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Jewish Journal

Married to Medicine Goes to the Dogs

by Ilana Angel

April 27, 2014 | 8:03 pm

I love this show but if they think I am going to watch an entire season about clothes for dogs designed by a woman who does not know how to pronounce the names of the designers she wants to emulate, they are sorely mistaken. People cannot pay their rent but she wants designer clothes, including ostrich and python, for dogs? Quad has lost her mind.

We start with Quad and Lisa who are at a dog shop having Quad’s “babies” groomed while they look at the selection of dog clothes. I love Quad but she likes the sound of her own voice and she is “on” all the time. She is not the real and fabulous woman we met last season. She is now cliché and a character, which is a shame because she was fabulous. I hope she gets back to where she once was by the end of the season.

Lisa asks Quad about the falling out with Mariah. Does anyone else think Lisa sounds like a Jackson? She is very LaToya if you ask me. Quad says things are altered in her relationship with Mariah, then she starts crying. By crying of course I mean there are no tears, so this is not crying. I think Quad is hiding something and Lisa has come in to cause trouble. I am not digging her at all and she can go.

Over to Dr. Simone, her husband Cecil is going on an annual golfing trip with the boys and Simone is pissed about it. They are fighting about money, he wants to help, she wants to do it on her own, and the stress is thick. I love this couple, individually and together, so they better get their shit together and fix this because I am going to be a sister wife to Simone and that won’t work without Cecile. Kiss and make up already.

Jumping to Dr. Jackie, we are talking about breast cancer again. Really? This is important information, and has real value, but does it need to be discussed here? This is a train wreck reality show and to think we can backtrack and be a serious medical show, is not going to happen. I am not a huge fan of Jackie, and while I respect her and her situation, to go this deep at this stage of the show makes no sense to me.

Jackie is talking to a patient who is going through breast cancer, and she cries, which is powerful. Jackie is closed off and tough so to see her being so vulnerable is touching. Her message is important but again, I don’t get it here. I just don’t. Sorry. Back to Simone, she is going to have the ladies over for a slumber party while Cecile is off golfing. Really? This feels very Bravo and not at all Simone, so we’ll see what happens.

Finally time to see Mariah, who is out with her family. Her husband is darling, kids are adorable, but she is alone. She says she needs to take a step back from the other ladies, and everyone is talking about it on social media. People are picking sides of Team Mariah or Team Everyone Else. It is too soon to know what is really going on, but if push came to shove, I believe Mariah more than I believe Quad.

Mariah’s daughter Lauren says Mariah’s life is like chess because she is the Queen and needs to be strategic about moves in order to save herself. Amen Lauren. It is a brilliant analogy from a brilliant kid. Lauren needs her own show. Time with Mariah is short and we are back talking about dog clothes. Are you kidding Bravo? Quad pronounces Swarovski as Sworski and seriously people, I am laughing my ass off at her.

It is time to hang with Dr. Heavenly, who is fabulous. They start with a quick minute in her office being a doctor. Enough of that already. They are doctors, but this is not a medical show, so stop. Heavenly is making a vision board with her daughter Alaura. This child needs her own show too. Alaura is perfection and Heavenly with her is divine. She shuts her mom down for talking about herself and I love this child.

Time for Simone’s scripted pajama party. Everyone is invited. By everyone of course I mean she didn’t include Mariah, Heavenly, or Toya. Lisa comes with a bag to change, but Quad arrives in her lingerie. Simone is envious of her sexiness and this might be entertaining. Lisa changes into cute lingerie while Simone is in shorts and a t-shirt. Dr. Simone needs some help with her wardrobe and her sex life. Bless her.

Quad uses every chance she is on camera to slam Mariah and there is something odd about it. Simone is dancing for the girls and it is sad. By dancing of course I mean flailing. Listening to these women talk about sex is awkward. Simone is not that into sex and does not blow. Oh my. Why would one talk about this on TV? Simone says she has turned a corner and been inspired to get it on with Cecil. Mazel Tov.

After the epic failure of the slumber party, we are now with Lisa and her family. Why is she wearing stilettos to make cupcakes? She takes her husband off alone and tells him a lump in her breast is cysts and she requires further testing. She is scared but putting off further inspection of her breasts for work. That is idiotic. She is being ridiculous and needs a swift kiss in the ass. Early detection dumbass.

Her husband is brilliant and she is a moron. She is pushing her professional agenda over protecting her life and putting her health first. If there were even a remote possibility I had cancer I would be all over it, not working. Lisa cries, with no tears. Wiping eyes does not mean there are tears and we are not stupid so these chicks need to stop with the fake crying. I think this is ridiculous. Time to head back to Mariah.

She is having remodeling done on her yard and therefore cancelling parties as the house is not ready. She says she does not know what has happened with Quad and the way she talks for a minute, while Quad goes on and on, makes me question the agenda of Bravo’s editing. Just saying. Time to join Dr. Jackie and her husband for her 50 Shades of Pink cancer charity event. She looks beautiful and welcomes Lisa.

Lisa tells her about her cancer scare and I am wondering why she would do that to her “friend” before the event even starts. Why? Because it is scripted that way.  Lisa is now crying for real, as are Jackie and myself. Really? We are ending with this sadness? I am going to lose interest in this show if they are going to change course and try to entertain me with cancer and medicine. Get back to not keeping it real!

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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