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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Circus Recap

by Ilana Angel

November 25, 2013 | 11:14 pm

We start this week with Brandi and Carlton lingerie shopping. Brandi is immediately drawn to heart shaped handcuffs and Carlton admits she loves everything about Brandi. They have sexual innuendos about making out with women, and perhaps each other, and it is funny I guess. They are cute together, if I had their bodies I would walk around naked, forget about the lingerie. Carlton lets Brandi know she needs to write down what she wants and bury it with crystals in order for it to come to her. Okay.

It is an entertaining moment and while the location may have been scripted, they are not, which makes these two so great. Cut to Kim, she is at circus school. Lame. Like Kim had this thought on her own. Didn’t happen. She says she thought it would be a fun place to take the friends. They are not her friends, and Bravo picked this out for her. Should be interesting. Kim wants it to be a fun day with no drama. Maybe she should have invited a different group of women. Something bad is going to happen at the circus.

Kyle and Mauricio are out for dinner with Joyce and her husband Michael. Mauricio is unable to hide how into Joyce he is. It is very entertaining. Kyle’s hair looks greasy next to Joyce’s. Kyle is sitting too close to Mauricio, Joyce is making sex jokes, Kyle is picking her teeth with her tongue, and interrupts dinner to point out that Paris Hilton is on TV and they are breaking gossip not news, so she can make it about her. She is defending her husband just a little too much. I think he cheated and I feel bad for her.

Kyle seems to a bit delusional in terms of how famous she is now, and how famous she was as a child. Hilarious. She is the least appealing housewife, of any city. Enough of her, we are off to Malibu and Yolanda. Her closet is divine. For a woman who appears to wear the same thing every week she has an insane amount of clothes and shoes. She is with her daughters, talking about herself in comparison to her kids, and I am bored. She talks of her daughter leaving for college and her crying, which makes me cry.

Over to Lisa, she is doing her bickering thing with Ken, and he gives her a new puppy. I’m not a dog person, and not interested in Lisa’s talking of “butt sex”, so I am skipping over the whole thing. Cute dog though. Time for circus school. Ugh. This is going to be painful. Bad enough we had to watch Kenya from Atlanta in circus school yesterday, now we have to have the whole Beverly Hills group do it. Kim and Yolanda hate each other and Brandi is pissed off at Kyle. Kim is worried her special day will be ruined with fighting.

Brandi says the paparazzi told her that Kyle said Brandi was a bully. Yolanda wants to talk about it, Brandi wants to clear it up, and Kim shuts it all down. The other ladies arrive and it is ridiculous that this group is doing this activity. Kim tells everyone about her great idea and I am laughing. Kim starts by saying she wants all issues left at the door. Really? I thought she didn’t want any drama, yet starts the thing off with drama. These chicks are too old for circus school, I am bored, and it is beyond fake. Dear Lord.

Important to note that it is a very sad day when Vanderpump Rules is more interesting than the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Hilarious.  Kim tells Yolanda she is being rude and the whole thing implodes. Kim is silly, Yolanda is a different caliber of woman, Brandi is not taking anyone’s shit, and Kyle is dying to do the splits. Again. We now have to listen to an infomercial for circus school. For the love of God, what has happened to this show? Now comes the jabs at Brandi, which come from total jealousy. Bitches.

The Richards sisters are both wearing the wrong shade of lipstick. Brandi fills Lisa in on Kyle and the paparazzi. Yolanda chimes in, Carlton listens, and Brandi is over Kyle. Kyle tells Brandi she never said anything and Brandi should take it up with the paparazzi not her. Okay Kyle. What a moron Kyle is. Seriously, this chick is evil. Know it. Yolanda bails out to see her daughter off to prom, while the other women are going to have dinner together. Yolanda takes the high road with Kim, but Kim does not appreciate it.

Dinner is happening and people are on edge. They are by a pool, not all sitting close enough to have a real conversation, and it is another commercial for the venue, which I don’t even remember, so it didn’t work too well. Kyle immediately talks smack and picks her teeth with her tongue. Carlton and Joyce are not clear on why Kim was upset with Yolanda, but are trying to not stir trouble as they don’t know. Brandi shuts it down and says they should talk about Yolanda when she is there. Kyle is a vindictive and evil witch.

Kyle denies all wrongdoing, Brandi agrees to move on, and Kyle cannot let it go and keeps talking about it. Lisa chimes in and Kyle is talking but I cannot pay attention because I am obsessed with her 1980’s Dynasty jacket. Holy crap. Lisa wants Kyle to tweet something, Kyle refuses, Brandi thinks she should, Kyle is still picking her teeth. These women are immature and ridiculous. Lisa talks, Kyle shuts her up, Lisa bows out, and Joyce jumps in to take Lisa off to the side for a private conversation, in front of the camera.

Joyce tells Lisa she was rude to her, Lisa thinks it is insanity and does not understand why Joyce has her panties in a bunch, and I want to scratch my own eyes out. This is truly childish. Everyone is talking garbage and I can’t take it. Joyce says she is a bitch on her period, and Brandi asks if she has her period then. Best line ever. Brandi calls out Joyce for turning on her and we see what these women are unable to see. NONE OF THEM ARE REAL FRIENDS. Beverly Hills is not even trying to keep it real.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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