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Real Housewives of Atlanta Crawl to the Finish

by Ilana Angel

April 6, 2014 | 6:09 pm

We are almost done with the season and the end next week can't come fast enough. I think they need a shake up in Atlanta. Porsha is a bore, Phaedra needs to focus on real life, and Cynthia brings nothing to the table. There have been moments of good TV but mostly it has been women behaving badly. I am getting a little tired of the entire franchise. Not enough to stop watching, but enough to stop caring. That said, here we go.

We begin with Porsha singing. I am sick of singing housewives. Kandi is a singer who happens to be a Real Housewife, but Porsha is neither a singer nor a housewife, and needs to go. Kandi stops by for a scripted visit to see how Porsha is doing with her rehearsal and Porsha lies about knowing when the rehearsals were.  Kandi catches her in the lie and Porsha plays dumb. By plays dumb of course I mean she really is dumb.

We jump to Nene who is in LA having dinner with her manager. She is starting a clothing line. I can’t deal with another fashion line. Have you seen Kyle of RHOBH clothing line? Dear Lord. Apparently Nene is an actress and she can be selective with the parts offered to her. I love Nene but she is more of a novelty than an actress. Sidebar: the commercials for RHONY about Aviva losing her leg are a bore and Aviva is hideous.

Over to Cynthia, she is with Peter and asks him about stuff she is reading on the blogs about Bar One going into foreclosure. Apparently he has known for a month they are going into foreclosure. He never told her of course because he is a liar and super shady. Peter rents his space and his lease is up in four months. Cynthia “wants” to believe Peter, but she knows better. Peter gets defensive and Cynthia needs to bail.

Cut to Kenya, she is in bed crying because her beautiful little dog Velvet was attacked by another dog and died. Very sad but her pulling on her eyebrows is weird. Her aunt says maybe Velvet left to make room for someone else, like maybe a child. It is a lovely thing to say and I was really moved by her words. I like Kenya. I just don’t believe her a lot of the time, but she is quite fragile for someone who acts so tough.

We pick up with Kandi who is having therapy with her mom. Sidebar:  Her therapist, Dr. Sutherland, is gorgeous. They flash back to the first season of RHOA and it is amazing how Kandi has changed. She is beautiful. Kandi cries when talking about her mom to my boyfriend, Dr. Sutherland, and it is sad to watch. She desperately loves her mother and I want them to find piece. That said, Joyce is crazy and this is on her.

Mama Joyce explains she thinks Todd is after money, then tells Dr. Sutherland how to do his job. This woman is insane and her need to publicly humiliate herself and her daughter is not good television. Mama Joyce cries, Kandi joins back in, they agree to meet with Dr. Sutherland again. We know Kandi got married this weekend so clearly they worked it out enough for a wedding to happen, which is a great thing.

Nene is looking at her clothing line samples and wants us to know she is VERY involved. Approving a designer’s work is what you need to have a clothing line when you are a housewife I guess. We jump to Cynthia and Kandi, who are having lunch with Kenya, who breaks the news of Velvet. Cynthia’s reaction is wrong. Kenya tells them she is doing a memorial service and this script crap could've been done on the phone.

Time for a rare Phaedra scene and I call bullshit.  We are back with Cynthia and Peter who are doing a commercial for some home security system so they can get it for free. Peter tells Cynthia the landlord is not going to foreclose on their businesses, and they can buy the properties. Maybe they can borrow money from Apollo who is loaded from stealing tons of money. Why are these people on TV? Time for them to go.

It is a week before Kandi’s musical opens and Porsha has finally shown up for rehearsal. Kandi is a saint when it comes to Porsha. She is kind and patient when dealing with this moron so Bravo Kandi. Porsha is called out for being a no-show from the stage manager and plays with her hair like a dingbat. She truly is as stupid as she is pretty. The rehearsal is on and mama Joyce has come to watch which is stressful.

Todd sees Joyce and they go back and forth between the rehearsal and Todd showing Mama Joyce around the theater. Bless him for trying with this woman. She has been horrible to him and he, like Kandi, is a saint to put up with her. Todd is lovely and Mama Joyce is a bitch. Todd tells Joyce he wants to talk things through so they can move on. He wants to hear things directly from her, but Joyce is a bitter woman.

She tells Todd she did not stop liking him, simply stopped respecting him. Ugh. Todd defends himself, which he didn’t need to do, and says he wants her to love him one day. I now love him. I’m glad they got married and I hope Mama Joyce didn’t suck the joy out of the day. Joyce speaks of losing her child and I feel for her. It is sweet. They hug and it is nice. Next week is the finale so maybe they’ll keep it real.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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