This show is bad. So bad frankly, that it is near impossible to watch. I will stick with it until the end of the season because I’m already too far in, but unless they replace the entire cast, I will not be back for another season. By entire cast of course I mean Teresa too. I love her but she has outgrown this show and proven to be good TV on her own. Bravo needs to give Tre and Juicy their own show with the kids and kick the rest of these pathetic loser women to the curb.
We start off this week with Chris and Jac sitting in their hotel room and we are supposed to believe Chris just happens to have a copy of In Touch with him. This show is so ridiculous they don’t even care how scripted and fake it looks anymore. The majority of the women are so boring they have to set up things for them to talk about. Sidebar: A puppy is not a dog. You can be scared of dogs and still love puppies, so enough with the Teresa hates dogs crap.
Caroline is with Lauren and Greg and I am so sad to be blogging this the morning after it aired because I cannot drink any wine. This is painful. First of all, why is Greg even there? Greg says he went to get toothpaste, does not come back with any, but brings the In Touch with him to show Caroline. He also stumbles on his scripted lines. Sidebar: Lauren is ordering room services and makes sure to add a fruit platter to all the cheese so we think she is still working on her weight.
Caroline is in a huff about the In Touch article, saying Teresa is awful for talking about her when she stood by her when nobody else did. Caroline has gone from being a real delight to watch, to a bitter old hag who spits venom and appears to be miserable and unhappy in her empty house. Her kids are not as golden as she would like us to think, the majority of her family does not talk to her, and she spends all of her time trying to figure out how to blame Teresa for everything.
Jac proves once again she may be the dumbest reality personality. It’s difficult to use the word personality in the same sentence as Jac. Caroline is trying to throw Teresa under the bus non-stop but it is failing. She is making herself look like a fool and I am embarrassed for her. Whatever you think about Teresa does not change the fact that she works like a dog. She is single handedly saving her family and I respect her for that. Even haters have to give her that.
Sidebar: Caroline is always talking about how dumb Teresa is, yet now she is saying Teresa is smart and calculated. Pick a side. Chris tells Jac there is no big deal about the article but Jac feels the need to talk to Tre about it, which is insane. Jac brings nothing to this show and so she needs to talk crap to be relevant. Teresa comes to get ready with Jac and Jac immediately starts to question her about the dog, money, and useless garbage. Jac is a moron.
The entire show is now based on the jealousy the women have of Teresa. Tre keeps referring to Kate Middleton as Kate Hudson, which is really funny. Back at the shore Joe and Melissa have moved into their new shore house and they are having a party. All the women at the shore are in full make-up, which is funny. Melissa is pretending to cook, in her bikini. Joe talks bad about Teresa but only in front of Melissa which is important and interesting.
Chris announces in the bus to the wedding that Blk. water is going so well they are now working with a wine company. Really? He invites everyone to Napa, which confuses Jac, who then tells the camera over and over again that she is confused. I think Jac got the word confused mixed up with the word moronic. She meant to say I’m moronic over and over again. Meanwhile Caroline keeps telling the camera Teresa needs to shut up instead of telling Teresa. Coward.
They all arrive to the wedding and it is shameful. It is a special occasion and they are trying to ruin it. I feel sad for Jaime and Rich that this is what was shown on film. Their union was beautiful and these people are gross. I cried during both of their vows. They were real, heartfelt, and raw. Gay or straight the vows were special and I would love for a man to tell me those things. Their love is real, 13 years is real, and the wedding was real.
Caroline gave a speech that was more about her than Jaime but I cried. Even Juicy cried. Why did the family sit separate from the guests? Back at the shore, Joe plays Melissa’s new song Rock Star and I want to kill myself. She says she is embarrassed he wants to play it, which is the funniest thing I’ve ever heard. She is a fame whore, her song sucks, and she spent hours after it aired telling people to buy it on Twitter. There is nothing to like about her.
Joe is talking to Rich about Teresa and don’t get it. Joe sends Teresa another text to try to make things better and I must say, he is trying. Teresa needs to get over it a little and meet with her brother. She can’t complain about the situation if she is not willing to meet him half way. This is something she needs to stand up to Juicy on. Joe loves her and she loves him, so this needs to stop. Pick up the phone Teresa. Watching Joe text her was very sad and I felt for him.
That Joe needs to talk to Rich about it and not Melissa is very telling. Joe needs to make it better with Tre without Melissa, and Teresa needs to make things nice with Joe without Juicy. At the wedding Teresa lets everyone know her book is on The NYT bestseller list and nobody congratulates her. Caroline is pissed Teresa is making it about her at her brother’s wedding and I want to just smack her. Caroline is impossible to watch. She needs to get off of my television.
The party at the shore is getting wild. Melissa says they are keeping it classy and you have to laugh. There is nothing classy about this party. The kids are looking on with complete mortification. Rich is talking but I’m not listening. in Chicago Tre is talking to Jac about Joe’s text and I am checking out. Jac is not needed on this show, Teresa needs to talk to her brother and Caroline needs to take out the pole that is stuck up her ass. Thank God this week is over.
One truly needs to be drinking in order to get through this. Next week looks like it will be brutal. By brutal of course I mean next week might be the last time I blog about this show. Just like OC, ATL, and DC before them, I might have to walk away. It is not entertaining, funny, interesting, or worth my time. Bravo has managed to ruin a franchise that was making them rich and we will all eventually turn away because they are not keeping it real.
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