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Real Housewives of New Jersey Reunion Recap Part 1

by Ilana Angel

October 8, 2013 | 5:46 pm

The best part of any season of any of the Real Housewives franchises is the reunion.  With a season that was predictable, biased, and not particularly interesting, I had high hopes for the reunion.  In the end part one fell flat. While I like him and think he is handsome, Andy Cohen is not doing his job. He plays favorites and is hell bent on asking questions that embarrass and humiliate, rather then give the audience the things we want and wait for, reality.

Andy should save his one sided questions for Watch What Happens Live and let someone else do the reunions.  Again, it is not personal, just a fan sharing her opinion.  By her opinion of course I mean the opinion of millions of fans. We are tired Andy. The show is tired, reunions are tired, casts are tired, and you my darling sweet man, are tired. Time for new faces, and if you insist on bringing some back,  not  Melissa or Kathy.

Here we go…. Caroline looks a bit chesty, Jac has no obvious changes due to surgery, Teresa looks beautiful, Melissa is blonde, and Kathy is wearing so much makeup she looks like a Kardashian. Jac says things are better with Teresa and Andy jumps right into humiliating Tre. This is not the place for the federal case and we don’t need to be reminded of how many counts or how much jail time is pending. Reunions are supposed to be fun catch ups.

Caroline starts first and talks about how she has changed based on what she saw of herself the season before.  Cut to a blatant commercial for her new show.  I am not watching her spin off and am pissed off that her recapping of her season is more about setting up her new show than what she did on the season. Albert is called out for being rude to her and Carline defends her marriage. She then talks crap about marriage just like Melissa.

Caroline says she is certain Albert has not cheated, but then says she would be dumb to think he had been monogamous. Dear Lord. Albert cheated.  Who cares?  Melissa cheated. Who cares?  Juicy cheated. Who cares?  We are not that interested in who sleeps with whom. We just aren’t. Caroline is not willing to talk about Dina. She also says that Teresa and Melissa are the same, but Melissa insists they are not. Melissa is truly a stupid woman.

We are 15 minutes in and I am bored. Melissa insists she does not use auto-tune. Okay. Melissa is full of crap. I honestly cannot take it. She is drowning in lies. Andy is starting trouble and instigating drama.  He clearly is not a fan of Teresa, and that is okay, but he is embarrassing himself. Andy wants trouble between Melissa and Teresa. I am skipping over this because it is a bunch of lies and we are not interested. They are all blowing smoke.

Melissa says she hires Joe’s secretaries and they are not attractive.  If her marriage is so rock solid, as her book states, Joe would not care who worked there.  Melissa is full of crap and her marriage, if I by her book, is not that great and rather archaic.  Melissa says everyone who is hating on them does it because they want to be on the show.  Probably true.  But she must also be open to the truth, which is that she is not completely honest.

I believe Teresa’s take on Melissa having a deal with Radar Online.  I also think Teresa is coming out on top here.  She is clearly exhausted by the whole thing and I get it. Melissa has ruined this show in my opinion and the lack of respect that Melissa has for Teresa is annoying.  Last season was dark and mean and this season is just lame.  It is ridiculous that we are talking about all the gossip. Sidebar: Kim D is a disgusting fame whore.

We are now recapping Kathy and I just can’t. This woman and her family bore me. I’m flipping through. They are talking about Dina now. Dina has not reached out to Jac since Nick’s autism. Not buying it. Melissa who cried that she was moving to get away from Teresa, now says that was not the only reason. Melissa Gorga is a liar and her husband is a maniac. These people should not be on reality TV. We now recap the Gorga/Guidice drama.

Melissa says her sisters never tweet about Teresa. Dear Lord. Lies, lies, lies, lies, lies. Melissa and Teresa are never going to get along and Teresa will never be back with Joe as long as he is with Melissa.  Caroline agrees.  Juicy and Joe have joined in, Juicy is quiet, then Rosie joins in.  Rosie should have been the housewife not Kathy. Andy then is a complete and total asshole to Teresa, which is just not fun to watch.  Give it a rest Andy.

We then get a look at the Juicy & Rosie show, which is perfection.  Juicy and Teresa are talking about their gay friends and it is unfortunate but not mean.  They are simple and I find it as charming as I do offensive. They show the big Juicy/Joe fight and everyone looks pained except for Juicy, who is laughing.  I love Juicy.  Seriously.  This show is stupid, Andy’s questions are dumb, Melissa is lying, and Joe is an ape. I’m so done.

Rosie grabs Joe’s balls and I need to wrap this up.  It is simply not entertaining.  Teresa is repeatedly saying sorry for shit she does not need to apologize for anymore. This is lame. Melissa is bitter and angry. Teresa lied, apologizes again, Melissa is an idiot.  We are watching all the trolls and at the end of the day all the hate traces back to Kim D. Whore. Between Penny, Jan adn Kim D. the desperate agenda to get them to fight is stupid.

We move onto Dr. V and her visit with the family.  I love her but she comes across as fake on the reunion.  She is wearing too much makeup, her hair looks silly, she went from fixing things to looking dumb. Nobody is interested in her anymore and this did her television career no favors. She is a good doctor but she came back to RHONJ one time too many and lost some credibility.  She needs her own show, not to be whored out here.

They saved all the screaming and bitching for next week. I’m going to need a bottle of something to come back for another episode of this reunion crapfest. This used to be the best group of the franchise and Bravo has ruined it.  They over scripted, over reached, and over involved themselves. Next week they will talk about criminal charges. Again.  For the love of God. Bravo is asking too much of us as fans by not ever keeping it real.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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