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Real Housewives of New York Dude Ranch Recap

by Ilana Angel

June 18, 2014 | 6:54 am

Tonight's typos are brought to you by a complete lack of interest in this show.

I keep saying I won’t blog this show anymore, then I do. This week nothing of interest happened, but I'm blogging because Aviva Drescher demands it. This woman is a nut job and it is fascinating she is on the show and not tied to a bed somewhere. I love a good neurotic New York Jew, but this woman is mentally unstable and needs to be medicated.

Kristen decides to spend Labor Day weekend in Montana with the ladies. I’m not leaving my kids on the last weekend of summer, and I’m certainly not going with this group of loons. Kristen started off great and while there are moments of greatness, she needs to put on a bra and stop stirring shit. She isn't as appealing as she once was.

Kristen is getting waxed with Carole, while Ramona and Aviva are at a spa. Who cares? I love a good wax but I’m not watching my girlfriend get her chooch done. Aviva is telling Ramona she has been diagnosed with severe asthma and may not go on the trip to Montana because of it. She is also allergic to horses. I call horseshit.

Important to note that if you live in big, polluted city like New York, and you suffer from asthma, a trip to the open and clear skies of Montana would be beneficial. Aviva Drescher is a pathological liar, whack job, and hypochondriac. Bravo insults us as viewers every time they turn the camera on this woman. I cannot stand her.

Sonja is packing and giving a lesson on underwear and what style is suited for each activity and city. How can you not love this woman? Sonja says Ramona told her Montana is a bore and we are reminded Ramona is an idiot and does not deserve a friend like Sonja. I think they should break up. No good can come of being friends with Ramona.

Cut to Kristen and Ramona shopping for cowboy boots. Because that is totally going to happen. These women hate each other but are going shopping? Whatever. Ramona tells Kristen Aviva is not coming because she has asthma. Kristen is not buying it. Aviva joins them. This show is not scripted! That the women kiss each other all the time annoys me.

Aviva brings a note from a doctor saying she cannot go on the trip. Really? She got a note to show the girls? Kritsen calls out Aviva for lying. Here’s the thing, Kristen is not only wasting her breath, but she is also being a bitch. Aviva does not want to go. Period. Laugh at how ridiculous it is she will go to these lengths to not go and don’t take it personally.

Kristen callis Aviva a liar, then Aviva pulls out a baggie of asthma medicine. Oh. My. God. She says if she were not asthmatic se could not use the medicine. Um, yes you can. For example, I am not anxious, yet I occasionally enjoy a Xanax. Aviva then uses her inhaler in protest, which is hilarious because she uses it wrong. Aviva is an idiot.

Ramona doesn't want to to get involved, Kristen is pissed, and Aviva might have to go to the ER for an asthma attack. Dear Lord. I might need a Xanax. Aviva is going on and on about how she can’t breathe and calling Kristen “Lady”. Aviva is clearly a loon, but Kristen losing her shit over it makes her look a little crazy too. Enough already.

Carole and Heather have a scripted visit to talk about the ailments of Aviva. Heather says “kvetching” and it bugs me. I love Heather but the woman cannot pull off Yiddish. I tweeted the same thing and she wrote right back acknowledging it was horrible. She’s a freaking rock star and one of the only reasons to watch this shit fest. Hooray for Heather.

It is now time for our regularly scheduled look into the miserable marriage of Kristen. She is packing, her husband is a shit, she gets upset, he does not care, we feel sorry for her, we all think he is a schmuck. This scene plays out in every episode and it is getting old. I feel bad for the kids who will grow up to see the misery of their parents.

We go to Aviva’s, where she is once again using her inhaler incorrectly. She is talking her husband who clearly could not care any less about what she is saying She is droning on, he is not listening, and I am bored. I feel bad for her husband and her children. She is mentally unwell and needs to be under the care of a physiatrist 24/7.

The women arrive in Montana and there is a wheelchair waiting for Aviva. Ugh. They are driving to the lodge, talking about Aviva, and I am not paying attention. Interesting they are in two cars when they could have put the luggage in one car and all driven together in the other. This show is fake and more entertaining to talk about than to watch.

It is a beautiful place they are at. The lodges are gorgeous, the scenery is divine, and these women are loud. I’m exhausted by them. Sonja and Ramona discuss who has the smaller head and bigger brain. I am now folding laundry and emptying the dishwasher. If they said anything interesting I missed it, but I'm guessing they didn't.

The ladies are now at dinner. LuAnn asks Sonja about the gossiping facialist and gets increasingly upset. Carole blows off she said Sonja slept with her old boyfriend. LuAnn gets in a tizzy about what was said about her, which is weird because when Kristen told her the same thing on the street before the trip, she didn’t seem to care.

LuAnn is defensive, which implies what was said is true. Who cares? Thou doth protest too much Countess. Next week will be more complaining and screaming, with a little crying thrown in for fun. I will say again I am not going to blog this show, but since Aviva will not be in next week, maybe I will because somebody has to keep it real.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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