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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: Drinking Solution

by Ilana Angel

December 22, 2013 | 11:12 am

We are still in Palm Springs, which is dragging on. These chicks are not giving us anything in LA and the hope was Palm Springs would take it up a notch, but in the end not so much. We are still at dinner and Kyle lets Brandi and Yolanda know they are a gang. Brandi calls Kyle an asshole while drinking, a lot. Kyle is acting confused by the attack. Kyle forgets that Kyle is a bitch.

Kim is judging Brandi’s drinking, which is funny. I don’t think Ms. Richards is sober. Now, before people get all pissed off and come after me, it is just my opinion, based on what we are watching. If you don’t think she is using something, then I hope you're right. Lisa is trying to stop the free flowing drunk talk of Brandi while Kyle goes to the bathroom to cry with no tears. Yolanda goes to support her and the hug is awkward to watch.

Yolanda is lovely, Kyle is delusional, and Kim is messy. I would rather be drunk like Brandi than sedated like Kim. Speaking of Kim, she comes to check on her sister, followed by Lisa who is talking about cheating without talking about cheating, which is condescending. Kim tries to pee with the door open and Lisa shuts it. Kim goes off on Lisa and gets mad at her for shutting the door. Kim is a hot mess. Sweet and harmless, but a mess.

Kyle continues to fake cry, this time in front of the kitchen staff. Kim tells Yolanda she would like to work on their friendship. Ugh. Brandi is a cute drunk, until she is not cute anymore. Carlton is not digging the drama and Jacqueline is silent. Kim apologizes to Lisa, Lisa wants to talk about it, I’m bored. Brandi is drooling over Carlton and then everyone heads back to their rooms. Yolanda and Lisa are off to bed. How much longer?

Kyle and Joyce have gone to swim and Brandi is making the moves on Carlton, who is not interested. Kyle is swimming in full makeup and gigantic earrings, which makes me laugh. Kim joins at the pool while Carlton and Brandi go to see Lisa and Yolanda.  Brandi is now drinking wine straight from the bottle while Kyle tries to look natural and beautiful in the pool. Neither thing is good. Kyle is unappealing and Brandi is sloppy.

Cut to the morning, Brandi is sober, Yolanda is heading back to LA, Carlton and Lisa are leaving after dinner, and Brandi will be left with the evil bunch on her own. Brave girl is going to stay. I would have left if I were her. Brandi says he does not have a drinking problem, but rather a drinking solution. I thought that was funny. The girls are off to the tram to have lunch atop the mountain, which Jacqueline has set up. Ugh.

Sidebar: Joyce, Yoyce, Jacqueline, brings nothing to this show. I had high hopes for her in the beginning but she is stale.  She is a troublemaker, a pretty girl who is trying very hard to be accepted, and in the end choosing the mean girls over the authentic ones. She wrote me on Twitter to ask why I hate her, which was hilarious.  I don’t know you Joyce. I am simply writing about a show and what you have done and said.

They are now in the tram. Kyle is a moron, Joyce is scared, Kim is odd, Brandi is hurting, and I am once again bored. Underneath the sign that says not to feed the animals, Carlton is feeding the squirrels while Kim looks on with glee. Carlton is a squirrel whisperer and Brandi informs her she needs a tetanus shot. Funny. Lunch is about to be served. Kyle is scared of squirrels and her need for attention is actually offensive.

Joyce keeps playing with her hair. Probably because her scalp is itchy. She told Andy on WWHL that she only washes her hair once a week. Dear Lord. Washing your hair once a week is disgusting. Kim is rambling about nonsense and we are reminded she has nothing to say and nothing to bring. Yolanda lets the women know she is having a dinner party on Tuesday night and all the girls are invited to attend.

How much of a bonus does Yolanda get to have this group in her home? She’s a classy lady and they are going to dumb it down and do something lame. Kim is praying next to a trash can and it is sad. She is feeling grateful and I applaud her and think it is lovely. That said, she’s on top of a mountain, surrounded by beauty, and she is going to pray to the trash? The woman needs to get off this show. She is humiliating herself.

Back at the house Carlton tells Brandi she does not want their kisses shared with the group. Fair enough. Kyle and Joyce are in the kitchen preparing for taco night, which Brandi will cook. Joyce makes a dig about Brandi’s drinking but it does not matter as nobody really pays attention to what Joyce says. Dinner is boring and Brandi leaves the table to call her kids. Then all hell breaks loose for Brandi with a sad turn of events.

She learns her house has been broken into and one of her dogs is missing. Her assistant is telling her she cannot find the dog and she is shaken and upset that her children’s dog has gone missing. Brandi is heading home to see what is going on and find the dog. When Brandi cries for the dog my heart breaks. Then Joyce steps in to offer comfort and it goes horribly wrong. Joyce says she lost a dog once and it is on.

I feel bad for Joyce on this one. She was trying to be nice, Brandi was on edge and took it the wrong way. There is no winning in the battle of Joyce and Brandi. They simply cannot get on the same page. In this instant I'm Team Joyce. Listening to Brandi sob breaks my heart. Only a single mother can truly understand her pain. The tears were about not only about the dog missing, but what Chica means to her when her kids are away.

Important to note that since this episode aired, Joyce has done countless interviews saying Brandi is horrible and needs to be in rehab. Pick your battles carefully Joyce. People love and hate Brandi with a passion and she is the main reason we come back each week. Talking shit about her makes you look like an idiot. Brandi is what reality television is all about. You don’t have to like her, not everyone does, just stop talking about it.

These women are fun to watch and while I completely agree that new blood was needed, we have not yet seen that correct blood was chosen. I like Carlton and think she will bring us some good TV, but I am not sure about Joyce. She is a little too pageant girl. Amazing to look at, but not a lot worth listening to. Time will tell I suppose. I’m watching, a little bored, but thankful Carlton, Yolanda and Brandi are keeping it real.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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