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Real Housewives of New York City are Lame

by Ilana Angel

August 21, 2012 | 9:05 am

Photo by Michael Rosenthal/Bravo

It is amazing what these women are willing to show on television.  They may no longer be entertaining, but they are fascinating.  We start this week at the same party as last week.  Aviva is a yenta who stirs up trouble and Heather is annoyed by how everyone backstabs each other.

Ramona lashes out at Heather and walks away from her.  Heather tells Mario his wife is crazy, which he calmly denies.  Heather simply does not get why Ramona has such a problem with her, and is then reminded by Mario that Heather dissed his wife by not inviting her on the trip to London.

It’s crazy that Aviva is concerned with Heather being wrong when it was Aviva who started the problems.  Aviva is annoying and in the end Heather may just be too smart for this group.  I don’t get her and don’t find her appealing, but she is a grown up compared to Aviva’s silliness.

Aviva is stuttering, Heather is bailing, and Ramona is dropping F Bombs and gossiping up a storm.  We leave the party and are at the plastic surgeon with Ramona and Sonja so they can prep for St. Barts.  It is lame and the comments on Twitter are more entertaining than the show.

Ramona appears to have an uneven fake tan in preparation of the scene, which pisses me off.  We all know this is scripted, but when Bravo makes no attempt to hide the scripting, I am offended.  Dear Bravo, we may be stupid for watching, but we are not stupid people.

Aviva is doing a charity work out class and the product placement for Soul Cycle is over the top.  Ramona and Sonja cancel at the last minute and Aviva is annoyed since she just hosted them for a week in Miami.  She then talks about the one thing she does not want us to talk about.

Heather, LuAnn, and Carole join the class and as a special surprise they play LuAnn’s song during the workout.  We are reminded of how truly horrible the song is.  Everyone starts singing along and let’s be completely clear, everyone sings the song better than Luann does.  Everyone.

Heather is not into Aviva these days but she goes to the class to support the charity, which is classy.  Aviva complains to Carole that Sonja and Ramona bailed.  Aviva likes to talk about everyone behind their backs and it makes her gross to me.  She is a high school mean girl.

Ramona takes a cab and she is horrific to the driver.  She is a snob and a bitch.  I want to slap her.  I would have kicked her out of the cab.  I would have told her I had an emergency and kicked her out.  She is rude, condescending, and critical of the very lovely cab driver.

Carole and Aviva are fake shopping and Aviva is still talking about all the things that she does not want people to judge her on.  Shut up Aviva.  You are neurotic and have a fake leg. We get it so just stop talking about it already. Carole then makes a John Kennedy Jr. reference.  Finally.

Bravo has been waiting forever for her to make the reference so we can all think she is legit, but the truth is she is the only legit one there.  We like her without her history so Bravo needs to stop salivating over her talking about it.  Aviva needs to lock up in her house and never leave.

I like Carole more each week and her talking about liking men who are sexual, geographically undesirable, and emotional unavailable was hilarious to me. Meanwhile Ramona and Luann are bikini shopping.  Luann says bikini shopping is like masturbation and should be done alone.

Ramona tells her it’s sexy to have someone watch and I spit out my wine, which pisses me off because I hate to waste my wine. Ramona does not strike me as someone who touches herself, and Luann refuses to let us see her in a bathing suit while Ramona is prancing around.

They are talking about Aviva behind her back and I cannot believe these women are not more aware of how they come across.  I would not want to be friends with any of these chicks, other than Carole.  I wonder if these lunatics get that we are laughing at them not with them.

Aviva and Heather, who don’t like each other, do a play date with their kids and while the kids are lovely, it is painfully fake and I can’t be bothered with this crap.  Aviva has put her neurosis on to her kids and I find myself wondering how Alex and Jill would have been with the new girls.

Aviva is presenting running legs to a young boy and it is lovely.  I was truly touched by the scene.  Bless Aviva for using the show to shine awareness on this important cause.  It does not make her any better as a housewife, but it is important so I hope the exposure helps her cause.

Carole and Aviva are with Sonja for a fake lunch at Ramona’s and the scripting is getting sloppy.  Carole tells the lushes that Aviva was upset they blew off her charity event and they start up with their excuses.  Ramona and Sonja are totally lying and it’s hilarious.  They are digging deep.

They are drunk and holding hands so they can squeeze each other with secret messages to keep their lies straight and it is funny.  Aviva arrives which is stupid because why would she go when they blew her off?  It’s called scripting.  Ramona sucks up by presenting a check to Aviva.

Sonja is annoyed because she can’t write a check because she has her own charities.  Really?  Sonja cannot write a check period and I’m guessing she has not donated to charity in forever.  You can support a cause without giving money and that is how Sonja rolls because she is broke.

Aviva is pissed and Sonja is crazy.  She is going on and on about her dog having no bladder control and him, as a dog, being humiliated and embarrassed by the situation.  It was freaking hilarious.  Sonja is crying and Aviva is ready to lunge across the table and smack her.

Carole is watching with discomfort but amazement, Sonja is screaming that her dog is important, Ramona is screaming about nothing, and I am in heaven. Aviva announces she is over it and Sonja says Aviva does not understand her pain.  It is remarkable that Bravo thinks this okay.

They have run this show into the ground and it’s a drag because it used to be good.  Everyone kisses each other’s ass and says sorry when they don’t mean it.  Lunch goes on and I’m exhausted.  Next week we head to St. Barts and it is going to get ugly.  Really ugly.

We are all excited to see the St. Barts trip but it’s going to be on for three weeks and we will be killing ourselves by the middle of week 2.  These weeks of crap will all be worth it when we are served blogging gold.  I will be here, with my wine, doing what they can’t, keeping it real.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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