May 28, 2013 | 7:40 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
Lordy, Lordy, Lordy, it is going down with the women of Atlanta. They have all paired off and the lines are divided. It is clear who likes who, who hates who, who wants to kill who, and who I would want to be friends with. Then there is Andy. Dear sweet Andy Cohen starts the reunion by throwing gasoline on the fire. He gets Mariah, who is on the outs with everyone but Quad, to introduce them all. Cheap shot, but effective.
Quad looks absolutely gorgeous, Jackie is gracious and kind, and Simone is straight up fabulous. Toya is a stupid bitch, and Kari is suffering from constipation. Mariah is nice to all but Kari and Toya, which makes sense because these two “lades” are anything but. Mariah implies that Kari is older than Duncan and Kari quickly corrects her. Kari and Toya are not too thrilled with Mariah and it is going to get messy.
This show has polarized fans and we are all on a team. There is Team Doctor, for those who like Jackie and Simone. Team Toya and Kari for those who like fake, mean bitches, and Team Mariah and Quad for those who like to keep it real. I am with Quad and Mariah, have a total girl crush on Simone, think Jackie is a lady, think Toya is a gutter pig, and think Kari picked the wrong ally, knows it, but can turn it around if she is smart.
There is a lot of recapping and not a lot of talking but these women can get their feelings across quickly so we need to pay attention. Kari is being an elitist, Quad is annoyed Kari keeps calling her husband the wrong kind of doctor, and Kari wants us to think it was a mistake. Come on Kari. She knew exactly what she was doing and it was on purpose. Kari fancies herself more important because her husband is a surgeon. Blah, blah, blah.
If there is a hierarchy, then Jackie and Simone are on top. Know it. We see some clips of Kari and see that she is rather mean spirited. She told me she is misunderstood and her actions are based on a lot of things we have not seen. She needs to wake up and know what we see is what matters. We are judging her on the show, not what she tells us happened behind the scenes. Kari is lovely but clearly a bit delusional and in need of a kick in the ass.
Kari tries to throw Toya under the bus but Quad and Mariah are not letting her off the hook. Quad and Mariah are whispering to each other and it is funny as hell. I think Kari was a bitch on this show but I am not giving up on her. I think she means well, got caught up in the shithole that is Toya, and once she washes the crap off can come to the table all clean and sparkly. I am not digging her TV character, but there is something interesting about her.
Sidebar: There is a makeup room camera catching the teams talking and it is fabulous. They should have one of these on all the reunions of all the shows. They know the camera is there, but still, it is funny, sweet, entertaining, and a shot of reality in a sea of fakeness. Andy wants to talk about the mug shot and arrest of Quad, but here’s the thing, who cares? They had a fight, they got married, they are happy, move on. We simply do not care.
Kari and Toya want to talk smack about Quad and I don’t get it. Toya is clearly jealous of Quad. She thought Quad would be the loose canon and everyone would hate her, but in the end Toya is the freak that we cannot stand. Toya thought she’d be a superstar, and in the end she is an ignorant pig who has no decency, no manners, and no shot in hell of ever having the class that Quad possesses. She is an embarrassment to herself and Detroit.
Toya is being a bitch to Quad and I am somewhat distracted by her saggy boobs and unfortunate dress, then Quad pulls out the DUI charges against Toya. Can we just talk for a minute about the fact that Toya seems to struggle with English. He has a limited vocabulary and when she tries to use a new word, she uses it wrong. Bless her. Toya is a pig, Quad is fabulous, and I really hope Toya does not come back for another season.
Simone shares that she was raised by a single mother and does not talk to her father as he likes to talk bad about her mom and she is not having it. I freaking love this woman and I now love her mom. I am a single mom and to hear a grown woman speak of her mother like Simone does, makes me happy and want to work harder so that my son speaks of me as Simone speaks of her mom. I am going to have a vodka with Simone one day. Know it.
Andy wants to talk about the fight and I think it is sad. We are never going to know the entire truth so hashing it out seems silly. What we know for sure is that Toya made a bad decision and endangered the emotional well being of a child. She did this, in my opinion, on purpose and with the sole objective to hurt Mariah. I think Toya is a snake, I side with Mariah’s mom on this, and God help a bitch who tries to hurt my baby. For real.
I feel sad for Mariah and don’t think any of these women would act any differently if it had been their child. Mariah is on the verge of tears at the betrayal of the friendships, which she brought to the show. Simone jumps in when Mariah says nobody asked her how she was doing. Simone will not have it and makes it clear she tried to help everyone, and never took a side. Even with only the little pieces we see, we are clear on the hurt that went down.
I love Simone and think she really was trying to help and unclear on everything. Jackie is calm and steady, but she is not getting it. Mariah says Jackie cannot get it because she is not a mom, and while I understand how that is hurtful to Jackie, on some level I agree. The fight is the cornerstone of the show and while Toya is blaming Mariah’s mom Lucy for the fight, Lucy is there to defend herself. It is perfection and we go onto Part Two.
Lucy starts off part two with tears. She is explaining how hurtful it was and Toya is laughing it off. Lucy called Toya to say sorry and Toya makes fun of that too, saying a publicist made her. Lucy tells Toya she forgives her and Toya goes off, saying Lucy is a bad mother. Dear Lord. Toya needs to go back to Detroit and sit on her porch. She is a bitch, a liar, an idiot, and it will be shameful if Bravo brings her back for another season.
They do a recap of my girlfriend Simone and she cries. I like her so much. I am going to move to Atlanta and be her sister-wife. I am moving into nephew’s room and will have vodka while Cecil cooks for us. So excited. Simone hugs Mariah and I am happy they made up. I want Simone back next season By want of course I mean need. I ain’t got nothing but love for you Simone. We are now moving onto the fall out of Mariah and Kari.
Kari says Mariah came from nothing and Mariah corrects her by saying she may have come from humble beginnings, but it was not nothing. I love me some Mariah and I am firmly on her team. Kari comes off shady on the show and sadly comes off shady on the reunion. I still want her back, but she is only getting one pass from me. Kari is now telling us all Duncan’s penis is big and I am checking out. Kari is not the classy one tonight.
Kari says that Mariah has never been nice or kind to her. Really? You are on her show Kari. I’m over it. We get a recap of Mariah and Quad and they are hilarious. I want to hang out with these two. I would laugh a lot, be a little scared, and learn a new language. I am going to the next Docs on the Docks event and I am going to prowl the Jewish doctors of Atlanta. Speaking of which, you can’t have a show about doctors and not include a Jew!
We get a recap of Dr. Jackie and for reasons I am not totally clear on, it makes me cry. This is a classy and refined woman and to hear her speak of the season, and her own life, is really moving. I see Jackie differently after the reunion. I want to hug her and tell her that I think she is beautiful. The reunion has been a revelation of a lot of things and the fact is that Jackie is a remarkable woman and I wish her continued health and happiness.
There is a lot of greatness to these women, along with a lot of ugliness. Mariah says she has forgiven Toya, but I have not. She is ignorant and her comments about Hitler in her blog are offensive. I don’t like her, won’t ever, and want her gone. It would appear that Mariah will take Toya back for season two, but is looking to cut Kari loose. Interesting choice. If anyone goes they better bring in a Jew. If she is keeping Toya, she should keep Kari too.
Jackie thinks it can be fixed for the six of them. Simone thinks time will heal the situation. Toya is going to pray for all, Quad needs time, Mariah is going to try, and Kari is not there to make friends, only to tell the truth. Really? Since when does truth have anything to do with reality television? I predict they will all be back next season and I will be here too, keeping it real.
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