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Real Housewives of Atlanta – Crazy Takes a Road Trip

by Ilana Angel

December 10, 2012 | 7:55 am

Cray Cray Kenya

This week starts with Kim leaving the Real Housewives of Atlanta in the same way she came in, with a filthy mouth and lies.  This woman is trash and I am relieved she is gone.  It was scripted of course, and lame, but there it was.  Her husband was conveniently waiting for her outside and starts cussing like a sailor.  By a sailor of course I mean his wife.

Kim is out, Troy threatens a lawsuit, and she rides off on her broom.  Back at the table the other ladies talk about her and how they all lost money to go on the trip that Kim just bailed on.  Kim is a troll, a liar, and added nothing to but an element of southern whore.  That she is getting yet another show on her own is crazy, and I will not be watching it.

The women are all glad she is gone, Cynthia makes a jab at Kenya having no kids, and the topic turns to Kenya and her boyfriend.  Kandi says she knows Walter, but does not mention he asked her out.  Kenya has flashes of insanity in her eyes, and you just know this woman is going to implode.  NeNe is television perfection and the only reason to watch.

Over at Kandi’s she is talking to her mom and I am bored.  It’s the exact same conversation she just had with the ladies, so why did we need to hear it all again?  I’m over it.  Jump to Cynthia, and she is having dinner with Peter, Porsha and her husband.  Problem is her husband bails and it’s Peter and the girls.  Porsha reminds me so much of Melissa Gorga.

Peter has a man crush on Porsha’s hubby and it’s weird.  He is drooling over him and he is not even there.  Cynthia tells Porsha they are going to Anguilla and Kenya invited herself, which leads to Peter inviting Porsha, so that he can pretend he is best friends with the big football star.  Cynthia is thrilled because she knows it will put Kenya over the edge.

Everyone is arriving to the airport and it’s sad.  These women are fake and their travelling outfits are ridiculous.  Peter is obviously in love with Kordell and it would be cute if Peter weren’t so sleazy.  Kenya arrives and ignores Porsha.  Funny.  Kandi arrives alone and is then surprised by her boyfriend who said he could not go. NeNe and Phaedra also arrive.

Crazy is about to take a road trip and it’s going to be good.  These housewives trips are always entertaining because crazy is much more fun on the road.  They arrive on the island and get on a boat for the ride to their hotel.  Kenya decides to drive the boat and she goes nuts.  She really is disturbed and needs some serious psychiatric attention.

Kenya is convinced Walter is going to propose to her on the trip. Really? Kenya is delusional.  She is pushing and hinting to a man to marry her and the man obviously does not even like her that much.   He is looking for 15 minutes of fame, not a lifetime of crazy.  Phaedra quotes the good book and it just does not get any better than that.  Phaedra is hilarious.

They arrive to the amazing house and the fight for the best room is on.  NeNe is given a killer master with a divine bathroom, then Kenya gets a smaller room with no bathtub.  She is pissed off and makes it known.  She is selfish, rude, and offensive.  That girl might cut a bitch if she doesn’t get a better room.  She is fake crying and it is not cute.

Walter asks her if she took her medicine and I’m dying to know what it is. Kenya is taking crazy pills and I love it that Walter, the man who she is begging to marry her, is the one to out her.  Phaedra and Apollo have a nice room and Apollo wants to go in the hot tub.  Phaedra is concerned for her vagina and they call her doctor to get hot tub clearance.

Dear Lord, this show is lame.  They scripted 5 minutes around Phaedra’s vagina?  Desperate times call for desperate measures.  Phaedra and Apollo are cute, and frankly I would watch a show with her over Kim any day. Over with Peter and Cynthia, we are now asked to watch endless minutes of them talking about having sex.  This show is icky.

Everyone is dressed for dinner, yet Apollo is in his swim trunks and is going to take a swim?  Walter is in the pool, and then Kenta pushes Apollo in.  Phaedra is pissed off and Kenya is off the chain.  Apollo gets out of the pool, grabs Kenya, lifts her up and jumps in the pool with her.  Walter is disgusted, Phaedra is disgusted, and Kenya is disturbed.

Everyone gathers for breakfast and Phaedra shows up naked.  She is wearing a thong, covered with a piece of string.  God Bless her.  She is staking her territory and letting Kenya know to keep her hands off her man.  NeNe is fabulous and she does not disappoint in the entertainment department.  The couples break off to spend time together.

Kenya and Walter are on the beach and she is begging him to marry her and propose on the trip.  Oh. My. God.  She says they should get married there and he starts choking.  It truly is uncomfortable to watch and I am mortified for her.  She is a mess and someone needs to tie her up.  Kandi and her man are out for a drink and again, it is shameful.

Bravo is desperate to make these women interesting.  Kandi is the sex toy queen, yet acts coy about sexually explicit drink names.  It’s stupid.  Her boyfriend seems lovely and I am happy for her, but the best thing she can do for herself is get the hell off of this show.  She is a successful woman and this show makes her seem silly.

As a thank you to Peter and Cynthia for arranging the trip, Phaedra plans a surprise performance.  Seriously?  Phaedra, Peter and Cynthia had absolutely nothing to do with setting up this trip.  This is all Bravo all the time and that they pretend to be responsible for it is funny.  By funny of course I mean I have no idea why I bother to watch anymore.

They start dancing and NeNe is channeling her former stripper self which is fabulous.  Kenya tries to make out with Peter and both Phaedra and me are offended.  Kenya is flirting with anyone who owns a penis and it is gross. This girl is begging Walter to marry her then throwing herself at every man that passes by.  Did Bravo do psychological testing on Kenya?

Kenya asks Phaedra if she was going to let her husband sleep with one of her friends, who would it be.  It is on.  Next week the fight will blow up, Kandi will get married, and NeNe will stand out as the only normal one in a see of crazy.  Bravo is scraping the bottom of the barrel and NeNe can only save this show for so long. Thank God she keeps it real.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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