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RHONJ Recap

by Ilana Angel

September 15, 2013 | 6:07 pm

In an attempt to help smooth over the fact that Melissa is a cheater, and therefore rendering her book on a happy marriage even more useless, the search for a scapegoat continues.  Bravo ahs been manipulating the situation to rip apart Teresa forever, but since we are getting sick of it already, they are expanding the hoax and putting Penny Drossos up on the block.  Ugh.

Before we get to the bad editing, we start off with Teresa and Juicy out shopping with their moms.  Teresa is starting her own food line called Skinny Italian.  I bet that is pissing Bethenny off.  Especially since you can’t make bad tasting pasta and Skinnygirl taste like ass.  Teresa’s mom wants them all together so she can see the healing herself.

Over with Joe, he has gone for a scripted visit to Chris, and takes his boys with him.  Cute kids.  The men are drinking wine in the middle of the day like chicks, which I think is funny.  Jac joins in and Chris tells Joe they are doing an event to raise money for autism.  They are also releasing 3-4 new flavors of Blk. water, which has me laughing.  They can’t give it away.

Jac is going to speak at the event, which is also hilarious.  She is not a good speaker and add in a subject she cannot talk about without a fake cry, and she is useless.  Jac says she does not want to be judged for using her son’s autism and I am rolling my eyes and having a drink.  Joe is talking about the rumors of Melissa cheating again.  Dear Lord.  She cheated. Who cares?

We are now with Kathy and Rich and honestly people, I just want to skip over it.  This is dumb. I have no interest in these people and can’t imagine anyone does.  They talk and all I hear is blah, blah, blah.  She is going to give a demo of her cannolis at Dylan’s Candy Bar.  She has been doing this for years and a candy shop demo is a big deal?  Bless her.  Where’s my remote?

Cut to Teresa and her mom out for lunch with Juicy, Joe and Melissa.  It’s been 4 years, so good for them.  Joe is happy, Melissa is lying, Juicy and Teresa have moved on.  Melissa wants to make sure that anyone who knows anything about her truth is off the show.  We cannot watch and not think back to how great the show was before Melissa joined.  Seriously.

Teresa is over for a visit with Jac and has brought the girls with her.  These people are all crazy but they sure do make beautiful babies.  They are jumping back and forth from Jac and Teresa to Juicy and Rosie, who are having lunch.  I could watch a show of just Juicy and Rosie.  They are good TV.  Juicy wants another baby, as long as it is a boy.

Juicy says he would be open to a surrogate, and both he and Rosie think they can take an egg from Teresa, and an egg from Juicy and put it in another woman.  For the love of God, dumb is funny.  Speaking of dumb, Jac needs to give a speech and has turned to Teresa for help in writing it. There are just too many jokes to be made here so I’ll drink instead.

Cut to Melissa who wants us to think that a successful music producer has heard her music and wanted to meet her.  This is stupid.  Melissa cannot sing.  Joe says he will support her 100%, but Melissa says her husband and kids come first.  Really?  She would sell them all down the river for fame so this entire scene is a waste of time. She is selling books.

Kathy is getting ready for her sad little cannoli party.  Cute that she is doing her mom’s hair and did not have someone come do it.  Rich does his slapstick, the kids show up, and the feeble attempt to make this funny only makes it sadder.  These people are not funny, and are not relevant or interesting, so Bravo needs to let it go and spare us already. We don’t care.

Melissa is going to sing a new song, from a new songwriter, and making fun of her for not knowing the words.  Maybe she can tape them on the floor like LeAnn Rimes.  She is making a lot of excuses and delaying the inevitable. She cannot sing and they are going to see they flew in for nothing.  Johnny Wright is making fun of her and I am laughing my ass off.

Kathy is at Dylan’s Candy Bar and nobody has shown up.  Not any strangers, not any of her family and friends.  Caroline fake sicks her way out of it, but Chris and Jac finally show so Jac can eat. Melissa shows, Teresa shows, and Rosie shows.  Who cares?  They all schlepped into the city by Bravo drivers and it is lame.  None of them care about it.

Time for the Blk. autism event.  Everyone is there and Jac is nervous to speak in front of a large group. She should have tweeted her speech.  She has no issues there.  She speaks, it is perfect, her kid is delicious, and everyone cries.  Good for her.  That’s is all I have to say about that.  Do I think she milks it?  Yes?  Do I think the work matters? Yes.

Cut to Melissa and Joe, and her telling him she needs to work on her music more and it will involve her going to Orlando.  They are at a nice dinner and surprise, surprise, Penny is at the bar.  She gets a hot and freshly served meal and heads to the bar to talk to Penny?  This show is ridiculous and Melissa is an idiot. Penny is out of control.

Penny says everything traces back to Teresa, Joe says Penny looks like whore you cannot trust, and the entire thing is stupid.  I don’t know who is to blame here, Penny or Teresa, but if I had to pick a side, I’m going with Teresa.  That said, next week we will get more Penny and one can only wonder what is really happening. Things are shown out of sequence so will never know.

This show sucks and these chicks will do anything for fame and money. There is nothing authentic about this show anymore.  It was better before they all got famous, certainly better before Melissa joined, and this cast has overstayed their welcome. I’m ready to check out because Bravo thinks we are all stupid and insists on not keeping it real.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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