December 17, 2012 | 10:24 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I didn’t get a chance to blog teh show last week and feel bad skipping ahead so here is a breakdown of last week. By breakdown of course I mean a list of five things worth mentioning. Important to note that finding five things was hard because this show is dragging her ass along in a very boring way.
Review of last week:
1. Kyle gives her daughter a fancy shmancy car for her 16th birthday but does not want us to think she is pretentious. Kyle is a pig and every time she says she was born and raised in Beverly Hills I laugh because she was not born or raised in Beverly Hills. Kyle is a fame whore who used her daughter getting a car as a way to plug her husband's business.
2. Brandi meets with her book agent. Lisa plugs her new show. Brandi has a scripted call with Lisa. Kim appears to be hammered. Kim slams Kyle. Brandi drops some kind of bomb about Adrienne. Adrienne says she is not friends with Brandi. Paul has a hairy back. Kyle pushes for her husband to have a spin off about his new agency. Mauricio brags about how rich he is.
Sidebar: Oh. My. God. We are 33 minutes in and NOTHING interesting has happened. NOTHING.
3. Ken has hip surgery and Lisa is more stressed than him. She is lovely, he is charming, I love them both, and their love is enviable. Ken is fine, Lisa is relieved, and life goes on.
4. Kim runs to Adrienne and tells Adrienne and Paul what Brandi said about her. Adrienne has a guilty laugh, Paul gets pissed off, and all hell breaks loose. Kim is clearly not following her 12 steps and Adrienne is ready to sue. We don’t know what the secret is so it is all very silly. Kim is a troublemaker, Paul is a dumbass, and Adrienne is a troll.
5. Paul gets up in Brandi’s face and threatens her, which is just gross. Paul and Adrienne are attacking Brandi, and Kyle makes it all about her. Paul is offended Brandi called Adrienne a bitch, seconds after he calls her a bitch repeatedly. Taylor tries to make it all about her. Adrienne calls Brandi a crack head, and so the pathetic train wreck go on.
Moving on to this week……
Adrienne and Paul leave and Taylor tries to make it all about Paul wanting to abuse Brandi and it is hilarious. This pathetic husband killer wants to make it all about her and I’m laughing. Kyle tells Kim she was out of line telling them at Mauricio’s event, and Kim could care less. Kyle says she was going to tell Adrienne, just not at the party. Kyle is a liar.
Kim appears to be all about hurting Kyle, Kyle is all about throwing Kim under the bus, and Camille has a lot of airtime for someone not on the show anymore. Taylor is with some yes guy who is annoying, and Brandi appears to be in shock. Kyle cries because she is not the center of attention, and Taylor again tries to make it all about her not killing her husband.
Lisa is nursing Ken back to health and he is milking it, which is all quite funny. Kim is going to Vegas, which is exactly where an alcoholic with five minutes of sobriety should go. Kyle is talking to Mauricio who says he thinks Brandi is disgusting. Really? Look at your wife Sparky. She is disgusting and you are using this show to make yourself a big shot. Enough already.
Just when I think Kyle is totally gross, she manages to get even grosser. She is out for lunch with Faye Resnick. For those of you who don’t know who Faye is, she used the tragic murder of her friend Nicole Brown Simpson as a tool to make herself some money. She danced on her grave to seek fame for herself and I have no respect for her. Faye who?
Everything about Faye Resnick is offensive to me. She reminds me of a stupid monkey who eats her own poop. Now, before people make this a racist comment, pick any animal that eats it’s own crap if you are offended by my comparing her to a monkey. She has no moral compass, has sold her soul to the devil, and should not be on this show.
We see Yolanda working out with her trainer and I have to wonder why she bothered to be on this show if we were only going to see her for a couple of minutes here and there. She is not into it, we are not into her, so she should cut her losses and bail. I’m sure she thought it would be fun, which could have been clarified if she had just watched last season. It is not fun.
Kyle is having the girls over for a dinner party to celebrate her dining room being done. We meet Marisa Zanack who is quite pretty but in a rather unfortunate dress. Kyle goes on and on about how Marisa is Hollywood royalty but come on. She married into the Zanuck family and is not part of the history. Kyle is pathetic and I honestly cannot stand her.
That said, I like Marisa and would like to see more of her. Brandi arrives and it is sad that everyone hates on her. She is tall and beautiful and the trolls are jealous. All the talk from Kyle about her new dining room and we see it for a second. Kyle was about getting airtime, not showing off her home. Kyle is so into fame and money that is beyond unattractive.
Kyle says Kim did not come because of her son’s birthday and it is revealed that Kyle was not invited. Kim is on a mission to hurt her sister and I hope more of that is revealed. Adrienne did not come and Faye says she spoke to her and she is hurt. Then the conversation turns to what the fight is all about between Brandi and Adrienne. I’m on Team Brandi for this one.
Faye is criticizing Brandi and Brandi is not going to engage her because she does not know Faye, and it is none of her business. Kyle tries to be the nice one and it is lame because she is a bitch. Brandi is trying to be kind and Faye is all over her like white on rice. Faye is there to do the dirty work for Kyle so she is clean. Kyle is an idiot and Faye is a troll.
Faye is a hot mess. By hot mess of course I mean she is willing to do anything Kyle tells her to do in order to be on the show, including being her talking piece. It is another gang up on Brandi dinner and I am over it. Kyle and Faye want her to send Adrienne flowers to say sorry. Really? Sorry for what? Paul should be sending Brandi flowers for being a douchebag.
Marisa is on Brandi’s side too and I like her for speaking up for someone she does not know. Faye then goes off on Brandi and I am laughing because this woman is a bitch, and a pig, and she needs to shut up. Honestly it was such a bad call for Bravo to employ this horrible woman. She is going to suck the life out of it, but if we are lucky Marisa will breathe some life back in.
I am going to be out of the country for the next two weeks and will miss the show, which is a drag. I will read other blogs, and rely on my Twitter people to fill me in. Don’t leave out anything important and don’t hold back. Just as you read my blog because you know I am going to be honest and share my truth, I will be expecting you to watch and keep it real!
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