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Real Housewives of Atlanta Charity Fail

by Ilana Angel

February 16, 2014 | 6:19 pm

* Typos are generously sponsored by Merlot.

Last week I called these “ladies” gutter pigs” and I was called a racist. I didn’t mention the color of the pigs, simple stated they were pigs. They were fighting like animals, yet many women of color took offense to it. What was fascinating was they made my comment about me being Jewish. They chose to point a racist finger at me by being anti-Semitic. Life must be a struggle when you are so stupid. Moving onto the pigs.

We start off this week at the salon with Kenya, Marlo, and Ms. Lawrence. Such an odd scripted moment. They are bringing Marlo in to shoot with Kenya now? Dear Lord. They are still hashing out the pajama party. Ugh. Marlo is good TV. They are talking about Nene and how she is so much older than them that they must look up to her and respect her. This is about talking crap about Nene. These ladies are mighty shady.

Kenya is having a high class event and emailing her invitations. Classy. She is going to auction off bachelors. Classy. She is going to donate to a charity of Nene’s choice in an attempt to get back on Nene’s good side. I’m bored but I’ve got wine so I’m sticking with it. Cut to Kandi, she is still auditioning for her show. Time for Porsha to come in and she tells us she is “convicted”. She is dumb. She sings great but quite dramatic.

Back with Kenya, she is at Bar One to audition bachelors to be auctioned. The girl is working hard to get camera time. She looks beautiful this week. Marlo comes to join in the judging and her dress is too short. The dog and pony show begins and some of the men are making Cynthia drool. She is way to into it. Her old husband is clearly not cute naked. Poor thing.

Only 6 men show up for the audition. Ouch. Porsha decides the best way to put all the drama of the pajama party away is to play roller derby. Really? I wouldn’t go near that. Kandi announces Porsha got a part in her play.  Her first job!  Kandi and Phaedra are sitting on their butts watching while the other girls skate. Why do they bother going to these things when they refuse to participate? 

Nene is a no show to roller-skating, which is a shame because everyone else had fun. Kenya is scrambling to find bachelors. Kandi and Porsha tell Kenya they can't make it. Kandi wants us to think she is working out, which is funny. She is working out to Phaedra’s work out tape, which is funnier. Carmen joins her and they talk about the gossip saying Carmen and Todd hook up. Carmen gets a message from Joyce.

Carmen plays the message and I don’t get why she is causing drama between Kandi and her mom. Carmen is spending a lot of time denying anything is going on with Todd, which in my opinion is suspect. Carmen is throwing Joyce under the bus and it sounds crazy. Joyce is clearly a whack job and desperate to get rid of Todd so she doesn’t lose out on all of Kandi’s money. It is really gross.

I feel back for Kandi. She can’t trust anyone, including her own family. Money makes people nuts. Jumping to Cynthia, she is with Nene who has new hair. Cute. Nene says she is in transition. Translation: unemployed.  Nene knows nothing about Kenya’s event. Interesting. She then says she heard about it from Marlo. Did she know or not?  This show is lame and there are no real relationships happening here.

Over at Kandi’s, Todd is working outside in the yard on his computer. So stupid. Kandi tells him about the gossip with Carmen. Todd wants to talk with Carmen and the three of them are going to chat. Kandi is throwing her mom under the bus, which is needed, but sad. Todd lets Kandi know he has no respect for Joyce and Kandi does not want to hear about it. It’s now Carmen and Todd against Joyce.

Todd says it is only a matter of time before he leaves Kandi because of her mom. Kandi cries again about her mom who has no idea what she is ding to her daughter. By daughter of course I mean gravy train. This is a mess and I don’t know who to believe. Probably because I don’t care. In the end it is sad to watch Kandi go through this. I have no respect for Todd with his threats. He’s not going anywhere.

Time for the big ball and Nene is not planning to come. Of course she is coming. She has no job and needs camera time. Nene wants us to think she never got the invite but we know she did. Whoever writes this crap needs to get a new job. Cynthia and Peter are waiting to see if Nene shows up. Kenya arrives and she looks fabulous. The bachelors are there to be auctioned off and yes, I would buy one or two.

There are not a lot of guests and I wonder how many people were paid to be there. Kenya is talking about how people with manners RSVP to things they're invited to. She fails to mention she never RSVP’d to Nene’s wedding. Nene arrives, against her will of course, and it is hilarious. Nene is being a bitch. Kenya invites Nene to speak and it is not happening. It’s about to hit the fan.

Nene gets up and gives an ungrateful and embarrassing speech. This is horrific and I am mortified the charity is being humiliated by these egos. Nene should have worn better undergarments. Peter says he wants to leave and it is weird.  Peter heads out, as does Nene, Gregg and Cynthia. Peter is leaving because he thinks Nene was inappropriate. Really? Walking out of the charity event is not the way to go dumbass.

Peter tells Nene she was wrong and Nene is not having it. Sidebar: why does the color of Peter’s beard keep changing? The event is a dud but Kenya wants us to think they raised a lot of money. Next week we see more of the fall of Nene. Poor girl has put herself on a pedestal and the fall is hard. These women are not acting like ladies and they better get it together because we won’t watch if they can’t keep it real.

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