December 17, 2012 | 6:15 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
We are still in Anguilla with the ladies and their men and my oh my crazy is a coming! I think Kenya is very odd. By odd of course I mean I think she is danger to herself and to others. That said, this chick has made it fun to blog about the housewives again because she is a certifiable loon.
This week starts out with Kenya asking Phaedra which of her friends she would let her husband sleep as a gift. Oh. My. God. Phaedra’s head is actually lifting up off of her body and it is hilarious. The southern belle is about to lose her mind and it is classic. Ms. Phaedra is not having it.
Phaedra is the only one who seems offended. Cynthia wants it to blow up, tries to suck Porsha into the drama, but Phaedra keeps it classy. Kenya apologizes to Phaedra, Phaedra suggests Kenya put ice in her panties, and NeNe questions the authenticity of Kenya’s relationship.
Everyone has regrouped for dinner and Porsha tells Cynthia that Kenya was grinding up on Peter when they were dancing. Cynthia blows it off and Porsha is starting to share her opinions. About everything. I’ve said it before and I will ay it again, Porsha is the black Melissa Gorga.
Peter tells the men he is going to surprise Cynthia with a vow renewal, and has all of them secretly tell their women so Cynthia will be surprised. I’m happy for him. He’s been raked through the coals by a lot of people, myself included, so good for him for making it work.
The talk goes to sex and how it is a requirement on a romantic island get away. Everyone is talking about the “third shift” and I have no idea what they are talking about. If anyone can share what that is, please do. Walter and Kenya go off on their own, and everyone talks about them.
Kenya thinks Walter is taking her off to propose and I have to wonder what exactly is wrong with her. She is crazy. Not normal girl in love crazy, but boil a bunny and cut herself crazy. It’s good television to be sure, but there is something quite scary about this woman.
Walter tells Kenya about the surprise ceremony for Peter and Cynthia and it is perfect. She is disappointed and unable to hide her desperation. More than disappointed however, she is pissed off. Cut to the next morning and NeNe is with Kenya getting their hair done for the ceremony.
Nene is certain Walter is not into Kenya and she is not letting it go. Porsha turns up and Nene reminds them they don’t like each other. I love NeNe. Love her. Porsha tells NeNe she does not care about Kenya and she is letting it all go. Porsha is just waiting on Kenya to lose her mind.
The women are off to a spa. All the ladies strip down and jump up on massage tables, except for Nene who gets on completely dressed. Hilarious. She takes off her pants and bra and calls it out as BS. I want to hang out with Nene. By hang out of course I mean be her best friend.
They get to talking about weddings and Kenya has lost her mind. She says she and Walter may elope and have a reception in Atlanta. NeNe is not buying it and calls her out for having a fake relationship. NeNe is not afraid to say anything and Kenya is annoyed by it and defends herself.
Interesting that Kenya is not willing to take on NeNe. Ms. Kenya goes on and on about how great her relationship is and NeNe goes on and on about how its not a relationship. Sidebar: Kenya has the vocabulary of a drunken sailor and her dropping of the F bomb is really not that cute.
They are all at the “White Party” which is code for the secret vow renewal. Cynthia has no idea, Peter is on the beach crying, and I find myself getting caught up in the romance of it all. Cynthia is not even on the beach yet and I’m getting emotional. It is very sweet and I’m excited.
Cynthia is handed a bouquet and she asks why the others did not get flowers. Peter explains to Cynthia what is going on and it is wonderful. She is shocked, he is relieved, and everyone is pulled into the love. Phaedra calls Peter a black angel and I am dying. I love me some Phaedra.
Peter starts crying as he explains to Cynthia he wanted to give her the wedding she always wanted. She looks gorgeous and I am now full out crying. It’s just Peter and Cynthia, under a canopy, surrounded by the other four couples, and everyone is crying and happy.
Nene catches Cynthia’s bouquet and Greg loses his mind. NeNe lets us know they are not getting married. Yet. Kenya tells us she is happy for Cynthia, but sad she is not getting married. I wonder if they are going to have bunny for dinner. Kenya should not be around knives.
The couples release wish lanterns and it is spectacular looking. NeNe and Greg’s flies off, along with Porsha’s, Phaedra’s, and Cynthia’s. Kandi’s crashes and Kenya’s never even gets off of the ground. God works in mysterious ways. He is funny sometimes.
Cynthia telling the camera what the day meant to her is lovely and the music in the background made me cry again. Damn you Bravo. I am feeling all warm and fuzzy, then they ruin it with some home video of Kandi talking about getting laid in the hot tub. Bravo ruins everything.
It is now the next day and the women are together and talking about the vow renewal. Kandi is in bed so we have Porsha, Kenya, NeNe, Cynthia, and Phaedra. Porsha tells the group she has been pleasantly surprised by how lovely Kenya is being, seeing as they got off on the wrong foot.
NeNe, in classic drama stirring moves, asks Porsha what happened with them. Porsha explains her side of the story which is weird because who cares? Porsha is slamming Kenya, who is not having it. Kenya wants to let it go and not start drama, but Porsha is pushing.
In a split second they lose their minds and Kenya starts with the cussing. Porsha pulls the age card calling Kenya ancient and it is on. Porsha tells Kenya not to call her a bitch and Kenya starts screaming bitch, bitch, bitch. They are being insanely mean to each other and it is shocking.
By shocking of course I mean confusing, and by confusing of course I mean for a minute I thought Sheree was there. It was classic Sheree and I can’t help but wonder how great this scene would have been had Sheree been there defending the older set. Poor unemployed Sheree.
Porsha is the instigator and she is at fault if you ask me. She is threatening to sue Kenya and taunting her to hit her. I’m thinking I’m on Kenya’s side on this fight. The one-liners are hilarious and Kenya may be crazy, but she sure is funny. No good can come of this and that is exciting.
NeNe defuses the situation and ends the fight. Sort of. NeNe talks to Porsha, then heads back to Kenya. Kenya tells us she is magic and Porsha is jealous because he does not have any magic. She then tells us she is a good Christian. Dear Lord. She might want to skip the faith card.
Kenya is telling Nene and Phaedra that she is fabulous. She insists she is “Gone With The Wind Fabulous” which made me spit out my wine. She is still around after years in the business, which would be worth mentioning if any anyone knew who in the hell this woman was.
This week allowed us to share in the dreams of some, while watching the delusions of others from a front row seat. I understand the lure of fame and fortune, but I'm not sure it is worth another 15 minutes of fame to put yourslef out there like Kenya has. She needs help.
I am fascinated by these women and will say this show is better without Kim on it. I almost feel bad for Kenya because she is clearly not well, but she has really spiced up this show. I will be out of the country for the next two weeks but will catch up when I return so until then, keep it real!
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12.10.13 at 8:55 am | Carlton can stay, Joyce should go.
12.8.13 at 9:55 pm | Momma Joyce is all kinds of crazy.
12.7.13 at 8:49 am | What the hell is Bravo giving us?
12.7.13 at 7:29 am | I'm not going to lie, these women and the men. . .
12.3.13 at 10:31 am | Liar, liar, pants on fire.
12.2.13 at 7:09 pm | Second week in a row of boring television.
12.10.13 at 8:55 am | Carlton can stay, Joyce should go. (3609)
12.3.13 at 10:31 am | Liar, liar, pants on fire. (2248)
12.7.13 at 8:49 am | What the hell is Bravo giving us? (1584)