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Real Housewives of Atlanta - No NeNe, No Good

by Ilana Angel

February 12, 2013 | 8:06 am

The ladies of the south are back and I have missed them.  I love blogging about them because they are crazy.  There is not enough Nene for my tastes, but here we are so let the games begin.  We are starting off with Porsha dress shopping and I am pouring drink number one.  By drink number one of course I mean I am on my second drink.  God bless my liver.

Porsha is at home having had a bunch of dresses delivered.  She is with her sister and her mom.  Does anyone else think her mom looks like Beyonce’s mom?  Porsha is just so dumb.  Listening to her talk makes me laugh because it is as if she is struggling to pronounce the easiest of words. She reminds me so much of Melissa Gorga. They may actually share one brain.

It is a little creepy to me how concerned with her husband her mother and sister are.  I guess everyone sucks up to the cash cow.  Off to Phaedra, she is at Kandi’s for a visit.  Kandi offers her Kool Aid or iced tea, then makes it from powder.  Strange.  If you knew she was coming why wouldn’t it be ready and cooling in the fridge?  Kandi is odd and Phaedra is fake.

Kandi jumps right into the gossip and as much I like Phaedra, she is not a good enough actress to hide how mean she is deep down.  She can put on the southern charm, but we all know.  Kandi loves to gossip and it makes her unappealing.  Over with Kenya, she is having a biopsy on lumps found in her breast.  It is a scary thing and I feel for her.

That said, her green contact lenses are giving my vertigo and I cannot look at her as she speaks.  Her doctor is lovely but do we really need to watch the procedure? Does Bravo think they are doing a public service?  Dear Bravo, we are all drunk and so while it is important, we are skipping over the entire thing. Kenya is a crazy person.  Bless her.

Porsha is looking at a venue for a party and her sister and niece are there. The baby is losing it and Porsha does not know what to do.  Babies love her so she is confused.  The baby is in full blown melt down and it is perfection. Porsha is painful to watch.  We jump to Cynthia who is talking about how brilliant she is, then talks smack about Porsha to her staff.

Porsha comes to a meeting with Cynthia, who is upset she moved the meeting from her house to the office.  Porsha says her husband is out of town and she does not have people to her home, but Cynthia and her staff are being rude and bitchy.  Porsha’s cleaning lady calls and she takes the call while Cynthia gets even more pissed off.  Cynthia is as dumb as Porsha.

Porsha is talking with her husband and he is horrible.  I don’t know if he is trying to be funny, but he is condescending and rude.  Porsha is trying to talk to him but he is being bossy and it is not cute.  Porsha says everyone is guilty until proven guilty.  She is a dingbat and her husband is a pig.  We jump to Kandi trying to sell something new.  A gospel album.

Kandi tells us she has no time to be creative.  Really?  She needs to have time to be creative?  She tells us she has gained weight, but is not pregnant. She is in love and wants to focus on making money.  Back with Porsha and Cynthia, they are meeting again so Porsha can check her, but Cynthia has her own agenda.  Their friendship is fake and scripted.

Cynthia fires Porsha.  She feels she is not focused and so she does not need her help.  Porsha is surprised and I am bored.  I am half a bottle in at 38 minutes.  We get a quick minute of Nene but it is all a tease and we are not seeing her this week.  Such a drag.  She makes this show interesting and we hardly ever see her.  Getting a quick look makes it worse.

I don’t think Kandi is that great of a singer so spending so much time on her singing is boring.  She is turning to God and wants to sing about it.  I love gospel music and wish her well, but enough already. Do people buy her records? Is she a big deal and I just don’t know it?  She is staying prayed up and I like it, but would never listen to it other than here.

It is time for Porsha’s party and she is ready for her hubs turning 40.  She looks like the perfect Tranny Barbie.  The party looks empty and quite lame, but there is a step and repeat with all the sponsors and it shows that everything about Porsha is fake. This is about money, not her husband turning 40.  Kandi arrives and Porsha is too dumb to believe.

Cynthia and Peter arrive, out of respect, even though she just fired Porsha’s ass.  Porsha is “perterd” with Cynthia and I am dying.   Walter arrives, but Kenya is not invited.  Gross that she invited him.  He’s not a part of the group, she is, and there are rules.  This is breaking one as far as I am concerned.  Walter confirms they are broken up to Peter.

Cordell talks to Cynthia and Peter about keeping steady and not fighting with Porsha.  He is talking about the girls but looking at Peter.  Cordell is a pig and he has no respect for his wife other than as a trophy.  A really shiny and pretty, but hollow trophy.  Important to note that Kenya does not have cancer and can move ahead with being miserable and crazy.

These women are fun to watch because they are crazy and predictable.  We know they are going to act out and try to hurt each other because that is how they roll, but it turns out the main reason this show is watchable at all is because if NeNe.  With her essentially gone this week I was bored and she is not here next week I am out.  NeNe is what is keeping it real.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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