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Real Housewives of NYC - Ramona the Roach

by Ilana Angel

August 1, 2012 | 8:59 am

Ramona?

I have been watching this season of RHONYC but not blogging about it. I went in not knowing if I would like the new girls and frankly after the first show thought it would be too difficult to pay close enough attention to write about what I was watching.  It was just not that interesting.

As the season has progressed I find myself really liking new girl Carole, and feeling reality television hatred for the original cast.  It’s not real hatred of course because I don’t know them and it is just television, but it’s the kind of fake TV hatred that requires one to drink while watching.

We all know the people at Bravo are ridiculous and think we are all morons, but what we also know is that this show would have been perfection if they had kept Jill and Alex and fired Luann and Ramona.  That would have been a killer cast instead of cast of we just want to kill.

Carole, Ramona and Sonja are heading to Miami to see Aviva.  Luann and Heather were not included but I’m not going back to recap what has happened so far so we’ll just keep going assuming you all watch.  Carole, my new favorite, goes to pick up Sonja and they are off.

Sonja and Carole go to Carole’s friend Ranjana’s home, it is spectacular and we are soaking it all in when the peacefulness is shot to hell with the arrival of Ramona.  Aviva comes with Ramona and they are not there 5 minutes before Carole is mortified by Ramona’s mouth.

Ramona is a pig.  By pig of course I mean a trashy, vulgar, moronic, stupid, idiot.  She really is horrific and how she manages to be successful is beyond me.  I would not want to do business with this woman.  Sidebar:  Aviva has the most spectacular body and I am totally envious of it.

Ranjana is lovely, elegant in her mannerisms, and perfect in how she handles the pig that has been let loose in her home.  Here’s a thought, if they don’t want to bring back Jill and Alex, fire Ramona and have Ranjana be a new housewife.  I would totally dig getting to know her better.

Aviva is having a dinner party and now Ramona, Mario and Sonja are staying at Aviva’s.  They are rude to their hostess and I now know why it is that I have been avoiding blogging about this show.  Ramona’s voice gives me a severe lower back pain and makes me want to cut myself.

Sonja breaks the shower in her room and goes to hang out with Ramona to get ready. She is in a towel in front of Mario and Ramona says she may need to stay with them.  It’s hilarious because I would bet my left breast, which is quite spectacular, that Sonja and Mario have had relations.

Carole arrives and Aviva is thrilled to have a normal person there. Important to note that as beautiful a Carole is, she would look better if she simply put on a bra.  Even little boobs need a lift.  She has a great body and can wear anything, but it would be better with some support.

Ramona and Sonja are spoiled bitches and Aviva has had about enough.  Sonja is getting dolled up because Aviva is setting her up with her dad, and Ramona is convinced Aviva is jealous of her relationship with Sonja. Ramona, if I may say it again, is a pig.  Sorry to all real pigs.

Sidebar:  Pigs are actually quite lovely.  They are super smart and friendly so it seems mean to compare them to Ramona.  What kind of animal is rude, disgusting, lacks social graces, and has a mate that mates with others? Ramona is not a pig, as much as she is a cockroach.

Aviva tells Carole she needs to have her back with Ramona who is always going off about her fake leg.  I like Aviva but she is a bit of a gossip and drama queen.  She runs from one woman to another and talks about them so it’s bound to backfire in her face at some point and I can’t wait.

Aviva’s Dad George arrives and immediately starts flirting with Carole which annoys Sonja.  Ramona is all over George and it’s gross.  Mario tells George to not flirt with Ramona and I’m laughing because while Ramona is all over him I’m sure Mario is wondering if they can swing.

They sit for dinner and for some reason start talking about Aviva’s ex-husband Harry.  They have a child together and I guess it makes sense he would come up, but Ramona goes over the edge. She insists everyone stops talking about Harry because she likes him and feels it is mean.

Really? Ramona is hissing like the roach that she is and I can barely stand to listen to her.  She is sucking all the joy out of this show and I find myself wishing she would go on the balcony and lean over a little.  That’s mean.  Not really.  I do however wish Jill and Alex were at the dinner.

That Sonja is attracted to George, who must be in his 70’s, is sad to me.  She is really great and her attraction to money first is unfortunate.  Roach is in the kitchen directing the staff how and when to serve dinner, while her disgusting husband spits out his drink across the table.

George is being completely vulgar, Mario and Ramona are loving it and Aviva, who is trying to set her dad up with her friend, is throwing him under the bus in front of her guests.  He cheats on a girlfriend and lets everyone know. It is uncomfortable and not at all funny or entertaining.

The next day they all go to George’s house to hang at the beach.  George is just too much, Sonja is flirting with him, Ramona is jealous, and Aviva is dying.  Sonja is trying to be demure and it is rather sweet.  She thought she was sexual but she’s got nothing on old George.

They are going to hot tub and once again Ramona is all over Aviva and her leg.  This show is the same scene over and over again.  Aviva gossips, Ramona hisses, Carole is embarrassed, Sonja is desperate, Heather is invisible and LuAnn is delusional.  Why do we watch?

It’s the last night in Miami, George pokes his erection into Sonja and she is done.  Even Sonja has her limits.  She calls his erection “wood medicine” which made me laugh.  We are 45 minutes in and I’m drinking wine so my laughing does not mean it is funny.

Carole is back in NYC and goes shopping with Luann.  Why would these two ever go shopping together?  Why would Luann make a Jackie O reference?  Why is Luann on this show?  Carole calls LuAnn out on her asking to borrow clothes from her designer friend and is not pleased.

Luann is delusional and has no understanding of what Carole is saying.  She is quite dumb, not a particularly good friend in my opinion, and needs this show in a way that is quite desperate.  She brings nothing and while money can’t buy you class, she has neither money nor class.

Back in Miami, Aviva takes Sonja aside and rather than talk to her about how embarrassed she is to have set her up with her perverted dad, she asks Sonja for help in terms of the roach.  She does not know how to handle the hissing and while they talk the roach is looking for Sonja.

The best way to watch this show is with a glass of wine while you are vacuuming.  Perhaps another way would be to load your dishwasher while it’s on.  I will blog next week because crap is hitting the fan and I’m into it. The show is total garbage and that is keeping it real.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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