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Jewish Journal

Real Housewives of New Jersey Channel Jerry Springer

by Ilana Angel

August 26, 2014 | 11:22 am

Typo's are generously sponsored by Merlot.

This show has lost the spark. Amber is not interesting and has an unappealing husband. The Twins have voices that make you want to jab knives into your ears. Dina is putting us to sleep. Teresa is collecting a paycheck and being very, very careful. Melissa is just stupid.  We are a few weeks in and the only interesting thing we have been given is seeing that Rosie is in love. That is hardly enough to keep watching.

The cast doesn’t make sense. The twins are silly and there is nothing compelling about anyone in their family. Rina has moments, but we only get him with his wife. You cannot cast these shows anymore without getting people who are just looking for 15 minutes. Any sane person would pass because the scrutiny that comes with being on reality TV is just not worth it. These new girls are too dumb to get it.

Bravo clearly offered Dina a lot of money to come back, but they must be pissed because she is doing nothing other than finding her Zen and being annoying. Teresa is interesting, as are her kids, but you can’t help but wonder if she is playing nice for the courts. She is walking on eggshells and we all see it. I feel bad for her so it is working, but I also think she sold out, which is a shame. The woman has lost her balls.

I don’t understand why Apollo from RHOA was sentenced and is waiting to serve time, while Teresa and Joe are just waiting. It annoys me Apollo is collecting a paycheck before he goes to prison. Same with Tre and Juicy. The second they pled guilty they should’ve stopped. I get it is compelling, and frankly the only reason we are watching RHONJ, but when does justice and punishment come into play?

I’m still watching but trust me when I tell you if I weren’t getting paid to do it, I would be done with RHONJ. Done. We start with Melissa, who has lost her aunt to cancer. Amber, who hates Melissa but can’t overlook an opportunity for camera time, comes by with some food. Melissa fake cries and I am laughing my ass off. She is wiping away makeup not tears. If there are no tears, it is not crying Melissa.

Amber says cancer is near and dear to her heart. It has touched her, but how is it near and dear to her? She’s dumb and I am sick of her having cancer being her thing. It is all she talks about, which I get, but she needs to give us something else We now head over to Nicole and her mom Santa. All Nicole one wants to talk about his how she is not sure Bobby is the one for her. The truth is he’s just not that into her.

Santa doesn’t think Bobby is moving fast enough and is a confirmed bachelor. I'm chugging wine at this point. Chugging. Over to Teresa, Melissa has been scripted to come by. Why are they both wearing hats in the house? Melissa is blowing smoke up Tre’s ass and I’m laughing at her. Melissa has never seen the Godfather so they are going to fake watch it. I just can’t. Teresa explaining the Godfather is hilarious.

I would watch a show with just Teresa and her kids. I hope Bravo makes that show happen when Juicy goes to prison. Dina is visiting with the Ziegler chick that had the ridiculous show about mediating divorces. We are now being asked to listen to Dina talk about her marriage again. For the love of God, why did Dina come back just to humiliate herself like this? She looks weak and dull, not inspired and strong.

Cut to the twins, I wonder what it must be like to be this dumb in real life.  Everyone is nagging on Nicole about being with Bobby for a year without being married. Again, he is just not that into her. When Teresa got divorced, Rino dated strippers. Surprise! The twins have a lot of skeletons in the closets, which prove they're dumb because too many skeletons don't go well with reality TV. It will be a disaster.

Tre and Juicy are having a meeting on Valentine’s Day. He is wearing a red shirt, yet she says V Day is not a big deal. It is sad. This marriage is stressed and I feel bad for them. Juicy tells Teresa she needs to hustle and make money, which pisses me off for some reason. She is working to pay for his mistakes. He continues to make bad choices in my opinion. Milania comes in and saves the scene, like she always does. 

Dina is talking to her assistant and I've checked out. I'm ready to skip over every Dina scene because they are a waste of time. We are now having Valentine’s dinner with Melissa and Joe. This show is painful to blog. Melissa is a loser, Joe is great, and when she gives him a book of sexy pictures, I am done. The sparkled tights are going to make me spit up my wine and that is wasteful so I am moving on quickly.

Teresa and Nicole are having Valentine’s Day dinner with their parents, Rina and Bobby. Really? They're talking about love. Who cares? We don’t know these people and it is too soon for us to care about them on this level. They're the only people eating in a restaurant on Valentine’s Day? This is bullshit. I don’t believe anything about these people and they’re a one season group so why bother getting invested?

Teresa is doing a book signing and says she never knows if people will show up. The thing is we like Teresa. Who we don’t like, is Amber. After all the crap about wanting to distance her family from Teresa’s, Amber goes to her signing? Bullshit. Victoria Gotti shows up. I like Victoria. She is the real thing and there is no bullshit with her. Victoria invites Amber and Teresa to come for a drink and Amber freaks out. She is such a tool.

Back to Teresa, she and Amber are at Victoria’s house. Amber thinks there will be a mob hit at any moment. Teresa says she and Amber live far from each other, yet they are in the same car? Bullshit. Teresa mentions Amber lives close to Rina, which is an invitation to Victoria to talk about Rona. Blah, blah, blah. RHONJ needs a new writer. One who isn’t an idiot and is aware that we are actualy paying attention.

Turns out Rino hit on Victoria years ago and they remained friends. She recounts a night when Rino told her Teresa would never forgive him for cheating because the person he cheated with was Teresa’s mother Santa. There you have it people, RHONJ has gone Jerry Springer. Rina cheated on his wife with his mother-in-law. Remember the skeletons I mentioned earlier? They’re out of the closet and dancing on the table.

Amber and Teresa arrived together, but Amber is leaving alone and gets out fast. Teresa and Victoria continue talking and I think it would be great to have Victoria in the cast instead of the twins and Amber. Teresa tells Victoria her businesses are suffering and shares a text from Gia. Poor Gia. Teresa is using her for sympathy and it is not cool. Next week will be all about Tre and Juicy taking a plea on their case.

Next week will be interesting. We've been waiting for this episode and wonder how it will be addressed and edited. Everyone will try to get camera time talking about Teresa and how much they support her, but who knows if they really care. Time will tell. Gia will cry, we will cry, and for one moment we will be reinvested in this show. Time will tell if they choose to fake it or keep it real.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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