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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Dinner Party Recap

by Ilana Angel

December 23, 2013 | 5:44 pm

* Tonight's typos are generously sponsored by Jose Cuervo.

We are finally back from Palm Springs and start this week with Yolanda buying flowers for her dinner party. She lets us know that the Canadian Tenors are from Canada, which makes me laugh. She also shares that her addiction is flowers and she can drop a grand on petals.  The arrangements for her party are glorious, but she could have done the same thing for 200 bucks at Trader Joe’s. God bless the rich and famous.

Over to Jacqueline, she is out for a scripted early dinner with her husband. She lets him know their son got his yellow belt in karate. Mazel to the little man but why wouldn’t he know that happened when it happened? I think her husband is cute, love his accent, but this couple is creepy. She calls him “baby”, he calls her “little girl” and it is just odd. She calls Brandi a racist and I am laughing at what this woman says.

If Ms. Puerto Rico wants us to think she understands the racism directed to black women she has lost her freaking mind. She says the name Brandi is that of a whore and it is quite entertaining. By entertaining of course I mean Joyce will be a one season housewife. Cut to Brandi, she is looking for her missing dog Chica. Kim is there helping her, then Kyle joins in to walk the neighborhood to hang signs, in clunky heals. Moron.

Brandi has fired the assistant who was watching the dogs when the house was broken into. Kyle is wearing full make up and a puffy pirate shirt to look for the dog. Brandi is certain the dog has been killed but is going through the motions for her kids. In the end the dog was never found and Brandi eventually got another dog for her kids. It is very sad, we will never know what happened, and can only pray the dog did not suffer.

Jumping to Carlton, she has a playroom in her house for her and her husband. She is going to turn it into a love den of sorts, which is interesting. I don’t get the relationship she has with her nanny Elizabeth. I’m not sure I would have done this scene with kids who will one day see it, but to each their own. Carlton is a bit of a freak in the sex department, which is no real surprise, but makes me like her a little more. Carlton is fun and scary.

Lisa is working on getting her new restaurant PUMP ready to open. It will be a bar catering to a gay clientele and will have a fabulous garden. Lisa looks beautiful but if the building of her new restaurant, which will probably be another show on Bravo, is her storyline I’m not interested. Over to Kim, she is training her dog Kingsley. Dear Lord. The dog is her storyline? I’m bored and more interested in the fabulous margarita I made for the show.

Kim is sending her dog off for a week with the trainer and she is sad as she depends on the dog so much. She calls her sobriety her “growth” and I wonder why she is not simply using the word sobriety. One is not lying I guess when they say they have growth. Interesting. I’m of the belief that Kim is lovely, charming, fragile, and kind. I am also one who thinks she should not be on this show, no matter how much money she gets.

Maybe if Kyle gave Kim back the money she made when she stole the house from her, she would not need to do this show to make money. Enough about that. We head to Yolanda’s for her party. Yolanda is perfect, the food looks divine, and I take back what I said about the flowers being just as good at Trader Joe’s. Her home is wonderful, her fridge is sick, and I love when she invites us in. She is brave to invite the other housewives in.

Carlton cancels right before dinner, saying she does not feel well. Shady. Brandi and Kyle head over together and they are drinking in the car. Brandi agrees to do some charity thing for Kyle and she is really quite funny. Kyle thinks Brandi only wants to be her friend in private. This is because Kyle is dumb. Kyle and Brandi arrive and I am a little perplexed by Yolanda’s hair. David Foster is annoyed Carlton cancelled so late. Agreed.

Jacqueline and her husband arrive, along with Kim, and the fake kisses are pissing me off.  Joyce and Brandi are throwing daggers at each other and Kyle has a really bad fake tan. Brandi, Lisa, and Kyle do a boob check and Kyle’s fake laugh makes my back hurt. Mauricio arrives and Kyle kisses him so we know he is not cheating. Kyle is classless and points out some namecards have a heart on them while others don’t.  We all know why.

Dinner is served and it looks gorgeous.  Mauricio hits on Joyce, which is entertaining. Interesting that Joyce’s husband got a better seat at dinner than Joyce. Brandi is drinking, Lisa is scolding, and something is going to blow. David welcomes everyone and speaks beautifully of his wife.  Weird that it is a party to share the Canadian Tenors but they are not included at the dinner. Yolanda gives a heartfelt thanks to her husband.

Yolanda speaks for 30 seconds and it made me cry. I love their love. Joyce gives a speech in Spanish, Brandi points out she only got second place in her pageant, Joyce tells the camera Brandi has a drinking problem. Brandi finds it odd that Joyce calls her husband baby, he assures Brandi he does not mind, then Joyce tells us that maybe Brandi would have her own “Baby” if she acted differently. Joyce is a raging bitch with stinky hair.

Kyle continues to make a fool out herself and I am laughing out loud at her. The Canadian Tenors perform and they are amazing. They sing The Prayer, which is one of my favorites. Truly just lovely.  I loved it and wish we could have seen the whole song. We get a little bit more, but it ends too soon. I will get their latest album, which I think was the point of having them there. Bravo.  All in all it was a successful party so I’m happy for Yolanda.

The show ends with Joyce and her baby in the car talking about what a lonely drunk Brandi is. Joyce has spoken about nothing but Brandi since she got on this show and she is toxic. She is clearly aware her husband wants to bang Brandi and she can’t take it.  Next week it will get ugly. Time for Bravo to see that love her or hate her, Brandi makes this show, Joyce is a stupid bitch who brings nothing, and simply cannot keep it real.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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