I didn’t blog about this show last week out as a shout out of support to Alex and Jill, but I’m going to do it tonight because there are things to be said. Not sure I can stick out the entire season, but here is my take on the premier last week, and the follow up of this week. The original chicks are insane and the new ones are boring as hell.
We pick up with no mention of Jill or Alex and it’s weird. An acknowledgment of some kind would have been nice. By nice of course I mean Bravo is anything but nice. We start with LuAnn having a scripted lunch with Aviva, one of the new chicks. LuAnn met her because they are both attractive and attractive women gravitate to each other apparently.
LuAnn tells us Aviva is so poised we would never know she had a handicap. Really? What happened to your manners Countless? She also lets us know she keeps landing on French men. Now we could assume she is talking about the fact that she reportedly sleeps around, but it’s too early in the season to draw those lines. Aviva is pretty, but looks more OC than NYC.
Aviva implies that Sonja slept with her husband, but was not sure if it was during or after her marriage. LuAnn is pretentious and rather rude which is a shame. I think she is lovely, have interviewed her, but think her coming back on the show was a huge mistake. She has now become a fame whore just like the rest of the desperate for money and fame ladies.
Sonja is getting ready to host a party and is surrounded by interns. Really? What are they interning for? Are they getting degrees in “Mental Case Management”? Sonja looks gorgeous, is entertaining, and appears to be seriously lit. LuAnn takes Aviva to the party, which makes no sense. Why go to a party of a woman who banged your husband
Sonja lets us know she does not stir the pot, she stirs the drink. She does not mention whether or not she smokes the pot. The other new girls, Heather and Carole have arrived. What is it with all the overbites on these new chicks? Is that bad teeth or bad veneers? I thought they all looked pretty in the promos, but not so much on the show.
Ramona arrives and LuAnn is still pissed off about her attack from a year ago. Move on. Apparently Jacques bought LuAnn a ring, but she is not wearing it. Why not? Perhaps there is someone better at the party? I’m not sure what is going on with LuAnn, or why she is bugging me, but I’m feeling this season is going to make me not like her anymore.
Mario is checking out the new girl Heather while she talks about her shape wear collection. Really? That is a huge slap to the face of Jill Zarin if you ask me. Not nice, but we have established that Bravo is mean and dumb, not nice or funny. Aviva is talking to Carole about the book she wrote a million years ago and is stalking her. Creepy, not cute.
Ramona’s eye make up is hilarious. She looks like a clown. Meanwhile we learn that Carole hates kids. She says she hates women who talk about their kids, and I’m guessing she is pissed at editing. LuAnn attacks Ramona at the party about her being mad. Again, where are the manners LuAnn? She is behaving in the way she attacks everyone else for.
Sonja says they need to take the highroad, and LuAnn says she is taking the higher road. It is really funny. How old are we ladies? Ramona runs to Mario with spinning eyes and Aviva immediately labels herself as a gossip by running to LuAnn. I am going to hate this season and now that I am a few minutes in, pretty sure this will be it for me on this one.
Carole is apparently a celebrity writer and meets with Allure to do an interview with the Kardashians. Once I heard the name Kardashian I was out and fast-forwarded over this entire scene so I am now operating at a disadvantage. By disadvantaged of course I mean I am pouring wine to celebrate that I escaped watching 5 minutes of this crap.
Heather has her own company and while she is a little odd looking, she is the least offensive of the new chicks. Then she starts talking about her career and I’m over her. She is a namedropper, which I think is tacky. Ramona comes to visit her and the fake interactions are making me want to drink. Well I’m drinking so I guess it makes me want to drink more.
Ramona shows Heather that she is on the cover of the Learning Annex paper, and Heather goes on and on about how great it is, then tells the camera that Ramona might want to rethink the direction of her career for being on the cover. Heather is a snob, mean, and is going to cause trouble. She may be the only reason to watch right now.
It then became a Saturday Night Live skit. Heather says her son needed a liver transplant as a baby, and Ramona responds with the news that Avery was born dead. It was hilarious. Not the kid part of course, but how Ramona needed to one up Heather. Did I promise I would blog both episodes? Can I change my mind? Don’t make me watch this crap.
Aviva meets Sonja to get a mani/pedi and I want to cut myself. I would actually like to cut myself with the pen that was used to script this garbage. We learn that Aviva has a fake leg. She lost a leg when she was 6. The story is actually heartbreaking. She lost her leg in a conveyer belt accident and while sad, she is inspiring and bravo to her for sharing.
Sonja says she is touched that Aviva shared her story with her, which makes me almost pee my pants. She told the world Sonja, not just you. This is what Bravo wanted darling and is in no way a reflection of your budding friendship. I am now begging you all to tell me I no longer have to blog this. It’s official, this is it. My one and only RHNYC blog.
Sonja, Ramona and Heather are at drinks and Ramona is humiliated that Sonja also did the Learning Annex. I wish my power would go out. Heather says her dad died a week ago, and mentioned it like she was ordering a drink. Very weird. These new chicks are insane, this show is insane, and I am missing Jill and Alex in a big way. This show sucks.
Ramona is having a dinner party in the Hamptons. Sonja and Aviva are there, as is Heather. Aviva brings her husband, but Heather does not. Heather does not stop talking. She cuts off Mario, Ramona insists she listens, Mario is pissed off she keeps cutting him off, Mario tells Heather she is rude, Ramona agrees with him, and I almost feel bad for her.
By feel bad for her of course I mean she was an idiot to do this show and if she watched even one episode then I can’t feel sorry for her. I just realize the first episode is an hour and a half. Is Bravo high? Sonja mentions her ex-husband as her husband and Ramona tells her, in front of everyone, to not call him her husband. Ramona is a bitch. A big one.
They start throwing around the Yiddish and I want to scream. I’m so done. I am not going to be able to blog the next episode. It truly might make me choke on my own vomit. LuAnn is with Victoria who is doing an art show of her paintings. They are dark and rather disturbing looking. The new chicks come but Sonja does not and LuAnn is pissed off.
Aviva and Heather immediately gossip to LuAnn about the dinner party and we are back in high school. LuAnn is out for lunch with Aviva and Carole and is throwing Ramona under the bus. The gossiping is just too much for me. LuAnn says her kids are calling her “Mommy” so we know it is all a lie. I am not going to be able to recap the next episode.
Heather joins the ladies, LuAnn leaves and the new chicks are left alone to gossip about the old timers. I am going to watch episode two now and will simply make ten statements, then my days of blogging this train wreck are over. I am embarrassed to be watching this show, mortified to be writing about it, and sad that I will probably watch it again.
Here are ten things worth mentioning about this train wreck. They will be my parting words on this show.
1) The non-Jewish chicks married to Jewish men, who have not converted, but are calling themselves Jewish, is odd to me. You are in fact not Jewish. That there is no real Jewess on in NYC is stupid.
2) Aviva’s ex-husband has slept with LuAnn and with Sonja. No mention of whether the women were married at the time, but we know he was.
3) There is no appropriate or acceptable way to make a joke about having one leg if you have two and are talking to a person with only one.
4) LuAnn is meeting in the park to discuss Ramona’s threat to LuAnn about her kids. The entire exchange is horrific and the people at Bravo who put this on are all going to hell. First Class.
5) When someone threatens your children and says she is going to blackmail you, you do not then hug them goodbye.
6) Sonja is living in a multi-million dollar home of squalor. That she is willing to show the way her home this way is proof, in my opinion, that she is not concerned with the feelings of her child, and is probably lit.
7) If you don’t people to judge your parenting skills, or comment on your children, then don’t put them on television.
8) LuAnn is offended people talk badly about her kids yet she speaks badly to her kids, which is worse.
9) Can someone explain to me how Sonja is good for the gay community? She is a hot mess.
10) This is my last blog on this nightmare. The originals are tired, the new ones are pathetic, the fired ones are missed, and Bravo is not capable of keeping it real.
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