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Real Housewives of New York - Aviva Must Go

by Ilana Angel

April 9, 2014 | 12:11 am

We pick up in the Hamptons at the dinner party at LuAnn’s house.  Ramona is in Africa, but we have Amanda to distract us in her absence. This Amanda chick is a troll and I’m bored of her. That said, it is worth having her there just to watch Heather deal with her. Heather is the breakout star this season and we are only on our 2nd episode.

Amanda, the image consultant with no image, walks off and mumbles she is going to deck Heather. Ms. Thomas is not having any it and follows her, inviting the decking. Important to note that if Amanda got paid anything to be on this show, she should invest her money in a bra. She is sporting some National Geographic in the Hamptons. She seriously needs a Yummie bra.

Heather shuts her husband up which was unfortunate, but she is on a mission. Amanda runs back to Aviva, and Carole doesn't know why she is talking because she doesn’t even know her. Heather follows her and tells Amanda she needs to leave. LuAnn pulls Amanda away from Aviva and Carole and we hear Aviva telling Carole she’s written a lot of stuff.

Aviva Drescher is an idiot. She may be educated, but she is a moron. She is making a fool of herself, just like her father, and I am rolling my eyes that that once again the Jewish chick is a nut job. Heather is defending Carole and it is fabulous. Carole has not handled herself properly, but Aviva is on another level of crazy. Why is Aviva even on this show? She sucks.

Aviva and her husband are now yelling at Heather while Amanda runs over because clearly she goes where the camera is. LuAnn is done and begins to shuffle people out. They should have kept LuAnn and fired Aviva. Heather can’t quite seem to let it go and tells Aviva she is full of crap and starts dropping “motherfu****” like she is a Grammy Award winning rapper.

Aviva is appalled of course and asks if Heather learned to speak like that in prison. This is exhausting and we are only ten minutes in. The party ends rather abruptly and I am left wondering how long Heather will defend Carole before Carole has the balls to do it herself. I like Carole, but she is stooping to Aviva’s level on the whole writing books thing and she is better than that.

Cut to Sonya, she is having everyone over for a lobster brunch. Ridiculous scripting when you consider she told us she is excited about having hot water in the Hamptons because she can’t afford to pay for it at home. Harry arrives and Sonya wants to know what the deal is with him and Amanda. She is jealous and it is sad because he is a pig and she is fabulous.

Aviva arrives to brunch as we learn Carole has gone back to the city. Aviva is talking to Sonya about how fabulous she is and I want to knock her teeth out. Speaking of missing teeth, in the middle of the conversation Sonya’s front, bottom tooth falls out while she is eating. She lets the party know it has fallen out and takes her interns with her to glue it back in. Enough.

She is all Grey Gardens and no Manhattan. Bless her. She says if anyone understands about losing a body part, it is Aviva, which is funny. Sonya is definitely the comic relief here, but also the tragic figure. We’re suddenly back in the city with Carole, Heather, and Kristen. The editing is very choppy and I must say Kristin is gorgeous, but needs to wear a bra.

Why do models think going without a bra is cool? I see that a lot. I suppose Kristen might be wearing a bra and I can’t tell, in which case she needs a better one. They are going to participate in the Mermaid Parade on Coney Island and are costume shopping. Carole has been asked to be the Queen of the parade and also scripted to invite the other ladies to join her.

We go back and forth between the shopping and Aviva and Sonja having laser treatments. Neither scene is interesting and I’m having wine and folding my laundry. Sidebar: Aviva hates Sonya and is only being nice to her because everyone else hates her. Sonya’s humoring her because Ramona is out of town. I can’t wait for Ramona to get back to back.

Aviva says she has been “verbally raped” by Heather and I'm laughing at her. She is a moron and I want to smack her with her prosthetic leg. Too much? She is out for some fake family time with her kids and husband. She then tells him to read an email on her phone, but reads it out loud for him. This is complete bullshit and Bravo is lame to give us this crap.

Aviva wants us to think the girl she was with when she was 6, whose house she was at when she lost her leg, has contacted her after 35 years of no contact? For the love of God. Aviva is using her unfortunate accident to get camera time. Here’s the thing Aviva, regardless of what we think about your leg, you are a miserable human being and we don’t like you.

I would be wiling to bet my left boob, and it is the better one, Aviva called the woman and set the whole thing up. She knows we want her out and she is pulling the sympathy card. While sympathetic to the situation, we are not sympathetic to her.This episode is dragging on forever and it would appear I am now bored without Heather on the screen.

Sonya continues her public humiliation and Aviva is solidifying her position as the least liked Housewife of Anywhere. Aviva is in the car with her husband, not wearing a seatbelt, and not placing blame but letting us know it was the other little girl’s idea to play on the conveyer belt. Aviva is talking about herself like she has changed the world and I just can’t.

She is talking about this other woman like she knows everything she is thinking and feeling, yet has had no contact with her for 35 years. How does that make sense? Oh yeah, nothing Aviva says makes sense because she is an idiot. How does her husband watch this back and not think his wife is a complete bitch? If this is about selling her books, epic fail.

It may take a village to write a book but I’m guessing there will be fewer books sold than the population of most villages. Jumping back to the parade, LuAnn arrives, as does Sonya, who has lost another tooth. We're going back and forth between the parade and Aviva. Aviva thanks her husband for going with her and says I love you. He responds with “Ok.”

Carole is honored to be Queen but they call her Karen. Sonya tries to poke out LuAnn’s eye, and LuAnn is all Countess-like screaming damn it. Carole says the only reason she had fun is because Aviva wasn't there. Carole reads a Mermaid friendship poem with the girls and I can’t. Carole wanting to do something inclusive and not include Aviva is silly.

Aviva is back at the farm and tells the woman she looks the same as she did when she was 6. Does she remember what she looked like at 6 years old? Reid goes off to work and I am laughing because he says he wants to give them privacy to catch up, but the cameraman is there so where is the privacy? Aviva is crying, with no tears, and I seriously can’t stand her.

Aviva wants to go to the barn so she can sell an extra book or two. She wants to turn the machine on, another book sold. Whatever Crazy. Next week Ramona will be back and learn of all the fighting, plus Brandi and Yolanda will visit from RHOBH. I love this show, but this episode was a waste of my time. Hopefully next week they can get back to keeping it real.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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