Tonight's typos are generously sponsored by Merlot.
Before I start blogging about this ridiculous show, I’d like to take a moment to thank Ms. Rimes. She “allegedly’ hired a “blogger” to write a blog about me. The “blogger” she allegedly hired is not a particularly good writer, nor does anyone appear to read her blog other than Ms. Rimes and her Twitter eggs. Bless their hearts. I appreciate the effort and am flattered she spends so much time thinking about me.
The blog included quotes from my blog, along with pictures from my Twitter, and a photoshopped image of me with a unibrow. She is equally untalented in Photoshop as she is in writing. If anyone knows anything about me, they know my eyebrows are immaculate and actually quite perfect. The truth is that my brows are simply divine and saying anything other than how fabulous they are is just silly.
The blog mentions I might not have teeth since I don’t smile with them showing. I actually have really nice teeth. Never had braces or whitening, but they are straight, pearly, and lovely. I'm not sure why I don’t smile with my teeth showing. I've taken note and will try to remember to smile with an open mouth so they can move onto something else. I'm flattered they spent so much time searching my pictures.
Perhaps the blog was to embarrass me. It didn’t. By using my name in the title, maybe they were trying to get my readers to read her blog instead of mine. That didn’t work either. I suppose the goal could’ve been to intimidate me to stop writing about LeAnn and Eddie all together. Yeah, that didn’t happen either. Nice try. Just sit back, relax, and enjoy my latest blog on the shit show that is, LeAnn and Eddie.
We start in the fake house and LeAnn worrying about her dog. She thinks the dog might be depressed. I’m sure the dog is depressed having to travel back and forth to the fake house to shoot this ridiculous show. LeAnn wants to take the dog to a therapist and Eddie loves her so much he agrees to it. By loves her so much of course I mean the script says he must agree or he won’t get his allowance.
Cut to LeAnn having lunch with her mom. These women do not like each other. LeAnn is on edge whenever she is around her mom or dad and you can see it. LeAnn scratches her head a lot and might want to wash it. Her mom says she's ready for a grandbaby. LeAnn says they're not ready and touring will be hard with a baby. Nobody goes to LeAnn’s concerts and she cancels a lot so not sure what the worry is.
She could take the baby on stage, have the two people who got free tickets in the Walmart parking lot hold the baby while she sits on the floor reading lyrics and texting Eddie to see who he is with and if he's using a condom. It won’t be hard. Of course Eddie will need surgery to reverse his vasectomy. Insert legally required “alleged” here. LeAnn’s mom says she had infertility issues and LeAnn was a miracle.
LeAnn is acting like this is the first time she heard this story, and is worried she may have the same trouble as her mom. She and Eddie are waiting, but maybe that is not a good idea. Why exactly are they waiting? He is over 40, his kids are getting older, so why wait to start over with a baby? Wouldn’t it be easier to have a baby now and have the kids grow up together? I think he’s just not that into her.
LeAnn leaves fake lunch and goes to the fake house. Interesting that she is wearing what appears to be a different shirt from lunch. She also pulls straight into the driveway, but the shot of her parking the car is on an angle. The editor of this show is not very good at editing. Eddie is fake fixing a fake shower in the fake house, when LeAnn tells him her mom will go on tour with her and watch the baby.
Eddie reminds her they’re not having a baby, but a moment of joy flashes over his eyes at the thought of not having to go on tour and staying home to bang chicks while Grandma watches the baby he didn’t want. Insert legally required “alleged” here. LeAnn is worried so Eddie tells her to get tested. Apparently in the hour it took LeAnn to drive from fake lunch to the fake house she made an appointment.
How is it she got an appointment for fertility testing in an hour for the very next morning? Oh yeah, this is fake. I forgot. By forgot of course I mean that was so funny I spit out my wine. Eddie is annoyed he'll have to do doggie therapy on his own while LeAnn goes to have her fake infertility tested. Important to note that months ago LeAnn told ET she had no infertility issues and the story was for entertainment.
As someone who struggled with infertility and spent a lot of years and money to get pregnant, to use this as entertainment pisses me off and proves once again LeAnn Rimes is a fame whore, as well as a regular whore. Insert legally required “alleged “ here. This chick is insane and it is fascinating she is so willing to show how mentally unstable she is in such a public way. I am actually embarrassed for the poor girl.
Eddie explains how LeAnn gets him to do stuff. She gives him a look, a pause, and some guilt. Translation: She pays for his very survival and he has to do whatever she says. He lets us know again he really love this woman and once again I am laughing. Eddie owes me a glass of wine. I am wasting it by laughing out loud at this buffoon. Cut to LeAnn's fertility testing. She'll find out in a few days what the deal is.
It is time for puppy therapy. She is not really a dog therapist, but no need to clarify the truth on this show. I am skipping over this. Jump to LeAnn at dance class. Now LeAnn owes me a glass of wine. LeAnn is with her “best friend” Liz who used to be Brandi’s best friend. What a coincidence. Liz has had rather unfortunate injections and it is a shame because I imagine she was once quite pretty.
LeAnn tells Liz she went for testing and mentions Liz knows about her mom’s difficulties. In an earlier scene LeAnn said she didn’t know about her mom’s infertility, so how did Liz? Is lying part of satire? Anyone? Liz and LeAnn are best friends, yet LeAnn didn't know Liz had a miscarriage? Liz is going to tell the people watching this show before telling LeAnn? They leave the dance studio and are met by paparazzi.
LeAnn is still not used to having her picture taken. She calls them to come take her picture so this is dumb. She really is just so dumb. Eddie wants to help LeAnn keep her mind off her ovaries so he takes her bowling. Interesting that they drive really, really far from the fake house, yet surprisingly close to their real house. They use the names “hoe” and “trash” at bowling which is the only true thing about this show.
Fake people who have no idea who they are ask for pictures and they decide to leave. They are the ONLY people bowling. Did they go out onto Ventura Blvd. and ask people to come in for pictures? Yes. Yes they did. Cut to fake house, LeAnn wants us to think she has baked enough cookies and muffins to feed an army. Eddie walks in and is surprised by the baking. Exactly how stupid are these people?
Don’t answer that. You could smell that much baking from up the street yet Eddie had no idea? He must have arrived to the fake house as the caterers were leaving, having dropped of the fake baking. Eddie goes to eat a cookie and LeAnn tells him to be careful because they’re hot. Damn it! I want a bottle of wine from these fools. The doctor calls and LeAnn has low fake hormone levels and shouldn’t wait to have a baby.
LeAnn says she is ready to have a baby and this may be her only chance. Translation: she needs to chain herself to him for another 18 years before he bails. They agree to go off birth control and try to have a spawn. Mazel Tov. I made it through another week of garbage. Next week the train wreck continues. I'll be watching so you don’t have to. My blog is the only thing about LeAnn and Eddie keeping it real.
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