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Real Housewives of Atlanta is a Drag

by Ilana Angel

December 29, 2013 | 5:54 pm

Typos are generously sponsored by Merlot.

We are still in Savannah, which I must say is lame. We get that these chicks don’t like each other, but to force them to go on trips and have them interact on any real level, then make us watch for weeks on end, is rude. The fighting and backstabbing is fun to watch of course, but it is asking a lot of us. Bravo doesn’t seem to understand we are watching because we are addicted more than interested. Give us some good television for a change.

Sidebar: Mynique’s husband Charles has slept with a couple of the women. I could not take being friends with chicks who had slept with my husband. It’s weird to me. I’d rather have strangers be familiar with my man’s junk than the women I’m having lunch with. That Mynique would want to be on this show knowing her husband has been busy is not a wise choice. She seems like a nice woman but dumb as dirt that doing this show is an option for her.

The women are going to spend the night at the haunted house and cook dinner together. No good can come of that. Kenya around knives is not something I’m interested in. Mind you, she has a gun in her purse so whatever. Nene Leakes is funny and she is still the star of the show for me. She is funny with the girls and also funny in her one-on-one interviews. The chick is good TV. Porsha however needs to go. She is insanely boring.

At breakfast we learn that Porsha has a tattoo above her lady business. Didn’t need to know.  They get to talking about kids and Cynthia tells the group about her daughter Noelle’s boyfriend. She says she is dealing with it engaged with her daughter and Nene says she does not agree and Cynthia needs to be a mom not a friend. Nene thinks 13 is too young to date. Kandi points out Nene has sons and does not know what it means to raise a girl.

Nene says that girls are more sexually forward than boys and Cynthia thinks Nene is talking about her daughter specifically, but Nene was talking in general. Cynthia starts to cry and leaves the room. Really? Nene was not harsh, but clearly blames her grandchild’s momma for getting pregnant, not her son. Dear Lord. Our Nene has crossed a line and Cynthia is now bawling her eyes out. Porsha and Kenya go after her to give support.

Important to note that the only reason Cynthia is crying is because Noelle is her storyline and Nene is trying to take it away from her. Oy vey. Kenya speaks of her mother again and cries with Cynthia. For the love of God. These chicks have nothing to talk about. Nene asks the other girls if she was wrong, and Kandi tells her she was judgmental. Nene defends herself, Kandi shuts her down, and the fake drama and storyline continues.

Porsha is talking about her being a mom to Cordell’s son. Shut up. Cynthia is now fake crying saying she is always thinking about Noelle. I’m bored. Cynthia can raise her daughter anyway she wants, but if she does not want everyone to have an opinion she needs to stop talking about it. It is ridiculous for her to think she can talk about her parenting with this group of opinionated women and not get some feedback she might not like.

Cynthia calls her daughter, on speakerphone, and I’m grossed out.  Kenya and Porsha bond over wanting to be mothers and it is making me laugh although I don’t think that was the intention of the scene. The fake crying to get camera time is hilarious. Kenya piggybacking on the mommy storyline to make it about her is fabulous. Porsha is trying to be deep and powerful but it is not happening for me. Bring on the ghosts already we’re dozing off.

Nene goes to talk to Cynthia and makes it funny to ease the tension. I like Nene but for her to argue that raising boys and girls is the same is just plain stupid. It is not the same. Cut to Kandi and Phaedra, they are cooking and Kandi says she is working on a musical. Her hair is embarrassing. Back to Nene, she is now visiting with Porsha who is crying with her back to the camera so we can’t see that there are no tears. Dear Lord make it end.

She tells us she stalks Cordell’s Instagram to see her stepson and that is sad. I feel bad for Prosha and how her marriage ended, but she is not good TV. Nene tells Porsha that if she is overwhelmed she should pause her divorce and take a minute to regroup. Really? Cordell is not going to have it, certainly not going to talk about it, and this advice is dumb. They are not getting back together. Cordell has moved on, probably with a lovely man.

Dinner gets blown off and the girls get dressed up to go out so they can see a drag show. I love a good drag show so this should be fun.  Nene looks great with her hair off her face. She is pushing for Phaedra and Kenya to make peace. Kenya says that she does not need to troll around a prison yard looking for a man. Best. Line. Ever. Kenya has had her dog brought in because the puppy doesn’t feel good and she wants her close. Ugh.

Kenya and Phaedra end up together. Phaedra shows concern for the dog, Kenya apologizes without saying sorry, and Phaedra assures her she is over all their drama. Kenya says she does not know Phaedra well as Phaedra pulls out a boob and starts pumping. Kenya is trying, Phaedra could care less, this is a complete waste of time, and Bravo should be ashamed of themselves for thinking we are buying this crap fest. We are not interested.

It’s drag show time and the ladies are in the front row to see the ladies. Kenya implies Nene is a dude and it was funny. The show is over before it begins and we saw nothing,. Such a drag. Literally. They could have showed us some of the show no? All the hype for a drag show and we got nothing. It is now time for dinner, everyone is sloshed, but miraculously dinner got made. I’m guessing whoever edits this show drinks along with the ladies.

Nene asks Porsha is she called Cordell and she says that she texted him. She told him she wanted to talk, he says okay but what about, she does not know how to respond. Kandi takes the phone and texts back “us”. Porsha is mortified and nervous about what he will think and say. The women are telling Porsha she needs to grow up and stop acting like a child. They are apparently eating at 1 am. This is a whole lot of fake ass crap.

Kandi tells the group she is doing a musical and asks the ladies to be a part of it. Seriously? This group of “actresses” is going to be in her show? Ugh. A huge bug flies into the room and everyone freaks out. I can tell you if it was me I would have started crying and lost my mind. Kenya and Porsha go in for the kill and the roach will not die. Bless shim. I am completely grossed out and do not understand the need to show the dead bug. I’m so done.

The girls all thank each other for a great weekend. It is silly really. Porsha thanks the ladies for being kind and Nene calls her out for not returning calls or staying in touch with the women. Nene is an interesting drunk. Porsha blams her divorce for not being a good freind. She blames her divorce for everything. Savannah ends with laughter which is nice. Next week looks good and that Atlanta might actually start keeping it real.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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