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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Reunion Recap Part 2

by Ilana Angel

March 24, 2014 | 7:23 pm

*Tonight's typos are brought to you by Merlot.

Dear Lord we have come back for more. The reunions are always interesting but never are they more revealing than in Beverly Hills. These women have sharpened their claws and are out for blood, which is very entertaining. The show starts off talking about the women working out and having plastic surgery. There is a whole lot of filler and Botox on this set.

Kyle says she does Botox, Brandi admits to overdoing it on filler, Yolanda makes a joke about child abuse while telling her daughter to not eat, and Joyce says she is lucky to eat what she wants and stay thin. That would make sense if we believed she actually ate anything. Kim defends traveling with her juicer. Everyone denies having facial plastic surgery.

Brandi takes a shot at Adrienne, then Joyce says she does not agree with her tagline about women not being able to be too thin. If she didn’t think it she wouldn’t have said it. She said it, should own it, and not deny it because everyone thinks she’s an idiot. Andy then jumps to Carlton and her witchcraft. It is her religion and he should have respected it.

Carlton is explaining her faith and it sounds like she is defending it, which makes me sad. She does not need to explain herself or her choice of faith. We then see a video trip down memory lane of the relationship between Carlton and Kyle. Kyle says Carlton had an agenda and came in as a viewer of the show who was against Kyle before ever meeting her. It’s on.

Kyle is not a very nice person and she fights dirty. Andy asks Carlton a question but Kyle jumps in and gets nasty. Carlton defends herself and says she is only defensive about her faith with Kyle. That makes sense since Kyle is the only one who judges her. Kyle tries to embarrass Carlton by pointing out she knows what a pentagram is because of Richard Ramirez.

It is a cheap shot, one that will totally give people the wrong impression, and I am amazed nobody is speaking up and telling Kyle to stop. These women are gross and I feel bad for Carlton. I don’t know anything about her religion and it doesn’t matter because we are all free to worship as we wish. It’s a shame that once again the reality television nut job is the Jew.

Sidebar: Kyle converted to Judaism to marry and she has made fun of and belittled Judaism on the show, so I take her with a grain of salt, but for one who made a choice as an adult to worship in a different way, she should shut the hell up about Carlton already. I also must mention Kyle’s mouth is bugging the crap out of me. She is a full on duck face. Not cute.

Brandi chimes in trying to defend Kyle, Yolanda comes to the defense of Carlton, and we get to the anti-Semitic comment. Carlton was crushed by the accusation and after she explains the hate that is connected to the label, Kyle says she thought she hated her that much. Really?  Kyle is an idiot and should visit the Museum of Tolerance for a little refresher.

Accusing Carlton of hating Jews when she harped on her religion for so long was stupid. I’m moving on. Kyle is telling Carlton to be quiet, Carlton is telling Kyle to be quiet, and they agree that they will never like each other. Translation: Kyle is going to pull rank and make sure that Carlton is not invited back, which I’m guessing Carlton is thrilled about.

Andy moves on to their kids growing up and leaving home and I just can’t. My son leaves in a few months and this is too much. I am watching and crying. I must say however that Joyce wiping her eyes is ridiculous. I can’t stand her and if Carlton goes, they better get rid of this bitch two. Lose one lose them both. Joyce is using a crying voice but there are NO TEARS.

Cutting to Kyle, she gets fake emotional about her kid leaving. Oh. My. God. No tears, no. crying. Knock it off already ladies. We now see a recap of Kim and Lisa falling out.  Lisa is talking out of her ass when it comes to Kim. Kim defends herself beautifully, then Brandi and Kyle jump in to mention Lisa made a point of shining light on Kim missing out on things.

Kim is talking about Ken being aggressive and mean and Lisa is upset she is talking about Ken because they have been so supportive. Lisa is in a bit of denial about what she says and plays dumb, which is silly because she is more conniving than dumb.  They go on and on about Lisa not going to the party Kim gave for her daughter’s graduation and I’m bored.

I’m also on everyone’s side except for Lisa. She is selfish and in my opinion never had any intention of going to the graduation party. They are all talking over each other, Andy has no control, and I am losing interest. I am also on my second glass of wine. Thank God. They are now talking about Brandi and start with a video recap of her ups and down this season.

Brandi says she went through depression and is taking care of it with medication. She is brave to discuss her battles and her reaction to the video montage is sad but lovely. There is talk of Brandi having a drinking problem and Joyce says she needs to go to rehab and was told Brandi calls the paparazzi to come photograph her. No doubt LeAnn Rimes told her.

Joyce says it was her publicist who told her. Whatever. Sidebar: When I invited Joyce to have an interview with me her publicist wanted me to "promise" I would be nice. Joyce and her publicist are both dumb as dirt. Brandi is not calling paparazzi and the highlight of this whole section is Yolanda’s facial expression at Joyce having a publicist. Hilarious.

Joyce says Brandi plays victim and calls out Brandi for playing the poor me card when so many other single mothers struggle. Brandi and Joyce are talking over each other, which makes everything they say pointless. There is no side to pick here because they are both being ridiculous. One week to go and the final show will hopefully end with everyone keeping it real.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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