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Real Housewives of Atlanta Double Blog

by Ilana Angel

December 22, 2013 | 5:57 pm

*Tonight's typos are generously sponsored by Absolute Vodka.

I didn’t blog RHOA last week because I was busy. By busy of course I mean I was out of vodka and just couldn’t do it. I’m restocked so I will do a double blog now. We’ll do the top five honorable mentions of last week, then jump right into this week as we continue in Savannah.  Here we go!

Last Week

1. Momma Joyce goes to see Phaedra about a prenup for Kandi. Dear Lord. Phaedra has the most beautiful babies. She is out of line talking to Joyce about this on any level. It is a conflict of interest and Phaedra should have told Crazy Ass that she should go to another lawyer for advice.

2. In what universe would anyone give Kenya a gun permit? This whack job is packing heat and that is just wrong on every level. I cannot imagine this chick legally having a gun in her possession. This group of ladies should be afraid of this woman as her instability is off the chain.

3. Porsha may be mentally deficient. She truly is the dumbest of all housewives in any city. With Kim Richards in the mix take a minute to think about how strong a statement I have made. Ms. Stewart is an idiot. Bless her. She has got to go already. She brings nothing.

4. Kandi confronts her mom about Todd and Momma Joyce says she is through with Kandi. She then realizes what an idiot she is to say such a thing to her ATM and say she supports Kandi. Oh dear. Momma Joyce loves her kid, I get it, but at some point she can’t take this shit back.

5. These women have no sense of time or manners. There is not a proper lady in the bunch. They arrive up to 3 hours late for the trip to Savannah and I can’t take it. Who acts like this? The lack of respect they have for each other and the disproportionate sense of importance is odd.

This Week

We pick up with the screaming we left with last week. Kenya will not stop talking, Nene can't believe her trip is being hijacked, and Kandi is going off on Kenya. She should take that same attitude with her mom. The screaming is crazy and I wonder what the bus driver thinks.

The bus finally leaves and Kenya takes credit for it all getting on the road. Lord. Phaedra is leaving her baby for the first time. I would never leave my baby for 3 days while I was breast-feeding. I also wouldn’t leave my 13 year old daughter, who has a boyfriend, for three days.

Phaedra is pumping breast milk, while Mynique shares that she has had sex every other day with her husband for 13 years, who it turns out is an ex of Kandi’s from 20 years ago. Porsha says that if you only sleep with your husband once a week and he cheats, it is partly your fault.

She then says she thinks all women should be submissive to their man. It is official, Ms. Stewart is a moron. Bless her. Everyone is talking about how they make marriage work and Porsha starts crying. I’m done. Porsha brings nothing to this show. Bravo needs to cut this one loose.

The ladies are staying in a haunted house. I would drag my ass to the Motel 6 before I stayed in this house. We spend 10 minutes watching them pick their bedrooms. Really? Kandi takes the master and everyone is pissed, trying to convince Nene she needs to claim it for herself.

Nene is upset about the bedrooms but unwilling to make a fuss. She is practicing self-restraint, which is lovely, but enough already. She needs to go get her room right this instant and Kandi needs to step off. Kenya is pushing Nene to speak up and no good will come of this.

Nene speaks to the group and mentions she should have the master. Kandi does not get it. Kandi is a bitch. An ungrateful and selfish bitch. Seriously. Mynique comments on everyone being late and Phaedra is not having it. She has a baby and a mom first. Agreed, but 4 hours is crazy.

Kandi and Phaedra go for a walk while the others talk about them behind their backs. Mynique is up for discussion. Perhaps she will be Porsha’s replacement and they are checking her out. Kandi tells Phaedra about dating Mynique’s husband but Phaedra has spotted a Hearst and runs off.

Morning comes with no ghosts in the night and Mynique is asking Cynthia to do her make up. Who writes this? We find out that Mynique is bi-racial which is why she does not know the lingo. Really? This show is crawling on my last nerve. Could they stereotype themselves anymore?

They are heading out on a historical tour of Savannah. I can feel the heat and humidity through the TV. Savannah is gorgeous but I’m not one for the heat. They visit the first African American church in America and it is magnificent. To here of the Underground Railroad is amazing.

Porsha, who has a family connection to the Civil Rights Movement, thinks that an actual train went through to help people escape to freedom. Really? This girl is just too stupid and for no other reason than her blatant disrespect of her history, she should be fired. Dumb is not cute.

Mynique brings up Kandi dated her husband and her husband has clearly not told her everything, They dated for real, not the two week fling he wants his wife to believe. Mynique says she is not bothered her husband was intimate with Kandi and Kandi shares he also dated Phaedra. It is on.

Kenya’s reaction to the juiciness of it all is perfection and we are reminded why she is on this show. This chick is good TV. They turn to Phaedra to speak of her time with Mynique’s husband. My, my, my.  Phaedra says they never slept together, not even in college. Then Kenya steps in.

Kenya says that Mynique’s husband denied ever having dated her.  Porsha pipes up and says that Mynique should be asking questions not them and she better get to asking. Mynique jumps on Porsha and says it is Porsha’s marriage that lacked communication not hers. The fight is on.

There is no way in hell Mynique is not regretting being on this show. She should have never done it. Porsha apologizes to Mystique and says she meant no disrespect. Mynique looks like she might cry and next week in Savannah these chicks will still be in Savannah keeping it real.

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