Jewish Journal

Real Housewives of New York Gutters

by Ilana Angel

June 10, 2014 | 7:09 pm

Are these women serious? Why are we watching this? If these were my friends in real life I’d be looking for new friends. The truth is none of these women are really friends. They film a show together and are scripted to be in the same place at the same time. We are not buying it, laugh at them more than with them, and are slowly losing patience and interest. That said, we are watching garbage.

They are in Saratoga. Sonja is leaving because she is mad at the ladies, but when they don’t run after her and beg her to stay, she comes back. They make up and get drunk. Ramona is not there so it is fun. Ramona is a joy sucker. Carole is not particularly nice to the women in her one-on-one interviews and I wonder how she maintains friendships in real life when clearly she cannot be trusted.

Back in NYC, Ramona is going for a driving lesson with her daughter and an instructor. Why would she go? Ramona is annoying and the instructor should have kicked her out. Avery is a beautiful girl, seems to tolerate her mom, and needs to work on the whining voice because no good can come of that. FYI: the spot she found to parallel park in was actually two spots. Whatever.

The ladies are back from Saratoga and LuAnn is hosting a charity fashion show. Why they made LuAnn a minor character and not a full blown housewife this year is a mystery to me. She is one of the gang and actually fun to watch this season. Kick Aviva’s gross ass to the curb and hire LuAnn. Everyone arrives, including Aviva and Miss USA, Nana Meriweather. This poor girl is about to get dragged into the NYC gutter.

Aviva tells us Miss USA had a threesome with her dad and his 25 year old fiancé Cody. Really? Aviva is a lying, disgusting, bitch and I hate that she represents Jewish women of New York in any way. She is a pig. There is a “surprise” guest at the fashion show and I am laughing because it is obviously Kelly Bensimon. That hair and man shoulders gave it away.

LuAnn is talking about the cancer charity she is supporting, while a woman speaks of  her mother having cancer, and Aviva is texting Heather who is at the table. They all laugh and it is shameful how these women act. That Aviva Drescher would try to tarnish the reputation of Nana Meriweather for some camera time is pathetic. I might actually hate Aviva Drescher.

Aviva is going on and on about her perverted dad, at a luncheon for cancer, and I am amazed this conversation is happening. Aviva’s dad swears on her good leg that he had a threesome with Nana and I am repulsed by the whole thing. LuAnn is mortified by Aviva’s behavior and I hope she says something. Kelly is with Carole, who is thrilled to have the conversation be all about her.

As soon as the luncheon is over, Ramona races over to Miss USA and talks smack about her sleeping over at Aviva’s house. This is insane. If I were Miss USA I would sue Aviva, her dad, and Bravo for slander. Ramona is grilling Nana with questions and I cannot believe she is even answering them. Ramona is a bitter hag who has no manners.

Ramona wants to talk about everyone else’s sex life because she doesn't have one. Mario is banging everyone but her, and the public humiliation is making her deflect attention onto others. She is too stupid to see she is making is worse by showing us exactly how gross she is. Ramona and Aviva are gutter pigs who need to have their asses fired.

Over at Sonja’s, she is having a scripted facial at her home with Kristen. Remember when the season started and Kristen was so great? Not so much anymore. She isn't cute or fun. She thrives on drama.  Sonja does the walk of shame and sneaks into her own home having spent the night out for a booty call. I love that Sonja owns her sexuality.

Sonja has had a night of great sex and as soon as she is done with Kristen she is going to invite him over. I love Sonja and while I get her, and say more power to her, people will eat this up and talk smack about her. That is too bad. Kristen is jealous that Sonja is getting laid, as clearly she is not. The facial chick is gossiping, which is fascinating.

The facial chick says Sonja slept with Carole’s ex-boyfriend Russ, while they were together. Sonja doesn't deny it, and Kristen can't wait to tell Carole. For the love of God. These women are disgusting. LuAnn is meeting with Carole, talking about how Aviva talks about sex to be provocative. Really? Carole does the same thing all the time.

Kristen joins in and I must mention she needs a better bra. She immediately tells them LuAnn has a reputation of sleeping with French men so she can dominate them sexually, and she cheats. Kristen then tells Carole Sonja slept with Russ. Carole is not buying it, says Sonja is desperate for attention. Carole has had a lot of unfortunate Botox.

I'm on my second margarita and fired up! This show is pissing me off and we are now at Aviva’s house. Lord give me strength. She is having a party so the women can help her pick art for her home. What? Art is personal so why would you have other opinions? I call bullshit. Kristen arrives in way too much makeup and I am laughing.

Ramona arrives with her gay boyfriend because her husband is on a date with his mistress.  Heather arrives adjusting her Yummie Tummie pants. I love her. LuAnn arrives ready to rumble with Aviva and Sonja arrives half naked. Why are they all dressed up to hang out in her house? So stupid. Did I mention that I hate Aviva Drescher?

LuAnn calls out Aviva for inviting Miss USA to the luncheon. Aviva invited Nana to get a storyline? Good call LuAnn! Aviva is a lair and LuAnn’s balls are fabulous. Aviva is screaming and her nose is growing. LuAnn calls George a pedophile and Aviva doesn't want to be judged. Oh. My. God. Good for you Countess LuAnn.

One of the art pieces was done by LuAnn’s daughter Victoria, and Aviva points out is it a sexual piece and LuAnn should not judge people’s views of sex, particularly her dad since she does not judge Victoria’s art. Oh no she didn’t! We are getting a front row seat to why Aviva Drescher is bad for TV, bad for women, and bad for Jews.

I am a writer. I write about a lot of things, one being reality TV. I get paid to watch TV, which makes me a lucky girl. I am not paid however to slither through the gutter pigs, which is what watching the Real Housewives of New York is. I will no longer blog this show, but will tweet it, as a fan, because I feel the need to keep it real.



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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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