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Jewish Journal

Princesses Long Island: Disrespecting Shabbat

by Ilana Angel

June 9, 2013 | 8:43 pm

This show is a train wreck in terms of reality TV, and a nightmare if you are Jewish.  It is offensive because with the exception of one girl, Chanel, there is nothing Jewish about these chicks other than the fact that they happen to be Jewish.  They don’t even know what Shabbat is, but we will come back to that.  This show pisses me off but I am watching and blogging if only to let people know this is not what Jewish looks like.

Andy Cohen should be ashamed of himself.  There are people watching this show who don’t know any Jews and will think this is how we are.  Really Andy? You are smarter than this.  It would appear Andy is as conveniently Jewish as these chicks are.  Saying Oy Vey does not make you a Jew.  In the case of these girls, it simply makes you an idiot.  I am going to try to get through this hour without wanting to impale myself.

I want to just say that showing religious Jews walking on the streets of Long Island is ridiculous.  These girls are not that Jewish. I was raised secular as many of them are, and I am not ignorant about my faith like they are.  Granted I became more religious as I got older, but still, this is idiotic and these girls need to stop defining themselves as Jewish, but rather Jew-ish.

We start with Amanda who is so nasally I want to shove my hand up her nose and clear her sinuses.  Joey comes by to apologize for the mess at the pool party.  Joey seems like a nice girl and I think she is much prettier than Erica, who is supposed to be the pretty one. Joey is sorry Amanda’s boyfriend is gay.  Wait, she's sorry he was outed at the pool party, but does not care that he is gay.

Chanel, the only cute and funny one, is taking Ashlee out for drinks in the city.  Ashlee makes my skin crawl.  She is 30 years old and acts like she is 16. She is rude and obnoxious.  Her parents are so ready for her to get married, they don’t care who takes her off her hands, just take her.  God bless Ashlee’s parents for dealing with what they created.

Ashlee and Chanel go out clubbing on what is gay night.  Ashlee is disappointed and Chanel thinks maybe one of them has a nice brother.  I love Chanel.  Casey shows up to join them.  She is a Long Island girl who lives in the city.  She’s pretty and seems sweet, but only stays for a bit and bails. Chanel says in high school Erica stole Casey’s boyfriend.

Back on Long Island, Amanda and Erica are on a double date.  I truly cannot stand these two.  The voices, the laughing, the talking, the breathing, all of it is annoying.  Erica is a slag, Jeff is in denial, Amanda reminds me of Giuliana Rancic, and Rob is watching this show at home and planning how to dump the slut.  I am drinking but it not making it any easier.

Chanel is planning a Shabbat dinner and weekend in the Hamptons, that they are all going to.  Amanda lets us know Jeff is full of testosterone and I cannot stop laughing.  Chanel is visiting with Chanel and we learn Casey is an artist and cocktail waitress.  They are talking about Erica and the heartache she caused her when she was young.

Sidebar:  Everyone keeps talking about how pretty Erica was and I just don’t get it. They are all prettier than Erica.  Chanel lets Casey know Erica will be at the weekend and wants her to come anyway.  Casey agrees to come but makes no promises about how it will go.  Chanel is lovely and tells Casey she can sleep in her room and she will protect her.  Sweet.

All their houses look like they have not been decorated since the 80’s. Joey is visiting Erica and lets us know that Erica is a slut.  Erica is gross and talks with her mouth full.  I am not a fan and could never be friends with this chick.  Ever.  Erica tells Joe that she slept with Casey’s boyfriend, then Joey tells Erica that she also slept with her boyfriend.

Apparently Erica slept with everyone’s boyfriend.  Dear Lord.  Why go on a TV show to be outed as a slut?  Erica is stupid and Joey lets us know that while Erica was a slut in high school, she is still a slut now.  I love me some Joey.  Erica is going on the weekend and thinks if Casey still has a problem with the fact that she banged her love, she is ridiculous.

We meet Casey’s mom who seems lovely.  Casey is stressed out about the weekend and explains that her parents divorced when she was 2, after her father cheated on her mother and left.  Casey has issues that are more about her dad than Erica.  Erica is a slut, and Casey needs to get some therapy, but that has nothing to do with Erica.

It is time for the weekend and they are going on a party bus.  The amount of stuff Ashlee is taking is insane.  She makes sure her dad has the “truck drivers” phone number.  Chanel is hanging out with the wrong girls.  For real. Erica talks about masturbation and we learn that Ashlee never masturbates. There are many reasons these chicks are not married.

The gang has arrived in the Hamptons.  Ashlee cannot carry her own bags so Chanel does it, and then says it is her pleasure.  I love Chanel.  Erica is on the phone to her parents in a second to say the house is worthy of her.  The only thing this show is going to do for Erica is guarantee that she is never going to get married.  There is simply no man that dumb.

Everyone is getting ready for Shabbat dinner and I am amazed at how little they know about Shabbat. These chicks make me sick.  By chicks of course I mean all but Chanel, and occasionally Joey. Casey arrives and ignores Erica, even though Erica wants to engage her.  Amanda is not there because her and Jeff are watching a Judy Garland movie.

There is tension and it is going to go down.  Chanel is guiding her super dumb friends through the prayers and my skin is crawling.  They are disrespectful of the tradition, and of Chanel, so bless her for being so gracious because it is pissing me off.  There is virtually nothing Jewish about them.  Erica is getting drunk and cannot stop talking for one minute.

Erica is rambling on about things that are inappropriate and Casey loses her mind.  Erica is once again talking with her mouth full and Casey blows up, telling her to be quiet and stop talking.  Bravo Casey.  She tells Erica she is ridiculous and weird and everyone sits uncomfortably as they go at it.  Erica starts crying and leaves the table.  Classy ladies.

Casey is now crying and mortified that she ruined dinner, while Erica talks to the man dumb enough to date her, about what is going on.  Chanel is the voice of calm and reason and wants to fix things.  Not happening.  There is a reason Andy is off for two weeks. He knows we’d be calling in to WWHL about how when it comes to being Jewish, this is not keeping it real.

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