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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills - All About Kyle

by Ilana Angel

March 11, 2013 | 7:40 pm

This week we are finishing up the trip to Paris.  They are going on a sunset cruise along the Seine and it is magnificent.  Except for Kyle being there, it is magnificent.  Everyone seems to be having a nice time, Kim is once again lucid and it is all rather boring.  Yolanda gives Brandi a gift and it is lovely. She gave her some fabulous shoes, but says it was because she was lonely and without a man.  Kim is manless too, so why not shoes for her?  It seems odd to give only one person a gift but whatever, she is a foreigner.

Paris ends with Brandi and Kim being friends, Lisa agreeing to renew her wedding vows with Ken, Yolanda being adorable, Giggy being perfection, and Kyle and Mauricio being disgusting.  Everyone is back in Beverly Hills and Marisa is on a scripted visit with Kyle. Turns out she is a real estate agent. Did we know that?  She is there to have Mauricio co-list her in-law’s home for sale.  Kyle is telling her he will gladly “help” her, but you can see the dollar signs flashing before Kyle’s eyes.  Such a fame and money whore.

Kevin Lee is back to help Lisa with her housewarming/vow renewal.  He is great TV and it will be fun to have him around for a couple of weeks.  I love a good party so this should be fun.  By fun of course I mean Faye Resnick will not be invited.  I think Faye Resnick is wretched.  She is a hideous and whorish freak.  I take offense to he being on this show when so many have expressed their hatred of her.  Bravo sucks sometimes.  By sometimes of course I mean every time they put Faye on my television.  Epic fail.

Yolanda is doing a photo shoot with David for a magazine.  Blah, blah, blah. She is really into making him happy and doing what he wants and I actually like it.  In the case of Porsha in Atlanta, she is the same but only because he makes her, whereas Yolanda does is because she wants to.  I like her. Not sure I get her, but I like her.  She has massive balls but manages to control herself and not get ugly when faced with crap from the bitch brigade. Yolanda is a pretty girl and looks much better with her bangs down.

Mauricio is at the home Marisa’s in-laws.  We get a tour and it’s lovely, but who cares? This is not a real estate show, so why shove Mauricio and his stupid ass down our throats? Marias is a namedropper and a fame whore who wants to be on TV and get laid by someone other than her husband.  There is nothing interesting about Marisa or the sale of this house.  It grosses me out that Kyle will make even more money. She really does make me angry. God bless her for her success, but seriously, I am not a fan.

Vile is shopping for inventory for her store and I am done with her.  I am 23 minutes in and on my second drink.  Not bad really but when you take into account I still have to blog The Bachelor finale, this could get real rough, real fast.  Talking about rough, Taylor is off to have a drink with Dana.  It appears to be mid morning and Dana is hammered.  It is so funny.  I mean sad, but really I mean funny.  Her dress is dirty, she is wasted, and I feel bad for her.  Not bad enough to care about her, but still bad.

Dana is single because her man dumped her lying, drunk ass.  Taylor tells her she is not dating anyone, but she is, so clearly she feels the need to protect her life from Drunky McDrunkerson.   Dana spoke of how she self made but she seems to be suffering at the lost of his money.  She then talks about hating Brandi but she is so disgusting and pathetic I am too busy laughing at her to care about her.  She lights a cigarette out of a candle and refers to herself as part of the group, which means she is insane.

Kyle is opening her store and getting ready along with her four daughters and her offensive husband.  She is picking a dress and I am skipping over it. I find everything about Kyle to be for show only. She calls Kim but I’m not listening.  I am skipping over it while I pour myself another margarita.  She is at her store now and keeps talking about how it is her name on the door, but there is also another chicks name on the door.  Kyle is an idiot. Everyone arrives to her opening and I just can’t be happy for her.  Sorry.

Taylor talks to Yolanda and I love Yolanda as much as I cannot stand Taylor. Taylor must go.  Taylor is a moron and her explanation of not liking David is lame.  Taylor thinks she is being fabulous, but Yolanda insists she is being fake, but she takes the apology.  Interesting.  Who cares about these two? Anyone?  Anyone?  Camille stops by for no reason and Adrienne arrives with her sperm donor.  Adrienne tries to run her fingers through her own hair but it ain’t happening, which is hilarious. Adrienne is a troll.

Kyle does a series of fake poses for the ribbon cutting and I am laughing. Faye the whore kisses her so she can be in a few pictures, then Kyle takes Kim off for a scripted chat in the middle of her store opening.  Kim says she was wasted in Paris because she took the wrong pill and I am calling bullshit. Kim is lucid and speaks beautifully, but Kyle makes it all about her again and starts to cry.  I cannot stand Kyle Richards.  Kim is a liar and Kyle is mentally deficient so why are these two losers on this show at all?

The fake conversation between the Kim and Vile is going on and on for far too long.  Kim is talking about her struggles and Kyle makes it all about how hard it is for her to think something will happen to Kim all the time.  Kyle, Kyle, Kyle.  Blah, blah, blah.  All the housewives leave while Kim and Kyle chat about Kyle.  Bad editing.  Cut to a look at next week’s show and let me just say I am going to cut a bitch when it comes to Faye next week. I am going to go after Faye with the power of a blog.  Buckle up.

Faye is going to attack Brandi while Adrienne continues to castrate Paul, and I am going to have a field day.  I love me some Brandi Glanville and I am not going to let Faye’s crapfest go bye without commenting.  I think Adrienne Maloof is a plastic freak and so when she goes after Paul, who I am not a fan of either, I will let her have it too.  Why? Because I can.  It’s my blog and that is how I roll.  This show is getting good, but I am now a little tipsy and still have a blog to go tonight. Cheers to keeping it real.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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