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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Season Finale Recap

by Ilana Angel

March 25, 2013 | 5:55 pm

The women of Beverly Hills are ending with a bang and I am so happy the first half of the reunion will follow the finale.  That is how it should always be.  It is going to be explosive and I cannot wait to see it all play out.  I have my wine ready to go and am going to crank this one out quickly so I can get to my Passover Seder.  Buckle up people because here we go!

We are at Lisa’s vow renewal party and all is well.  But not really.  Brandi is talking with Yolanda, Lisa and Jennifer about Faye telling Brandi that she broke up Adrienne’s family.  They bring Marisa over to finish their conversation about Brandi telling Marisa to have a hall pass.  This all started with Marisa and I am still unclear why Marisa is on the show at all.

Brandi is admitting what she texted may not have been great, and Lisa does not understand why it all has to go down at her special party.  Yolanda is a great friend and not into the women treating each other badly.  I like Yolanda. Marisa admits that it was Faye who said that Brandi will sleep with anyone, including a married man.  Faye is a stupid and useless whore.

Cut to Husband Killer who is going on and on about how close she is to Linda Thompson, yet David had no idea who she was.  Taylor is a liar and Linda does not belong on the show either.  Taylor cries for exactly one second, then turns it off and has a drink.  Meanwhile Faye is attacking Lisa in her own home.  Faye tells Lisa she is manipulated by Brandi and not nice.

I don’t get why Lisa does not simply through the garbage out of her house. Faye is in over her head with Lisa.  She is mentally deficient and cannot hold her own against a sharp cookie like Lisa.  Yolanda and Brandi are not having it and head over to help Lisa.  Lisa tells them what Faye said and Kyle says she does not like to get involved.  Kyle is another piece of garbage.

It is now a smack down on Faye and I am really into it.  Faye did not see anything, but is spreading lies.  Brandi made out in a bathroom.  Who cares? Haven’t we all made out in a bathroom at a party?  I certainly have.  Faye is a backstabbing bitch and she should take a look at her own history of lies and whoredom before she says another word.  I can’t stand this bitch.

Faye is wondering why she is being attacked. Really?  Faye is bored with the conversation, probably because she doesn’t understand it.  Everyone tells her to go and she just keeps going on and on.  Kyle steps in and I want to smack her.  Kyle is hideous and they are ruining Lisa’s party.  Instead of backing up Lisa, she is siding with Faye. Again. Faye needs to go back to hell.

Everyone is telling Kyle that Faye is out of line and Kyle still does not get it. Kyle is a moron and proves it by saying Faye is upset because of Adrienne. Brandi had nothing to do with Adrienne’s marriage ending.  It was ending long before Brandi was even on the show.  Adrienne is a loser, Kim is a loser, Kyle is a loser, and Brandi is looking better and better every minute.

Kim is now having a nervous breakdown at the party because Kyle is not on her side.  Kim needs to get off this show before something really tragic happens to her.  In the end Kyle is ruining lives in her pursuit of fame and it is repulsive.  If anyone cared about Kim Richards they would tell her to live her life off camera and focus on getting well and staying well.

Lisa is with her daughter who is celebrating her one year anniversary as Lisa celebrates 30.  Just as the dust settles with Faye, Adrienne walks in with her ugly hair and horrible dress.  Kyle forces herself to cry and Kim is still crying from before, then Adrienne starts crying.  I love how they are all wiping their faces when there are no tears.  Adrienne makes me itchy.

It is so horrible for these bitches to do this at Lisa’s party.  Truly selfish and unkind.  Ken is offended Adrienne did not come to talk to them before holding court in a room with everyone.  Who cares Adrienne?  What a loser she is.  I am now glad she is not going to be at the reunion.  She is a troll and her 15 minutes are up.  She can shove her ugly shoes up her ass.

Marisa and Yolanda are talking and Yolanda calls Adrienne out for having an ulterior motive in coming to the party.  Everyone is kissing Adrienne’s ass and I hope they get an eye poked out by the shoe that is jammed up there. Adrienne has the balls to say that Lisa is in the wrong for not approaching her.  Is she high?  It’s her anniversary party you stupid bitch.

Then, without a word to Lisa or Ken, Adrienne leaves the party.  I cannot stand this woman.  Kyle needs to be taken down a notch and Yolanda could not be coming off better.  I didn’t get her in the beginning, but I have respect for her now.  I hope Yolanda comes back and Marisa does not.  I also hope Kyle gets a look at herself and sees what a troll she is really is.

Brandi finds Lisa alone in her room and it is heartbreaking.  She feels uncomfortable renewing her vows when there is so much ugliness in the house.  Brandi tells Lisa to get it together and have her moment.  Brandi and Lisa are cute together and I love their friendship.  Brandi makes an inappropriate joke, they laugh at the silliness of it all, and go downstairs.

Lisa and Ken are invited up to the flower heart to renew their vows and as soon as the music starts I want to cry.  They have the marriage we all want and it is a real accomplishment to celebrate 30 years together.  It is really beautiful and I am so very happy for them.  Ken promises to continue to obey her and it is charming.  Ken reads a speech and I am now crying.

He tells her he always loved her and probably never deserved her.  It is really beautiful. They pass Giggy back and forth as they share their speeches and then Kyle makes it all about Adrienne again.  Dear Lord.  SHUT UP VILE!  Lisa speaks as they show her wedding pictures and it is just perfect.  True love really does exist and we have now all seen it.

It has been a season of highs and lows, joy and sorrow, angels and bitches.  They have all shown their true colors and editing cannot be blamed for what we saw.  I can’t wait to see some of them again, and hope I don’t ever see some of the others.  We can only hope that Bravo listens to the viewers and brings back only those who keep it real.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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