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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills – A Requested Blog

by Ilana Angel

January 22, 2014 | 9:58 pm

I said a couple of weeks ago that I would no longer blog this show and I haven’t, but since so many wrote telling me I could not just stop, I want to honor their requests and am blogging it this week. No promises moving forward, but for those who asked, this one is for you. Important to note that I think it is boring and have already decided the best part of this season, as with all seasons, will be the reunion. I’m having a drink.

I am disappointed with myself that I caved and am blogging this crap, then I feel happy my readers are so invested in my blog and want to hear my view, so of course I will blog it because they have asked me to. After two minutes of watching Carlton audition dancers for her pool party however, I’m back to being disappointed in myself. These are not dancers as much as skanks willing to take their clothes off. Carlton is humiliating herself and her kids.

I’m all for shock value, but she is coming across as a freak not a bold woman who owns her sexuality. Why not have male and female skanks? I like a lot of things about Carlton but am finding it hard to find her interesting and not offensive.  Her nanny is weird, her friend is creepy, and I am pouring mroe wine. Cut to Brandi, she has a new dog and Lisa has come for a scripted visit. The show is more scripted than organic.

Brandi speaks of her Dad who is upset with her about her revealing Oscar dress last year. She is sad about her missing dog and seems to be overwhelmed by life. Lisa is not particularly supportive with her fake crying and telling Brandi to snap out of it because she doesn’t like to see her like that. Brandi is going to Sacramento and Lisa is jealous she is taking Yolanda and not her. We are watching a friendship unravel.

Cut to Brandi and Yolanda arriving in Sacramento. They are in the Presidential Suite and when they learn Schwarzenegger stayed there they jump of the bed which I thought was hilarious. Brandi is nervous about seeing her Dad but Yolanda is supportive in a way Lisa is not. Brandi calls her Dad and he is dismissive, passing the phone off to her Mom. Her Dad will come to the book signing but Brandi’s Mom warns her to behave.

Over to Joyce, she is at a gun range with her husband. They are gross. She is painfully thin and not interesting. She tries to be cute but it is an epic fail. She points the gun at the instructor and he realizes he is dealing with a moron, telling her to not worry about her hair. I cannot get into Joyce and think she should go. Her constant playing with her dirty hair is too much and her husband clearly likes the body of young boys if he’s into her.

Back in Sacramento, it is time for the book signing and Brandi looks uncomfortable. She is estranged from her Dad and leaning on Yolanda to help ease the tension. Her Mom told her if she crosses a line her Dad will leave and clearly Brandi is stressed out about it.  She has everyone wish her Dad a Happy Birthday, which is sweet. Brandi takes questions, is charming and funny, and I hope she does not piss her Dad off.

Jumping to Kyle, she is planning a Shabbat dinner. Really? I just can’t. She is annoying and talks about being obligated to have sex on Shabbat and I find it offensive. She converted, which is awesome, but lacks a basic respect for my faith. Back to Sacramento, Brandi makes it through the book signing without pissing her Dad off, but seems to have simply saved it for dinner. I like Brandi and think her Dad is handsome.

Back to Shabbat dinner I want to pull my hair out. Listening to Kyle talk about Shabbat is laughable and I find it unlikely they do Shabbat dinner every week, plus her outfit is ridiculous. The talk of her daughter’s Bat Mitzvah is silly, and there is nothing serious about how she speaks about Judaism. I get that she converted and she is now officially Jewish, but she is not at all Jew-ISH and I find her to be offensive.

Sacramento continues but is dragging on. Yolanda implies Brandi’s Dad is disappointed in her and said it in a way that was rude. Brandi’s family goes to her hotel room and it is sweet when her Dad asks how she is doing and gives her a kiss. They say they love each other and was really touching. It is a lovely moment and nice we got to see it after hearing so much of the stress of their relationship. Good for them.

Joyce has invited the girls to a self-defense class. Her constant hair playing is pissing me off. The entire scene in the gym is a waste of time and painfully boring. Really Bravo? This is what you give us? 15 minutes of a snooze fest? I’m leaving to empty the dishwasher and throw a load of laundry in. I won’t miss anything entertaining. Guaranteed. The class ends and Lisa, Brandi and Kyle go out to have a scripted meal.

Kyle gives Brandi a card and Lisa is jealous. At the restaurant Lisa needs to leave because she is very busy and Kyle makes fun of her and jokes Lisa is the only busy one. I actually like Kyle in this scene and enjoy watching Kyle and Lisa fight for Queen Bee position. It is the only time I like watching Kyle actually. The one thing RHOBH does is get me excited about RHONY. Those Big Apple bitches know hoe to keep it real.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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