March 17, 2013 | 6:13 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
We are back in Atlanta and while these women are hit and miss in terms of being entertaining, I am killing my time with them until Orange County and New Jersey come back. New Jersey is the crown jewel in the housewives crown, so I’ll keep blogging the garbage until I hit gold. We start up with Porsha and her boss, who has found the pregnancy test in her bag.
She explains it was a gift from Kandi and opts to take the test with her bass instead. Important to note that when I say boss I am referring to Cordell, who in my opinion, is her daddy/boss/ sex boss, not her husband. He tells her to take the test and she thinks she needs to pee on the stick for two minutes. Bless her. How does she survive when she is so dumb?
Porsha is not pregnant and it is so sad. I feel for the girl because she wants it so bad. Cordell could care less and his indifference breaks her heart. Onto Kandi, she is cute but her clothes make no sense to me. Kandi talks a lot about money. How much she has, how much she spends, how frugal she is. Her finances are getting old. News flash Kandi, we don’t care.
NeNe is on a press tour for The New Normal and starts off at Live with Kelly and Michael. I love this chick and she makes this show watchable. NeNe Leakes is a superstar. She is great on live television and she was charming with Kelly and Michael. I’d much rather watch a show all about NeNe and that Kim has her own show is shocking. Kim is a hag.
Cynthia is with Peter, who is having a large event for the social elite of Atlanta. Translation, they are pulling people in off the street to fill the room. Walter is invited and Cynthia is supportive of him being invited. That is shitty. Like Kenya or not, she is a cast member and she should trump Walter. The party won’t change with him there, so don’t do it.
Porsha is going to tell her boss that the girls think he is controlling. Here we go. Cordell says Porsha simply respects him and he is not controlling as much as she is happy to do anything he wants. Cordell says he is control but not controlling. Porsha is just bitter about having a baby and she is looking for a fight because the ladies have started a fire under her ass.
Porsha says she can manage the house, her boss, and a baby. He tells her she needs to pick a baby or a career because she cannot have both. She is crying and says she will manage with the help of a nanny and he tells her no. She can’t have a nanny because she needs to do it alone. He then says he is working to the white meat. What exactly does that mean?
The white meat is the meat you hit first when you cut a chicken and all the meat in a pig, so why is it so hard to get to the white meat? If anyone can explain this, please do. Sidebar: Does anyone else think the audio of Kandi singing on the opening sounds like someone is hurting her? The party is on, Walter arrives, and all hell is going to break loose when crazy arrives.
Kandi is wearing a dress from the Dynasty collection while Porsha looks gorgeous. Kenya arrives looking divine with a gorgeous man. She says they are just friends, but he wants more. Translation: she paid him to come with her. Phaedra arrives in a dress that does not work. She needs to get a boob job and stop torturing her little grapes by trying to make them oranges.
Phaedra is all over Walter and it is disgusting. Phaedra is a bitch. For real. Kenya is having a costume ball to celebrate black women in film, and has the balls to tell the women who they should come as. Cynthia is Dianna Ross, Kandi is Tina Turner, and Porsha is Halle Berry. Dear Lord. Kenya is a loon. Kenya bails early and the moment she leaves Walter comes over.
Walter is talking to the men and Peter is a pig. Walter says he never had sex with Kenya and I’m not buying it. Walter trashes Kenya and the men just listen and enjoy. It’s gross. Kenya apologizes to Phaedra and you’ve got to respect her for being a grown up. Phaedra accepts the apology but she gives it no real weight. Kenya invits little boobs to her party.
Phaedra is invited to the party as Eartha Kitt. Before we know it Kenya is gone and there were no fireworks. Very anticlimactic. NeNe continues on her press tour hitting The Today Show and Wendy Williams. Cut to Kenya and Cynthia who are shopping for clothe for her party. She won’t tell us who she will be but says it matches personality. One of her personalities.
The shopping trip is a scripted scene to talk about Walter and I am bored. Cynthia is a complete loser by telling Kenya that Walter said they never had sex. It is rude but Kenya handles it beautifully. Kenya says he was never into sex, never saw him get an erection, and she is too fine to beg someone to touch her. She questions his sexuality and he doesn’t deny being gay.
Kenya outs Walter as gay, then tells Cynthia to set her up with someone. I wouldn’t set her up, but whatever. Kandi is having a housewarming to unveil her new house. She lives in the main house, but is having the party in her guesthouse. Weird. Cynthia arrives to the house, but it is the wrong house. She wants people over, but not in the real house? Again, weird.
Kandi’s house is massive and quite beautiful but I’d be scared to be in such a big house. Who needs all that? The party is on and there is Walter again. Really? They are now inviting him to everything just to make it interesting. Kandi plays dumb like she didn’t even know Todd invited him. Dear Lord. This show is pathetic. Walter comes to the party with a tranny.
The poor girl is there with a man who is ignoring her. He brought her to piss off Kenya and I don’t think Kenya cares. I hope tranny got paid to be there. Kenya arrives and we get another shot at fireworks. We are at minute 57 so it will be yet another disappointment. They are dragging out the only shot at being entertaining and I am checked out. Shame on Bravo.
Phaedra is waiting for shit to hit the fan and I am totally on Kenya’s side. That they don’t have her back is ridiculous and she should call out these bitches for being immature. Kenya does not have her security with her, so with Walter stalking her, she is leaving. This was a waste of my time. Next week looks like it has potential so we’ll see if they keep it real.
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