July 14, 2011 | 11:03 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
It’s Thursday night so I’m front and center watching the housewives of New York City. Let the madness begin. We start off with LuAnn in a meeting about her new music video. Her assistant is there and let me just say: yummy. Countless thinks AC sounds for air conditioning not Atlantic City.
The meeting is funny because LuAnn has a vision of what she wants and they clearly don’t want to spend any money. It’s a video fit for a Countess on a Kmart budget. We’ve all seen the video by now so we know how it turned out. I’ve got it at the end of the blog should you want to watch it.
Sonja and Ramona are at the gym. Ramona is whoring out her company on her shirt, and Sonja looks like she has not washed her hair in a month. Ramona is telling Sonja she is not going to be in the music video because it’s inappropriate and not cool in front of her kids. Is Ramona high?
She says she is concerned the video will be on the Internet for everyone to see and she does not want to embarrass her child. Really? Does she not remember when she dry humped Mario’s foot a couple of weeks ago? Or her drunken flirting with the Hooters guy? Ramona is a joke.
Sonja thinks she needs to bow out also so she does not embarrass her daughter. Is Bravo paying these ladies in crack? Sonja is a mess and has been humiliating her self, and thus her daughter, all season. Put down the pipe Sonja and step away from Ramona. She is dragging you down.
We are schlepping to Brooklyn, which always me gag. It’s lovely that Alex is so open to hanging out with Simon’s lovers. Francois wants to get some beer and they don’t get up to tell him no, just sit at the fire and casually tell him he’s not allowed, to which he responds, “I want more”.
His alcoholic dad is living in the closet, which is a shame. Simon tells Alex that the drinking age in Australia is 18 so Francois can drink in their house at 18. Alex makes her constipated face and the NYPD is making a note when to come bust drunky pants for letting his kids drink.
Simon’s brother is visiting and he tells Alex that if she wants to do LuAnn’s video she will miss their leaving. Alex is boycotting the video shoot because of the message. She’s not about “class” and would rather use the other “C” word than the word class in her everyday language.
When someone says the word “class” she sings over it so she can’t hear. Seriously? She says her mother would die, then come back from the dead and disown her. We learn that Alex grew up with money in Kansas. Nobody asks where she is from, because nobody cares.
Simon makes me cringe, but Alex looked pretty sitting by the fire. She gets flustered, calls LuAnn a wannabe, and mocks her for using a title that does not belong to her. Simon says another idiotic thing, so I’m skipping over Brooklyn from now on. I just cannot watch them.
It’s time for a little Jill Zarin. She is having some kind of brain scan by some doctor that Sonja found. Sonja joins in and tells Jill she is worried about the video. Hard to pay attention with the doctor futzing around with Jill’s head. It’s hilarious. Jill calls out Sonja and blames Ramona.
Jill is a straight shooter and tells Sonja that she needs to do what she wants, not what Ramona says. I feel bad for Sonja. She is so sweet and I love her, but she is getting in with the wrong crowd. She would do herself a favor by aligning with Jill instead of Ramona. It’s just too bad.
Ramona and LuAnn meet so she can tell her she cannot do the video because she is a role model for Avery and it sets a bad tone. Wait here, I need to get a drink.——————————I’m back. LuAnn is pissed off, Ramona is bashing LuAnn, and it’s crazy. Ramona has officially lost her mind.
She tells LuAnn that Avery turned out well because she spends so much time with her, something that LuAnn does not do with her own kids. Just last week Avery said she NEVER sees her mother and they are rarely together. I get that Bravo is paying in crack, but can’t it be better crack?
These chicks are smoking street garbage and it’s not cool. LuAnn is calm but clearly upset. She wonders how the video is not cool but “Turtletime” is. Ramona says her family of three consults on everything and they don’t want her to do it. She has different parenting “skills” than LuAnn.
LuAnn is seething when Ramona says she is sorry she was not married 18 years like her, and it’s a shame that her husband cheated “left and right”. LuAnn gathers up her Countess self and leaves. She is nice and sweet, but I bet she cried as soon as she left. I would have.
Important to note I don’t drink white wine so Ramona will not get rich off my weekly bout of alcoholism, and I don’t enjoy drinking cow urine, so neither will Bethenny. We are at minute 28 and I am on my second glass. I wonder if Bravo will pay for my rehab should it come to that.
Sonja’s house is full of “interns”. Translation: young actors who want to be on television and are willing to dote on her in exchange for some TV time. I love Sonja and feel so sad for her situation. Not bad enough to think her behavior is okay, but sad to see her suffering so deeply.
Cindy is at Sonja’s trying to be friends, and Cindy brings her assistant, then takes a call in the middle of the breakfast. Not cool. I love Cindy but the fact is she should not have gone if she was busy and if the call came up last minute, she’s the boss, push it 30 minutes.
Cindy is on the call and Sonja is banging around the kitchen making noise on purpose. Cindy is into her work first, her kids 2nd and her friends 3rd. The thing is, she and Sonja are more cast mates than friends so she needs to not bother. I felt annoyed by the whole thing. I love wine.
At the end of the day this show is about picking sides. I’m on the Jill, Kelly, Cindy, LuAnn side. Ramona, Sonja and Alex are on their own. My hope is that Sonja realizes she has gone to the dark side. It’s not too late. Reach out to the good girls and save yourself! We have room for you.
It’s video shoot time and it’s cute. Jill is adorable, and LuAnn is excited. It’s friends having fun. Sadly, in the middle of our video fun, we go back to Brooklyn. Dear Lord. Mario, Ramona and Sonja are going to some event at Alex’s house. Mario is hitting on Sonja in the car. Yuck.
It’s an art event and I am fascinated that while hosting people in his home, with cameras, Simon wears a sweater with a hole in it. Classy. Sidebar: We see a sneak peek for next week and Ramona might be pregnant. Are they serious? She almost 60! It’s menopause Grandma.
Are we supposed to believe that 55 year old Ramona Singer honestly thinks that a late period means she is pregnant? Does she just want us to think she is sleeping with her husband? Of course he has sex with you Ramona, he has sex with everyone. The pregnancy storyline is lame.
Back in AC, Jill is with Bobby, and his son Jonathon. Kelly joins them and just when I’m having fun again, we’re back in Brooklyn. Who cares? We are at minute 49 and I am excited to skip over Brooklyn, only to end up at a dance class with Ramona and whiney Avery.
Alex, Sonja, Ramona and Avery are taking a dance class. I have it muted and am watching them dance to Chic C’est la Vie. It’s awesome and I suggest trying it. Back at the video, we hear Cindy could not come because she needed to be with her kids. Really? I’m not buying it.
Her kids are little, still take naps, and she has nannies. She could have come, but was working. Own it Cindy. You are an impressive career woman and a new mom. Blame work, not your kids. We get it. When they get older your focus will change. It’s all good.
This episode was billed as really great, but not so much. Cindy was harsh, Sonja was unraveling, Ramona was insane, Kelly was Kelly, Jill was hilarious, LuAnn was hurt, and Alex was constipated. Am I excited there is only one more week to sit through? Yes. Just keeping it real.
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