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Real Housewives of Atlanta RECAP

by Ilana Angel

December 19, 2011 | 11:56 am

We start this week with Sheree and Phaedra.  Sheree is unhappy with Phaedra’s legal moves and is not very good at hiding her inner witch.  Phaedra is classy, does not get upset, and returns Sheree’s retainer and wishes her well.  Phaedra is a lady and Sheree is an immature baby.

Phaedra is annoyed she never got her retainer until the last minute, but I recall Phaedra telling Sheree she would not charge her.  Sheree is complaining it’s not worth all the trouble for $100.00.  Really?  I bet her kids would like an extra hundred bucks every month. Selfish.

Over at Kim’s she is getting ready to move and she is super annoying.  I really dig Kroy, but Kim is too much.  I don’t think she is particularly entertaining, but there is something compelling.  Her new show will unravel her life and it is too bad she is selling her soul to the reality devil.

Cynthia is hosting an art event and it’s hilarious to see exactly how uneducated these women are.  Sheree says she loves abstract art.  The first art word she could find in the dictionary.  Over with NeNe, she is not a fan of art but thinks 24K is not a bad price.

I love NeNe and think she is the best part of this show, but girlfriend needs to put on a bra.  Cynthia thinks having Marlo, the transvestite hooker, at her event is a seal of approval from Atlanta’s high society.  Cynthia seriously needs to just stop talking. Darling Cynthia, shhhhhhhhh.

Sidebar:  What exactly is the word “AXSTD”?  I am so sick of hearing these women mispronounce the work “ ASKED”.  Can someone please clarify if that is a Southern thing, or simply a moron thing?  Whatever it is, it needs to stop because it makes you sound ridiculous when you say it.

Cynthia and Peter are getting their pictures taken for a “power couple” photo shoot.  Really?  Is she kidding?  Power couple?  Cynthia is getting her makeup done and Peter says he is ready to go.  Cynthia shows Peter the invitation to her agency opening and he immediately bags on it.

He is simply not nice to her.  He is mean and jealous and condescending. She responds to him like a child.  They are irritating to watch.  He is unpleasant and she is too stupid for me to follow with any great interest.  She is begging him for help and he wants nothing to do with her.

Kim is moving and each minute we see this woman is a reminder we should not watch her new show.  Her voice grates on me the same way Sammi from the Jersey Shore irritates me when she calls for Ron. The trip through memory lane of Kim’s townhouse is a waste of time.

Over at NeNe’s, her son Bryson is with her.  He has cut his hair and now looks like a lovely young man. He is a big kid and while he has been a little bit of trouble for NeNe, he seems better now and I like that she has stuck by him through his troubles.  They are funny together.

NeNe is talking to him about sex and good for her.  They are open with each other and it’s sweet.  I hope he finds his way and gets on a career path.  NeNe is good television and it seems like she is not on the show much these days.  That is a shame, and mistake in my opinion.

Kim and the family arrive at their new house and get a tour.  It’s very big and very beautiful.  The main decorating theme is Kim.  There are pictures of her all around the house and it’s a little creepy.  I like how Kim calls everyone Love, but it’s not enough to watch her show.

To clarify, when I say I am not watching her new show, I am totally going to watch her show.  I will watch, and blog, and it will be good.  That said, it will be work, not fun.  I watch a lot of reality television for fun and very little for work.  This one is going to be painful, therefore work not fun.

We see a scene where Kim needs to pump her breasts.  She is on the freeway pumping, while her daughter steers the wheel from the passenger side of the car.  Really?  This is a disgusting display of bad parenting and she could have killed her kids with such recklessness.

Kim is not the first woman to have a baby and her whining and bad choices are out of control.  She is on the fast track to becoming Bethenny, who got her own show and became so unappealing we lost interest.  I can handle Kim in small doses, but not another Bethenny.

Kandi is talking to Jo Dee Messina and it’s awkward.  Kandi is talented but her whoring herself out to make a dollar is just sad.  Vibrators, country music, a clothing store?  Instead of rushing to create an empire, pick a lane and stay in it.  She is all over the place, and a mess.

Cynthia is getting ready for her opening and says she is under pressure because people don’t look at models as being good “business peeper”.  This woman is insanely beautiful.  That’s it.  That’s not all I have to say, just all she is.  Bless her.  Her sister comes over and she is crying again.

If the opening of her business was so important, why was she not there on time?  She should have been there first, welcoming people.  Instead she is whining nobody is there, but even she is not there.  Someone needs to help this girl out and it’s not Peter.  She needs to dump him.

Cynthia finally arrives and is relieved to see people have turned up. Peter is a dick, Kandi is a troublemaker, and Sheree wants us to think there is yet another air conditioning problem in Atlanta, when really it may just be her menopause kicking in, as she’s the only one sweating.

Kim arrives to the party and is immediately accosted by Marlo.  Kim tells us Marlo sleeps with men for money, and is disgusted by the thought.  Too funny.  Pot, meet kettle.  NeNe arrives, looks fabulous, and it’s the first time Kim and NeNe have been in the same place for a very long time.

They are ignoring each other, which is fine because we are focused on Marlo and Kandi.  Marlo is trying to get as much screen time as he is able, and Kandi is calling him out on his crap.  Kandi is a troublemaker.  For someone trying to make America love her, she is not very nice.

Marlo is accusing Kandi of being a Sugar Momma, and saying she has no Big Poppa, which is putting Kim over the edge.  Kim has had it and leaves.  She acts like she is too good for the show that made her, and has moved beyond the women.  She is just like Bethenny and it’s gross.

Kandi is not letting it go and Marlo admits she dates wealthy men and they give her things.  It’s exhausting to watch these women.  None of them are really friends and they are not good enough actresses to make us believe they are.  The night ends with the complete humiliation of Cynthia.

She gets up to speak and thank people.  Her speaking skills are horrible, but that’s not the humiliating part.  She calls up Peter to thank him and share her moment but he’s not there.  He bailed and left her alone.  He is a pig who is going to lose his super hot wife any moment.

I like these women.  Well I like some of them, and others scare the crap out of me.  Their fighting and fake friendships are exhausting and they need to get back to the fun.  I never thought I’d say this, but I’m excited for the return of the ladies of OC.  Time for them to not keep it real.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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