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Jewish Journal

Real Housewives of Atlanta Vineyard Drama

by Ilana Angel

January 22, 2014 | 6:58 pm

We start off this week with Cynthia and Peter who are celebrating their third wedding anniversary. Wow. Time sure goes by fast. He has taken her to Bar One. Really? He has friends meeting them. Really? They are joined by Christopher and Natalie. He is a singer I have never heard of, and she is his wife. I don’t get why they are there and I’m not into another new couple. If they are going to bring in new people, they need to also get rid of the old people.

They have been together for eighteen years and are going to share their marital success. For the love of God. Does Atlanta have nothing to give us but this garbage? Cynthia says she needs to service her husband more sexually. Ugh. Christopher knows Kenya and thinks she is fabulous. Natalie knows Todd and says he is an opportunist. The scripted drama is lame and we are not buying it.

Peter says he needs to show them something across the street and Cynthia is annoyed, but goes. Surprise. Peter has a private dinner set up and Christopher sings a song that he wrote and I am getting itchy it is so awkward. Christopher can sing, Cynthia looks touched, Peter is a romantic. A pig, but still romantic. This is simply not good television. Atlanta is not happening.

Cut to Kandi, she is working on her musical and her team is talking about how they are not really feeling it. Here’s the thing, I’m not feeling this musical at all and Kandi showing all the planning of this makes her look like she does not know what she is doing. She is complaining about Todd to her staff, and the camera, and I will be surprised if these two ever get married. They don't seem to even like each other.

Kandi says she will get to the same level of Tyler Perry if she is willing to take risks. Um, no. Listening to Kandi’s paid employers whine is too much and I am bored. Over to Nene, she is visiting Porsha at her new ridiculous house. I can’t. It makes no sense to me that she lives here alone. Nene is bagging on Kenya and it is funny. We all know there is no African prince for Kenya.

This show really is hit and miss which is confusing. It is brilliant at one moment, and complete stupidity the next. I wish it was a bit more even. Speaking of Kenya, she is having her family over for dinner. Her house is stupid too. Kenya says she was raised like sisters with her aunt Lisa, but then Lori arrives, who raised Kenya, and it seems odd to me.

Did Lori raise Lisa too? Why are they so surprised to see each other? Something is not kosher with Kenya, including her dinner, which looks sad. Her ripped paper towels are a nice touch. Kenya lets them all know she is going to have a baby. It would appear that our resident favorite nut job, Ms. Kenya, may in fact be mentally unwell. Bless her heart.

Kandi is looking at a venue for her play and Todd is along to give support. Right. The room is great, Kandi is complaining, Todd is coming back on board, and I cannot take any of it seriously while looking at Kandi’s red hair. It really is ugly. Todd gets a coupe of phone calls, which pisses Kandi off. It would appear that Kandi is more into Todd than Todd is into Kandi. Ouch. They are not communicating well.

The ladies just got back from Savannah, but are now going on a day trip to a wine vineyard.  The only way Bravo can get these people together is to throw in some booze. Marlo is joining them. Poor girl wanted to be a housewife so badly. This is embarrassing for her I’m sure. They head out in a bus and I wonder how there is room for all of them with Nene’s ego riding along. She's great TV but a little full of herself.

The whole group, in two buses, with some new people thrown in, are all going. Cynthia says that Natalie is coming and Kenya points out that Natalie and Christopher are not actually married. Cynthia says Natalie called Todd an opportunist and things are going to get ugly. Why? Because their lives are boring and Bravo is working overtime to find a reason to put them on a bus together.

Phaedra says the vineyard reminds her of the Sound of Music. She is so dumb. Talk turns to Kandi’s getting married and she says she may go to the courthouse rather than a big wedding because of her mom. Natalie says she eloped to Vegas 18 years ago, and Kenya goes after her, questioning if Natalie and Christopher were really married.  Of course Kenya doesn’t want to get involved. Classic.

Natalie tells Kandi that she knows Todd and it is on. Kenya and Natalie are fighting and I am embarrassed for these women. Everyone is screaming, talking about stuff that should be kept quiet, and Cynthia, who started it all on the bus, says she does not want to be involved. Everyone stirs the pot and nobody takes ownership that they are they pushing buttons on purpose.

I love, love, love the Real Housewives of anywhere, but I hate it when my time and devotion to these shows is disrespected by Bravo and the writers of these shows. If they don’t like to be together, just get new girls instead of forcing them to be together, which makes them behave badly, which is boring after a while. I am watching, but really wish they would start keeping it real.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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