I look forward to this show each week and am bummed it is such a short season. These chicks are crazy in all the ways you want reality television women to be. Unlike the Real Housewives of wherever, they are not yet aware enough of the cameras to have it alter their behavior too much. They are as real as they can be, and that only happens in the first season of a show, so enjoy it while you can because next season will be very different.
We start off at Dr. Simone’s house with her family. I love this woman, love her kids, love her husband, love her drinking, love it all. Her husband Cecil has built a bar in the basement. They are getting ready for Homecoming weekend. They went to Spelman and Morehouse, which as a loyal viewer of The Cosby Show, I know are two historically black colleges in Atlanta. It is impressive, cute, and All American, that they met and fell in love during college.
Over at Trashy Toya’s house, her husband is in a meeting for his new business and she comes in to try to take over. She is focused on money, likes talking about money, and thinks she is responsible for her husband making money. Toya is an idiot. She should be offering her guests a drink and getting lost. She should also be rethinking her earrings. Maybe she should invest in a stylist and some new hair. The girl is trashy.
Her husband quickly puts her in her place, embarrasses her a little bit, and shuts her up. I’m guessing he does that a lot. We jump to Dr. Jackie who is with a patient. I love babies and enjoy when the patients are on the show. Jackie could not have kids because of a battle with Cancer and it is sad, but she talks about it a lot, which is also sad. Cut back to Toya and her husband. She wants to talk about Mariah, but he is not interested in talking.
Toya is crying because he does not want to talk about the fight. Toya is starting to crack and we are seeing into her marriage, which is not as fabulous as she would like us to think. She cannot get support from her own husband so maybe she needs to reevaluate the situation and own up to the fact that she started the fight and the truth is going to come out. Toya is a mess, not interesting, and needs to get canned before season two.
Cecil and Simone are hosting an event for Homecoming weekend, and she has invited Jackie and Toya. Not sure why she would do that. Translation: she was asked to include them by producers so they could talk about Mariah. Jackie looks gorgeous, Simone is smashed, and Toya is rocking some truly hideous earrings. Again. Jackie wants a “Lemon Squeeze” to help hash out the problems with the women. It is insane that Jackie wants to control it.
Jackie will get them together, with no drinking, in closed quarters, with the cameras rolling, and make everyone friends again. Toya thinks it is lame because the women have no manners. Toya is a bottom feeder and her pointing at others is hilarious. Cut to Mariah, she is making dinner for her family. She catches her son Ethan in a bit of a lie about school and she shuts that down real quick. I love this chick and her family.
She tells her husband about the Lemon Squeeze. Mariah is upset that everyone is taking it so lightly. A lemon squeeze is not going to fix anything. Nobody has acknowledged the hurt and purposeful attempt to hurt Mariah by Toya. She is stressed out, but manages to end the scene with humor with her husband. I like Mariah on this show and the truth is that had it been me, there would have been teeth flying out of Toya if she hurt my baby.
Dr. Jackie’s patient is having her baby and it is really exciting. Jackie cries when talking about never having had a baby herself. I feel for her and thinks she is classy, but does every show need to talk about it? I don’t think so. Cut to Mariah, who is out for lunch with Quad. I like Quad, but annoyed she invited Toya to her dog party. Nobody is looking forward to the Lemon Squeeze, and nobody is coming to the table with good intentions.
Kari and Toya are getting their nails done together. All Toya wants to talk about is how everyone is on her side and their friendships are strong. Toya is stupid and the truth will come out. Everyone is arriving to the lemon squeeze, some get bonus points for wearing yellow, but there is tension and nobody wants to talk to each other. Cut to Toya who is now wearing the most hideous of her earring collection. She looks ridiculous.
Mariah wants wine, Jackie is insisting no alcohol, everyone is bored, and the whole idea of taking the problems into private to be hashed out, makes no sense with the cameras rolling. This was a dumb idea, but here we are. Jackie is explaining the rules and I am so done. This is silly and Jackie thinks she is a teacher with her students, not a group of grown women. She gets the night started by talking about the fight at the birthday party.
We are shown the footage again and see that Toya started the physical fight. Jackie was not even there so why is she getting all up on everyone’s business? Kari talks and says she did not throw Mariah out of her house. She is talking in a negative way, and it is a shame because she is really lovely and it is just not translating well to television. Cut to Toya.
Toya wants an apology. She talks about getting beaten as a kid by her mother, and that she has issues with being hit now. I think she is trying to get sympathy. Seriously, I’m not buying it that Mariah took her to her dark childhood. Whatever. Mariah will not apologize and says that she is angry at Toya for putting the wellbeing of her child in jeopardy.
Toya is a low class bitch and I am on Team Mariah with this. Toya is lying, scrambling to get her story straight, and I don’t understand why everyone is not seeing what we are seeing. Mariah calls out Jackie for not getting it, Jackie is hurt that Mariah is saying she can’t get it because she never had a baby, and Kari is struggling with the pole stuck up her ass.
Mariah calls Kari a liar, Kari has the back up emails to prove what she is saying, and now everyone looks crazy. The Lemon Squeeze crashes and burns. Jackie is surprised, which is funny, and walks off in tears. Everyone else just sits there unsure what to do as the cameras are rolling. It’s just too funny. Next week they are all going on a trip together. Oy Vey!
It is impossible to know what is true and what is not here because the editing is off. We will get a clearer look into it all at the reunion, so that is something to look forward to. Everyone has a team and in terms of the fight I am on team Mariah, but in terms of reality TV as a whole, I will trade in the housewives for Married to Medicine. These chicks are keeping it real.
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