October 28, 2013 | 7:57 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I have been watching Real Housewives of Miami, but not blogging about it. The show is slow and not interesting, just like the cast. These women and their friendships are fake and it is all silly. We are almost through the season and all we have seen is fighting and crying. Alexia is humiliating her children, Marisol cries all the time, Lea lies all the time, Adriana continues to show how dumb she is, and Lisa is allowing us to see her marriage fall apart. It is ridiculous, but I watch, and now I blog.
We start with Joanna planning her wedding. She is gorgeous, but not a good enough actress to make her scenes look real and not scripted. She is marrying a gorgeous man who seems to love her, just has no interest in touching her. Chicks don’t do it for me and I would touch her. She is humiliating him on this show, which may be why she is not getting laid. I don’t get their relationship and can only assume it is for TV.
Over with Lea, her voice gives me a sharp pain in my lower back. I think she is a liar, and I just can’t get past how hideous her husband is. She is selling skincare and handbags. Oy vey. She is pathetic and not even a little bit appealing. Cut to Lisa, her Birkin bag is too big for her body and looks stupid. Her body is stretched so tight I don’t know how she manages to breathe. She is visiting Alexia, then Adriana joins them. Gossip time.
Lisa tells them she went to Texas with Lea and Adriana is jealous because she was never taken to see the Texas family. Lisa wants to mend the friendship between Adriana and Lea, and Adriana says she wants it. Translation: If she makes up with Lea maybe she will get more screen time. I hate this show. Adriana needs Lea so she can get free skincare. Yikes. She also dresses totally inappropriate for her age. Not cute ladies.
Lea is having a launch party for her handbags. Ick. The ladies all arrive to talk about how beautiful her overpriced and not that cute bags are. Lisa uses Lea’s special night to talk about Adriana. I cannot take anything Lisa says seriously because she looks so ridiculous. Lea shuts Lisa down because it is not the time or the place. Then Lisa brings it up again. Exactly how old are these women? Joanna is now pissed off and piping in.
Joanna tells Lisa to back off and then starts acting like drunk Joanna, but she has not been drinking, so maybe Joanna is just crazy, not drunk. Joanna is now losing her mind, Lea is telling Lisa to not be friends with Adriana, Alexia is inarticulate, probably due to the amount of bleach she uses on her hair, and Joanna then tells Lisa she is no longer in her wedding party and kicks her out of Lea’s party. Why am I watching this?
The editing on this show sucks. Lisa leaves, Alexia goes after her, I am bored and pissed off at myself for deciding to blog this show on a day I had dental surgery and cannot drink anything. What was I thinking? Joanna follows Lisa out into the parking lot and keeps the fight going. Dear Lord. These women are pathetic. Rather than be humiliated by being embarrassed at her party, Lea is simply happy for the camera time.
Joanna is pissed off and Romain wants to make out, but she shuts him down. She begs him to have sex with her, he tries, she shoots him down. This chick is not mentally stable. She truly has issues and it is sad because she seems to be oblivious to the fact that she looks like an idiot. Would you want to be that pretty if it meant you also needed to be that dumb? She needs to treat her man better because who else would take her on?
Lea is having a party to unveil the remodel of her grand ballroom. Oy vey. I bet it cost a fortune, but it is just not my taste. She also redid her kitchen, which now looks cheap. I don’t get it. I also don’t get why she invited Adriana. So fake. So lame. So scripted. I also don’t get why Frederik’s shirt is unbuttoned so low. Fired housewife Karent is there to gossip and try to grab another minute of housewife fame. Bless her.
Lisa and Joanna decide to talk alone for a minute. Lisa is mature and clearly the most authentic of them them all. An interesting thing since she is also the fakest looking. Joanna blames her madness on her sister skipping her bachelorette party. Joanna backpedals and says she didn’t mean to kick her out of the wedding party. This show is stupid, these chicks are stupid, and we are all stupid to watch. (She writes as watching.)
Lea is having this huge and important party, yet her husband is not there? He must have been out making money defending gutter pigs who kill innocent people. Time for another scripted attempt at friendship. Lisa and Alexia are pushing for Adriana and Lea to talk. Enough already. Lea and Adriana finally talk alone and then it happens. Something so shocking I can hardly wrap my head around it and am still in shock and confused.
Adriana becomes the first real housewife in history to actually shed a real tear while crying. For the love of God, what is happening? We have been watching fake crying for years, in every city of this franchise, and FINALLY a real tear?!?! I am crushing on Adriana a little bit. Mazel Tov! My admiration for her will not last until next week of course, but it is a nice moment right now. A housewife actually had a moment of keeping it real!
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