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Jewish Journal

Real Housewives of Atlanta Get Real

by Ilana Angel

January 5, 2014 | 6:06 pm

Typos are brought to you by Pinto Noir.

The ladies are back from Savannah and we start with Kenya putting on her gossip panties. She is at lunch with Ms. Lawrence, telling him about the trip and drama around Mynique and her husband Chuck having slept with Phaedra and Kandi. I’m not sure he slept with them, and think he may have slept one other, but whatever. Miss. Lawrence is pretty, Kenya looks good, I think we may be in for some realness.

Over with Nene, she is meeting Phaedra and Chuck for a drink. Nene thinks Chuck wants to talk about Savannah and all the stories being told, but what he really wants is to have them do some charity work in Athens, Georgia, where they are from. Nene is clearly annoyed to have her fame lumped in with Phaedra when she is more famous and fabulous, but they both agree to go visit the Boys and Girls club of Athens. Something’s coming.

Jumping to Cynthia, she is with her sister Malorie who is in Atlanta visiting. Mal tells her she is going to be staying in Atlanta for a while. The last time they were together there was a lot fighting because of Peter. Peter is a loser in my opinion, but he’ll prove my point soon.  It is determined Malorie will stay with them for 2 months but we don’t see her ask. It is clearly scripted but all hell is going to break loose when Peter hears.

Cynthia shares that Peter is stressed out by all the things going on in their lives and angry they are not having sex. Cynthia says it is because she is tired, Malorie calls her out on it and says there is more to her lack of interest besides fatigue. This is really dumb. Cynthia’s marriage is crap and rather than address it, she is going to drag her sister into it and make it all very complicated. Interesting choices, none of which are smart.

Porsha is shopping for dog clothes with her mom. Dear Lord. This woman has nothing to talk about but her dogs. She is the Kim Richards of Atlanta and needs to go. For real. Porsha tells her mom she is moving out of her house. B.O.R.I.N.G.  We are now with Kandi who is visiting with Momma Joyce as she gets her hair done by Derek J. Kandi is the one who needs her hair done. That red hair is not cute. Kandi is pushing her musical. Ugh.

Derek gets a fake phone call and leaves Kandi and Joyce alone. Joyce is a miserable woman who is now saying her health is affected by all the stress with Kandi and she needs to let it go. Translation: She told Kandi to pick her over Carmen and Todd and when she didn’t, she realized she might be kicked off the gravy train. She is sucking up so she does not stop getting supported by her daughter. The script is painfully transparent.

Time for the trip to Athens for Phaedra, Nene, and Chuck. They are all driving down together and reminiscing in the car about their childhood.  Phaedra’s shoe selection to visit with a bunch of kids is beyond ridiculous. We quickly jump to Porsha who is showing us her new home. Really? Why the hell does she need a house like that and how is she paying for it when she spends her support money on shoes? Something stinks with this house.

Malorie is getting a tour of Cynthia’s new office space. Peter sees Malorie for the first time in a year and they slap hands rather than hug or kiss. Cynthia unceremoniously tells Peter her sister is staying with them for two months and Peter is pissed off. He is annoyed and angry, then Malorie jumps in and fuels the fire. Peter is an asshole, Malorie is there to help end the marriage, and Cynthia looks like a complete moron for handling it this way.

Porsha tells her family that she has been in contact with Cordell. Porsha says Cordell told her he did not want the divorce. I call bullshit. She has been telling the world he is gay and we are supposed to think he wants her back? Nope. Her family is pissed off she contacted him and the whole thing is stupid. Porsha’s marriage was a farce and now so is her divorce. I’m thinking Cordell is chomping at the bedazzled bit to cut her loose.

Sidebar: The ridiculous shoes that Phaedra was wearing at the Dairy Queen when they drove into Athens, are not the shoes she was wearing at the Boys and Girls club. Really? She brought spare shoes? I don’t know why I think this is so funny and stupid, but it is really funny and stupid. Chuck introduces Phaedra as one of the top attorney’s in America and Nene as one of the top actresses in America. Chuck is not the bright. Bless him.

They are driving back to Atlanta and Chuck brings up the gossiping in Savannah. Chuck wonders why Phaedra told his wife she was his girlfriend when she wasn’t. Chuck says they slept together but never dated, and Phaedra insists they had a relationship. Chuck says Phaedra was just another girl he slept with, along with Kandi. Chuck is a pig who is trying to shut down his wife’s questions by painting Kandi and Phaedra as whores.

Jump to Cynthia and Peter, they are uncomfortable to watch. Peter does not want her sister there and says they cannot fight with people in the house. I don’t like watching this ugliness unfold. They don’t like each other and this marriage is well on the way to being over. Another reality union is biting the dust which is sad, but to be expected. It’s just a matter of time. Next week looks good so while moving slow, Atlanta is trying to keep it real.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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