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Real Housewives of Atlanta Loco in Mexico

by Ilana Angel

March 24, 2014 | 7:57 am

*Tonight's typos are brought to you by Jose Cuervo.

We are still in Mexico and it is ridiculous. These trips last too long and asking us to watch 3 weeks of fake vacation for a couple minutes of good TV is too much. We start this week with Apollo talking to Kenya who is working really hard to get him in trouble. He is stupidand falls right where she wants him. They talk as Phaedra walks in.

Apollo should spend less time with Kenya and more time learning how to speak English. Before Phaedra can get all ATL on Kenya, the others walk in and the chat is over. Phaedra is pissed off and leaves for their room while everyone else tells Apollo he is an idiot to engage with Kenya when Phaedra has been clear it is not cool with her. 

Apollo feels like he is being treated like a child and doesn't believe he has been inappropriate. Everyone has an opinion but in the end he is married to Phaedra and bringing stress to an already fragile marriage. Apollo goes to check on Phaedra and she makes fun of his English. He talks to her like she is nothing and we watch a marriage end.

Phaedra is sitting outside because she has no key and Apollo leaves her and says he’ll send someone with a key. I think they’re showing this unflattering footage because Phaedra is going to divorce him due to his recent arrest and blame it on this tension to make people think she hds nothing to do with his illegal activity, which I think she knew about.

The next day Apollo tries to suck up to Phaedra but it is not happening. Kenya is with Ms. Lawrence, Peter and Cynthia. I understand Phaedra’s view but she’s handling it wrong. Kenya is looking to bang Apollo and get knocked up because the African Prince ain’t happening. Kenya lets us know she does not do married ex-cons. Whatever.

Phaedra is alienating her husband and Kenya is delusional about who exactly she has the option to sleep with. Cut to dinner, Apollo plans a surprise as Phaedra’s birthday is coming up. Everyone is waiting as Phaedra arrives complaining and Apollo is on the verge of giving up and taking Kenya down to the beach. It is uncomfortable to watch.

Apollo’s big surprise is a piñata. Even funnier is it is full of condoms. He’s putting a few in his pocket for later with Kenya. I'm not a fan of Phaedra on this show but to watch the public humiliation is difficult. Kandi gives a speech, then Apollo, whose speech is lame. No Happy Birthday, no I love you, just complete crap. Why are watching?

This is a PR stunt to get Phaedra off the hook for Apollo’s crimes. Cut to the next evening, the entre group is together and Kenya is going to try to reenact Nene’s pajama party so they can try it again. It was such a huge success she is going to do it again? Kenya is a troublemaker but I give her credit for at least trying to entertain us.

To be clear, she is the only one even remotely entertaining. It starts with Porsha saying older men are slow in bed. By older she means men over 40. Here we go. Nene goes off about people being ignorant and singles out Porsha for ragging on old men. Porsha is young so of course a man in his 40’s is an old man. Lighten up Grandma.

Peter agrees with Nene but she is annoyed he is talking during her time. Nene is also pissed Kandi assumed she went through menopause. Dear Lord. Nene, you’re old and fabulous. Own it. Nene then craps on Todd, and anyone else who tries to speak. They talk cheating and Ms. Lawrence says sex outside a relationship is not cheating.

He categorizes cheating as emotional not physical. Phaedra says cheat on her and she is out. Apollo says if you are going to cheat, just be sure to wear a condom. Apollo is mentally deficient. They are all yelling, talking crap, and I’m not listening. Kenya and Apollo have a weird energy and I would not be surprised if they have not already slept together.

The men go off with Ms. Lawrence and the women stay to wrap it all up. Kenya wants to talk about Marlo and Nene shuts that down. Kenya tells the camera Nene is full of crap but does not tell her to her face. There is no bravery in that. Over to the men, they are talking about Apollo and Kenya. Kenya wants to talk about it with the women also.

Phaedra tells Kenya she does not want her to talk to her husband without her there and says she and Apollo don’t want to be her friends. Kenya says she should speak for herself and not her husband. Apollo is all over Kenya and Phaedra thinks punishing him will keep him when all it does is drive him closer to her. These chicks are dumb.

Peter and Gregg are fighting. Gregg is mad at Peter for how he talked to Nene at Kenya’s event. Ugh. That was forever ago and Gregg remembers it wrong. Bad enough we have to watch the women screaming and fighting, but now the men do it just as much. The attacks are out of control. Why do they ant this as a legacy to their children?

The women join the men in the middle of the fight between Gregg and Peter. No good can come of mixing tequila with these people. We end with Nene calling Peter a bitch, which ensures more fighting next week. I laugh at Nene thinking she can be viewed as anything other than a reality star. Reality keeps Nene in the spotlight and that is keeping it real.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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