November 7, 2011 | 9:36 pm

Real Housewives of BH: Is that Beverly Hills or Botox Heaven?

Posted by Ilana Angel

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Kyle Richars

These chicks seriously make me sick.  I used to dig them because it’s where I live, so seeing the hood is cool, plus their wealth is fascinating.  They are now just a bunch of fame whores, who have no real loyalty to each other, and nothing to do with their time.  They suck the joy out of the real housewife franchise.  The bores of DC where better than this group.

We start with Paul offering free services to the ladies.  Translation:  he is a fame and money whore who is doing this so all the wannabes will now call his office and get the work done. Taylor is getting filler, and Lisa is there to tell her to eat something.  Taylor lets us know her face is genetically thin. Great.  What about the rest of your anorexic body sweetie?

Kim is on her way and calls Paul to say she is coming.  She is a mess.  The thing is, she is also quite entertaining and the higher she is, the more fun she becomes.  It’s sad because you want to tell her to get help, but at the same time you want to pour her a drink so she will be fun.  It’s a sad and vicious cycle.  Taylor’s face makes me cringe.  Eat Skeletor.

Camille skips the party because she is home with her kids, having just heard Kelsey has sued her for custody of their kids.  He’s a loser and she can take comfort in knowing that he will rot in hell.  Lisa and Kyle call her to check in which is lame and an on camera crap fest.  Meanwhile Russell is emailing Lisa letting her know his marriage with Taylor is going great.

Kim finally arrives and let’s Kyle know she is not coming to the séance because it’s against her religion.  Kyle thinks she’s nuts, but it’s true. Séances are indeed not permitted in the Church of Crack.  Kim needs an intervention.  Sidebar:  Any mention of Russell Armstrong on this show is sickening and Bravo should be ashamed of themselves.  It’s disgusting.

I cannot let another episode pass without commenting on Adrienne’s hair and clothes.  Is this an episode of Dallas, circa 1980?  Her hair is in desperate need of a good cut and color, and her clothes are silly. The belted blue shirt with shoulder pads was ugly.  With her money and time, there is no excuse for her to look how she does.  None. Get a stylist, or fire the one your have.

Kim, who made endless fun of Taylor for doing her lips, gets her lips done. Kyle leaves in a huff.  I used to think Kyle was fun, but now I think is a complete and total bitch.  She is not funny, not a good friend, and if she mentions Paris one more time I will scream.  She went from my favorite to who cares about you?  Camille is my new favorite BH housewife.

Kyle calls Brandi to invite her to the séance.  Such a load of crap.  She does not want her there and it’s a simple case of Bravo scripting.  Why Kyle would choose to include her young daughter is beyond me.  Instead of whoring out her kids, maybe she should spend her time explaining to her good friend Taylor that she is too old to not be wearing a bra.  Strap them in already.

Taylor goes to Kyle to ask for help when it comes to Lisa, who is spreading rumors about her.  Kyle, Lisa’s great friend, suggests that maybe Lisa preys on the weak.  Dear Lord, with friends like Kyle, who needs enemies?  The séance is on and all the fake kissing and hugging is hilarious.  Between Camille and Faye, Kyle and Brandi, I am laughing.  Thank God for wine.

As for the medium who is doing the reading, really?  As an avid watcher of this show, and a person with access to Google, I could do as good of, if not better, job.  It’s so lame.  I’m more interested in the earthquake in Oklahoma City than I am in this fake reading.  If you mute the TV and speak for them it’s fantastic.  My version of this séance is freaking hilarious!

Kyle heads over to Kim’s and it’s gross.  Why is it that Kim cannot do anything in her life without telling Kyle?  Kyle is offended that Kim does not tell her stuff.  Really?  Reality check Kyle.  She does not tell you because you are a total bitch.  If I were Kim’ s friend, my advice to her would be for her to tell Kyle nothing.  You are a conniving backstabber Kyle.

I like it that Kim is strong enough to stand up to Kyle and tell her she is doing this for herself and nobody else.  That said, if I always did things for other people and was finally going to do
something for myself, moving in with Ken is not the way I would go.  Maybe get a new car, or a get new drug dealer, but not this.  That said, I wish Kim well and hope he is nice.

Next week is going to piss me off.  I am seriously offended by any and all reference to Russell, and next week will be upsetting.  Bad enough his children have this show as a legacy of their dad, but to drag all this garbage up is just mean and selfish.  Next week will be rough and I can tell you right now to buckle up because on behalf of Russell, I will be keeping it real.

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