open. Ramona says she dated Fabio. Ugh. She also says Mario and her have a great sex life. Really? He was sleeping with someone when this was being shot so he was either banging his wife and his mistress, or Ramona is a liar. Tough call. She spun a tale about how great her marriage was and in the end not so much. Apparently she is back with Mario, so good for her. They have a life together and she'll have the pleasure of making him pay for it for the rest of his life.
Time for the Team Sonja party. There are a lot of people there, very few we know, and the girls are all arriving. LuAnn has been wearing the same chunky necklaces for years. Time to get a new look I think. Everyone is waiting on Sonja to arrive and nervous about seeing Aviva. Sonja finally gets there and before saying hello to the girls, decides to give a speech. Ramona is screaming in front of the party that Sonja needs to talk to them first. Oy vey. Aviva arrives and the speech begins. It makes no sense. It is odd and quirky and to be honest, I just don’t get it. The speech ends, the schmoozing begins, and everyone is out for blood when it comes to Aviva Drescher.
Aviva is ignoring the girls and they are all chomping at the bit to attack her for faking her asthma. Aviva is a pathological liar with Munchausen disorder and mental instability. Kristen talks to Aviva, who tells her she has lost a lot of weight. She’s clearly been ill. By ill of course I mean mental. The women all sit together at a table and Heather goes in first. She calls out Aviva for lying about the asthma, then Aviva tells Kristen she has been horrific person. Carole says Aviva is the horrific one, and everyone is now jumping on the bandwagon. Things now take a very strange turn. Oh. My. God. What is actually happening here?
Aviva is trying to be funny but it isn't working. She pulls out x-rays, passes out cards to her doctor, and tells them to check up on her asthma. Aviva says the reason everyone is mad at her is because she called out Carole on her writing. That is the straw that breaks the camels back and everyone bails on the table. Ramona calls Aviva out calmly, but again Aviva denies she has any issues with travelling. This is all strange. Aviva sure went to a lot of trouble to come with props and ruin Sonja’s party. Sonja should have asked Aviva to leave. LuAnn, Heather, and Carole are mortified by the entire thing and want to go home.
Aviva is saying she lost weight because she is trying to control her asthma. Heather reminds the group they are there to support Sonja. Aviva is hurt everyone doesn’t believe her. She is throwing around medical records and Heather loses it. She is screaming she wants to go home and Aviva says the only fake thing about her is her leg, which she then pulls out and slams on the table. Everyone is now done, the party is in shock, and as Heather walks away from the table, Aviva throws the leg at her and it lands on the floor. Aviva is a mental case and between her and her dad there are a million reasons to fire her.
Aviva made this move in a desperate attempt to get some press. It worked because it is all anyone is talking about. I think it was disgusting. I wonder how long it took her to come up with this circus game of hers. Aviva Drescher is bad for women, Jews, and amputees. She should be as embarrassed of her behavior as I am sure her husband is. Her kids will grow up to watch this show and realize there is no need to visit their mom in the loony bin as she is simply too far gone. I suppose the hidden blessing is that Aviva has made it easy for her adult children to go to the Hamptons over Belleview. Just saying.
Looking back over the season, it was good. There were great times, all without Aviva, and gross times, all with Aviva. We learned this show works better without the husbands, and that if given the opportunity, LuAnn would sleep with anyone’s husband. We saw Heather is strong, Kristen is weak, Carole is boring, Ramona is never going to change, Aviva needs to be medicated, and Sonja, while quirky, is the one we would most like to be friends with. I'm glad it is over and can't wait for the reunion. It will hopefully leave us with more answers than questions. Not an impossible thing if the ladies remember to keep it real.
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