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Real Housewives of New Jersey Family Feud

by Ilana Angel

July 14, 2013 | 6:13 pm

We are back in the heart of Crazytown, getting ready to go on the big retreat.  It is lame, and while I appreciate Teresa is trying, it is a waste of our time, and no good can come of this. We start the retreat preparation with Joe and Melissa, who are both negative and miserable.  Melissa is talking shit about Teresa, Joe is defending his lying wife, and they are talking all their crap in front of their kids.  It is disgusting.

The kids are cute, but in a scene where it is about how cute they are, Melissa looks into the camera, as if to ask why aren’t you pointed at me? Hilarious.  Over to Juicy and Tre, they are packing for the retreat and again, the conversation is in front of the kids, which I think is really horrible.  Cut to Kathy and Rich, who are boring as hell.  I am over Kathy, her husband is a jackass.  Who cares?

Melissa and Joe pick up Rich, Kathie, and Rosie.  None of them are going in with an open mind, they are all bitter and negative, and I feel sorry for Teresa.  She is going in with hope, and everyone else is going in with hate. Assholes.  Cut to Rosie who is sad everyone is not opening their hearts to change.  I like Rosie, and while she is not coming off great this season, she is inherently good and wants peace in her family.  I admire that.

Melissa says on camera that Juicy cheats on Teresa and does not love her, then says that Teresa wants Melissa to go through all the things in life she does, so she is trying to ruin her marriage because it is so miserable for her. Melissa is an idiot, a backstabber, and the cheater.  I am so sick of this woman and her lies.  I know we see what Bravo wants us to see, but if I were her, I would quit the show if it was all lies, but there she is.

Melissa is a fame whore who is milking the love of her husband, killing the reputation of her father, and humiliating her kids for money.  Her book is a waste of trees and anyone who buys it is seriously in need of a good drink and a kick in the ass.  Teresa is telling Juicy that Jac and Chris are coming, which is insanity. Juicy says Jac texted him and I am laughing.  Jac needs to be in a mental facility/rehab.  She is revolting beyond measure.

Cut to Caroline who is not going to the retreat.  She is in a park with Albert, trying to make us think they are happily married, but nobody is buying it.  I feel sorry for Caroline.  She is trying, he is not that into her, her kids are unable to support themselves, and she carries the weight of her entire family.  She is trying to sell books, so bless her, but her family is a mess, no matter how much she tries to label everyone else living in a mess.

Over to Chris and Jac, they are talking about Nicolas and how hard their lives are.  All they have to talk about is how hard it is with their son, and how horrible Teresa is.  Why are they even here?  Jac is an idiot and should not be on television.  They bring nothing to the show, they are using their child to make money, and I am repulsed by them.  I honestly think Jac is medicated, and not in a good way.  What a useless hag she is.

Everyone arrives to the retreat, which is in a beautiful place.  Teresa greets them and is told that Caroline and Jac are not coming, and it will be the family only.  Perfect.  Kathy says Jac is busy with Nick, and Teresa calls her out on it.  If she is so focused on her son, why is she always on Twitter? Then Teresa asks Melissa about Jac, and Mel says she is not on Twitter.  Is she high? Melissa is on Twitter every single day.  It is laughable.

Melissa likes to retweet every compliment she gets.  It is hilarious.  Melissa not on Twitter?  Okay.  Everyone is having a drink at the retreat, but not together.  Kathy, Rich, Melissa, Joe and Rosie are having a drink, while Teresa and Juicy are by themselves having a drink.  Rich is stirring up shit and I want to punch him.  What a loser.  He needs to realize he is not a housewife and shut up already.  Nobody likes this guy.

Everyone is talking about Jac and it is weird.  Why are they are not all together?  This is the beginning of a perfect storm.  Juicy says Jac is using Nick as an excuse, and I agree.  He then talks shit about autism, which was not malicious, just not particularly bright.  Cut to lunchtime and everyone is now together to eat. Teresa is being sweet, everyone is ignoring her, and I want to scream at her to get out.  No good can come of this.

This is horrible to watch.  Rich is ruining it, Melissa is ruining it, Kathy is ruining it, Joe is ruining it, and Rosie and Teresa are left struggling.  The team builders arrive and Melissa and Kathy assume they are useless.  Why even go if you are going to knock it? I cannot watch.  The activities are supposed to help, but if you are going to mock it, there is no help to be found. Granted the team builders are a little lame.

They start the games and Juicy is into it, Melissa implies Juicy is mentally deficient and I am laughing because Melissa is a complete moron, so for her to call someone dumb is almost cute.  Bless her.  The trainers are talking about the family being loyal, and everyone is talking about Jac instead of focusing on who is there.  This is stupid.  Joe and Teresa start talking, Melissa speaks for Joe, Juicy speaks for Teresa. Oy vey.

Joe says he is glad Jac didn’t come because it is about family, but Teresa is still talking about Jac.  Teresa is shooting herself in the foot.  Enough with Jac already. The trainer is trying to get them on track, but it is not happening. Rosie takes Juicy out of the room so that stumbling block is gone and the team builders can do their job.  Everyone is talking and the team builders have no control.  Joe speaks and it is as if Melissa is talking. Juicy and Rosie are drinking and bless Juicy for even bring there.

Melissa is all about the drama and while this is horrible, it is also hilarious. Melissa is acting, doing it all for Joe, and it is shocking.  The team leaders are useless, Melissa is a manipulative whore, and Teresa was never going to fix this.  They have painted her into a corner and will never accept her back in the fold.  I feel sad for Teresa, but more for Joe.  He is sleeping with the enemy and unable to see the true devil that she is.

For the love of God, we have invested so much time in these people, and they are giving us a shit fest.  It cannot go on.  They need to dismantle this cast, cut their loses, and start over.  It makes no sense that they continue, and certainly no sense that we watch.  Joe is telling the team leaders it is a waste of time, Teresa is telling Joe he needs to side with the family, and Joe calls her scum.  Here we go.  It is on people.

Teresa tells Juicy Joe called her scum, Juicy goes to Joe and demands an apology, then Joe attacks Juicy.  The big fight that has been used for ads all week, is really happening during the next episode.  I am embarrassed for these people and embarrassed for those of us who watch.  I feel sad for all their children, and wonder how it is that these people put money and fame in front of family, peace, love, and keeping it real.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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