This show is exhausting to watch. The women are so full of crap that it’s as if we are watching full blown scripted television, written by really bad writers, and staring really bad actresses. Even the ones I like are becoming unappealing. Never mind that watching Russell feels dirty.
This week picks up at the White Party, where Taylor and Russell have been kicked out. I think Kyle is more of a mess than her sister. Kim is high so you can almost forgive her, but Kyle is just straight up mean. She cannot be trusted, especially by her sister, and her tears are fake.
Taylor is gone so in the middle of the party, they sit around and talk about it. Russell was blindsided by lies and I don’t think he had intentions of suing. Camille, who I really like, tells the camera her lawyers told her to stay away from Russell. Then why go to the party?
If the girls were worried about Taylor’s safety, why put her in danger? Tell Camille not to come, and talk to Russell so he won’t sue. This was a bomb ready to blow. You can feel honest concern from Lisa, but I think the rest of the ladies loved every minute of the drama.
Adrienne likes the sound of her own voice and could be saying something of value, but her hair makes it impossible to take anything she says seriously. In the car Russell appears to have no idea what is going on, or why Camille lied. Taylor is squirming.
Russell is either in complete denial about his abuse of Taylor, or Taylor lied about it all. She tells Russell she did talk about their marriage to the girls and told them that “all couples fight”. Very true, but not all men break the jaw of their wife and have no memory of ever doing it.
Lisa is sad and Kyle tells her they need to go and have a good time because she’s worked too hard. In the blink of Botoxed eye, Kyle is dancing, laughing gossiping about Taylor and having a great time. Meanwhile, Russell is either planning is own death, or beating the crap out of his wife.
Adrienne lets us know women kiss better than men. Kim is sloshed and making out with Ken in front of her kids, who appear to be on the verge of vomiting. Kyle is watching and pretending to be grossed out but she is just jealous the cameras have left her for a minute.
They gang is going to Hawaii to celebrate Mauricio’s birthday. Important to note that on the entire planet, in every city and town, Giggy is the cutest dog ever. Seeing him in his pants and Hawaiian shirt makes me think that I will stalk Lisa around town and steal her dog. I freaking love this dog.
Everyone is at the airport, the flight is leaving in 45 minutes and Kim and Ken have not arrived. Kyle gets her on the phone and she is clearly not herself. By not herself of course I mean she is high as a kite. It’s very sad. Especially since we now know she has been in rehab recently.
Back in LA, Taylor is in her fake therapy session saying she was kicked out of the party and did not go to Hawaii. He is clearly leading her in conversation and it’s disgusting. Taylor is mad that her friendships are suffering. Really? The beating is okay, just leave my friends alone?
Kim lets Kyle know she is on a later flight but we cannot understand what she is saying because of the slurring. Paul is taking a later flight, which is weird. If he had to work why would Adrienne not wait and fly with her husband? That marriage is just too much trouble to end.
Kyle is insisting to Lisa that Kim is not happy. That is because Kyle knows everything about Kim. Except of course that she had a boyfriend. Kyle knows nothing about Kim because Kim does not tell her stuff. Kyle is not warm and fuzzy and I wouldn’t tell her anything either.
The gang takes a plane to their island. By plane of course I mean Howard Hughes may have actually flown this plane. Brandi drank and took a Xanax because she is a fearful flyer, and she is now plastered. She is a sloppy drunk, which translates to good television. Go Team Brandi!
Sidebar: Brandi says a man who drives a red Ferrari has a small penis. Adrienne tells us her brother drove one, and with a knowing wink lets us know Brandi’s theory is wrong. Really? Adrienne can confirm the size of her adult brother’s penis? Next time just fly with your husband.
Lisa is back in a good light. For a couple of weeks I didn’t get her. In the end it was me, not her. She is who she is, and she is fabulous. I was grossed out by Taylor so I blurred the lines. In the end Lisa is funny and perhaps the most honest and inherently kind out of the ladies.
Paul arrives to the hotel and Adrienne greets him in her 1980’s half visor, which matches her 80’s hair and clothes. He tells Adrienne that Kim was on the flight, but disappeared into the bathroom for a while and seemed a little off. She still has a connector flight to make, as he came early.
He wants to make sure they have some romance as they never travel alone, and she shoots down all his ideas. Adrienne is not nice to her husband and while it was funny in the beginning, it no longer is. At the pool Camille and Brandi are getting some sun. They both look fabulous.
Brandi’s body is a topic of conversation for all the ladies. Brandi looks amazing. I would like to have that body for one day. I would walk around naked and simply admire it from every angle. This is a spectacular looking woman, which makes the LeAnn thing make less sense.
Taylor calls and tells Lisa and Kyle that she is ending her marriage. Why she chose to call them in Hawaii and not wait two days is unclear, but I’m guessing Bravo planned it. Lisa cries and is compassionate, while Kyle is robotic and cold, and all I can think about is Russell.
Next week we see Kim finally shows up and it’s not going to be good. I like her and think if she were not suffering from substance abuse she would be just kooky enough to be fabulously entertaining. Sadly I will watch again next week, hoping that maybe someone will keep it real.
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