Jewish Journal

Real Housewives of New Jersey Hit the Road

by Ilana Angel

July 30, 2012 | 9:33 am

Photo by Tommy Garcia/Bravo

We start the week with everyone packing for the trip to Napa.  A hurricane is about to hit New Jersey, but all the women are leaving their children behind and flying away from the storm.  Not sure it is what I would have done, but I guess the show must go on.  By show of course I mean crapfest.

None of the women know what to pack for camping, which is funny.  Teresa is telling Juicy she spoke to Jac and it made her sad.  Jac is talking to Chris and one again referencing the “old Teresa”.  Every week is the same thing and every week we see that the Guidice kids need their own show.

We are then forced to watch the Manzo brothers with their girlfriend Greg and I simply do not understand why these people are on the show.  Why is Greg included in everything?  Why does Bravo think these people are interesting? Why would Lindsay want to live with all three of them?

The storm forces them to drive 5 hours to Pittsburgh to then fly to CA.  We are watching nothing interesting, then just when I think I’d rather shoot myself in the head, we see men peeing on the side of the road. Since I have no gun, only wine, I am drinking straight from the bottle.

Sidebar: It is official, we are crazy people for watching this show.  It makes no sense that this is on television and mortifying that we watch it.  Remember when we actually watched women who were interesting and liked each other?  All we watch now is grown women behaving like children.

Everyone has arrived safely and are together in a large bus watching cows have sex on YouTube.  These people are disgusting, the Manzo kids are useless, Jac and Caroline are complaining, the men are pigs, and the grown ass Manzo freaks are being called kids which pisses me off.

These are grown people who have no skills other than sucking money and fake jobs from their family.  If these were my kids I would stop enabling them and make them get off their asses and get real jobs instead of trying to make money off a show where we can’t stand them.

They pick up their RV and go to a camping store.  These people, who are struggling financially, drop thousands on crap they will use for 3 days then leave behind?  Caroline is hoarding food and Lauren, who complains about weight constantly, is worried people will steal her food.

Are we really watching them talk about poop?  It is clear none of them can stand each other and it’s awkward.  It is forced and fake and proof that Bravo just does not care.  They treat us like morons by putting this on the air and to be frank, we are morons for continuing to watch it.

As we watch them driving in groups, we learn that they are seriously stupid people. Uneducated, unsophisticated, uninteresting, unappealing people.  They have worn off their welcome with not only the viewers at home, but also the people in the RV park where they are camping.

Everyone is talking about how they all don’t get along with Teresa and it’s lame because if these losers had any sense they would try to be friends with Teresa because she is the only one who is going to survive this train wreck and be back on TV.  Trying to bash her is an epic fail.

Teresa is talking to Kathy and she calls her out for saying the recipes in her book were her mothers.  Kathy back peddles and says she was trying to be supportive not take credit for the recipes. I am rolling my eyes.  Kathy is a liar and brings nothing to this show but her sister.

That said, even Rosie is not interesting anymore.  They have lost sight of how funny and charming she is and painted her as a desperate lesbian who is perverted and lonely.  Bravo has a gold mine of people who we would love to watch and they are sucking the joy out of it.

The camping trip is brutal.  The sexual innuendos, flashing and touching of body parts is not funny.  The only thing these people talk about is Teresa. This entire show is about watching Tre and her kids be fabulous, and everyone else talking about how much she has changed.

How is this good TV?  If I was Kathy, Jac, Caroline or Melissa I would be humiliated that the only thing I bring to this show is hate and penis jokes. Melissa is playing the game of being nice to Teresa which is nice but predictable.  Is Melissa the only one who figured it all out?

I spoke too soon.  Melisa is not smart enough to realize Teresa is the one to hang on to.  She tells Teresa if everyone has a problem with her maybe she needs to realize it might be her and not all of them who have a problem.  Really?  These bitches are painfully jealous.

There truly was nothing interesting about this sow.  I watched WWHL for no other reason thatn to see Teresa and Renee.  I understand people think I am a Teresa ass kisser, but the truth is you cannot watch this show and not see she is a star and the others not so much.

I keep waiting for something to happen on this show but I’m not sure what it is exactly that I am waiting for.  If it is something entertaining that I crave then I fear I shall be waiting forever when it comes to the Real housewives of New Jersey.  That is sad, but keeping it real.


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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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