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Jewish Journal

Real Housewives of New York City RECAP

by Ilana Angel

June 24, 2014 | 7:22 pm

We are still in Montana. For the Love of God. It feels like we have been here for months. The ladies from the Antlers cabin are having breakfast, while the Beaver cabin is waiting for Sonja to organize the fridge. She cannot sleep with the cluttered fridge and it is stressing her out and she is bummed to be with women and not a man. She's so disappointed she almost made out with a squirrel visiting her room. Classic.

Sonja has a ranch hand come help with the fridge, which is weird. She tells him she's not wearing underwear, which is weirder. This trip feels repetitive. Ramona wants the A/C on, probably to help with the hot flashes. Remember when Ramona was 100 years old and thought she was pregnant because her period was late? Good times. They're doing their shtick and while Sonja is funny, Ramona not so much. Whatever.

They are going fly-fishing and we have to watch. Heather continues to be fabulous in a sea of silly. Kristen has a chef coming to make dinner but Sonja and Ramona want to go to town to meet men so they’re not trapped in the cabin. Ugh. Ramona is complaining about the service and lack of household support. When did Ramona become such a Gwyneth Paltrow? She was snobby, but this is out of control.

Time for dinner. LuAnn is still offended by the rumors being spread by the facialist, and Ramona is convinced there is nothing wrong with Aviva and she didn’t come because she cannot stand to leave her husband. Carole suggests Aviva has Munchausen Syndrome, and I would agree. They are fighting like teenagers and it is awful. Ramona is throwing Aviva under the bus to make the fighting stop for Sonja.

Ramona wants to phone Aviva and call her out for lying about why she didn't go on the trip. LuAnn is beating a dead horse with the facialist, and screaming at Sonja for not defending her. LuAnn feels like she has been “stabbed in the heart”, and Sonja thinks she is ridiculous. LuAnn storms off and Heather is on her side, while Kristen is siding with Sonja. Sonja then calls LuAnn a pig and Heather is not having it.

LuAnn is done and Heather is the good friend in the bunch. Ramona thinks LuAnn is desperate to be friends with Sonja and Sonja could care less. There are a million facialists in NYC and Sonja should have said something. Even if just for the benefit of the camera. Play the game. Dinner ends in disaster but tomorrow is another day. Ramona, Heather, and Sonja have a massage, while the others go hiking.

Carole is wearing a dress from Little House on the Prairie and looks like a crazy person. Carole, Kristen, and LuAnn are talking about LuAnn’s feelings about Sonja, while the other ladies gossip about the same thing. We are back and forth listening to immaturity on a massive scale. I don’t get how these women are not humiliated by this behavior. It would appear Sonja is jealous of Lu’s money and man. I get it.

Sonja and LuAnn are the divorced ones, and Sonja resents their different ways of living. The truth is LuAnn is a much better friend to Sonja than Ramona. Sonja would be well served to figure that out sooner rather than later. They're off to rappel down mountains and shoot stuff. Anything to keep away from each other and limit the fighting. Even on group trips this group won’t film together, which is really fascinating.

Kristen, Heather, and LuAnn are going to rappel and Kristen is being ridiculous. She is not as fun as when she started. She’s too much work for me. Sonja, Ramona, and Carole have gone skeet shooting. Sonja is hitting on the instructor, Ramona hasn't been shooting for years, and Carole wishes she was with the other group. Why are we watching? Remember when this show was fast and fun? We're dragging now.

Kristen is crying and screaming. Don’t want to do it, get off, just stop screaming already. She was over dramatic and I’d guess faking it just a little. Carole is a good shot while Ramona is a lousy shot. Is anyone else bored? I am going to go get myself another glass of wine while LuAnn rappels and freaks out, also faking just a smidge. Then it is Heather’s turn and she is a rock star, killing it like a professional.

The two groups have united and are geocaching treasure hunting. Ramona and Sonja are complaining. Ramona tells Kristen the trip is boring and starts screaming about how boring it is. Ramona is a pig. If none of them want to do it, why are we being asked to watch? That doesn’t seem fair. There is just so much screaming. LuAnn pretends to know about Native Americans, because you know, she is one.

Heather is tipsy and pissing Kristen off. NOBODY cares but Kristen and it is sad they're sucking the joy out of it for her, but at the same time Kristen is a joy sucker. She is complaining to the camera and is going to hit a wall. Everyone is drunk and then bam. Wall hit. Kristen and Heather are going at it.  Well Kristen is going at it and Heather could not care any less. Interesting and unattractive side of Ms. Heather.

Heather would've been pissed if Kristen had done this to her in the Berkshires. The screaming is giving me a headache, and Carole guessing what everyone is thinking and feeling is annoying. Drunk Heather is a little belligerent and Carole is trying to defuse the situation. Next week we are still in Montana, still listening to the fighting, and will be drunk ourselves while we pray for these bitches to keep it real.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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