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LeAnn and Eddie Week 3 Recap

by Ilana Angel

July 31, 2014 | 8:38 pm

Tonight's typos are generously sponsored by Patron.

I am drinking and watching this show so you don’t have to. Since both LeAnn and VH1 personally asked me to blog it, I feel a certain obligation and the truth is this show is a truly fascinating thing. We are watching a woman who is clearly not very bright, doesn’t have any chemistry with her husband, is treated unkindly by the camera, and has lied so much, for so long, she has no clear understanding of what reality is. 

Watching someone deal with mental illness isn’t funny. LeAnn however doesn’t try to deal with it. Instead embraces it and runs, which is quite funny. By funny of course I mean we are laughing at her, not with her. If this woman is a train wreck, Eddie Cibrian is the conductor who is responsible for the crash. He seems to be devoid of any personality and has a wonky eye and not even his dimples can distract us. 

With the ratings falling steadily since it began airing three weeks ago, I don’t imagine there will be many more episodes to blog, so I’m going to stick with it. For a woman who is on at least a dozen top ten lists of most hated celebrities to even have a show is amazing, so I give the girl credit. She has managed to ruin lives, kill career, and still have a show. Proof that money can buy you fame, or in this case hate. 

We start with LeAnn and Eddie packing for scripted fun in Nashville. Eddie has a duffle bag and LeAnn has clothes for days. Eddie compares himself to Einstein, which is annoying. I was mid sip and spit out perfectly good tequila you bastard. LeAnn says she needs to be prepared for any situation with wardrobe options, and he’d divorce her if she wore the same thing everyday. If I were her I’d do that.

The blissfully unhappy couple arrive in Nashville and head to LeAnn’s dad’s house. Eddie keeps calling her baby and it makes my eye twitch. LeAnn tells us she went coon hunting at 2 and killed a raccoon at 4. LeAnn says she gets anxious when seeing her dad and they have to be careful what they talk about as there are things off limits. She is amazed they came back from such a big falling out.

LeAnn sued her dad for money and they didn’t speak for years if I recall correctly. I could Google it and let you know but I cant be bothered to search LeAnn because I’m not drunk enough to deal with the pages and pages of bullshit that pop up. They arrive at Dad’s house and will stay in a tour bus on his property. Really? This is scripted garbage and we're not buying even one frame of it.

We meet dad, young wife, and LeAnn’s nephew. She is trying so hard to impress her dad and it is sad. I can’t help but feel a little sorry for this woman. She has multiple personalities and none of them are cute. She mentions wanting fried toenails of some kind and I’m rolling my eyes. She speaks of missing her dad and wanting to be with him, yet is spending no time with him. Eddie is going to fake that he likes Dad.

Eddie is shooting guns with dad and says he is going to show them how they shoot in the movies, then references a movie he made for television 16 years ago. Poor Eddie. He’s such a loser. LeAnn is doing interviews, which I don’t get because nobody is really interested in her. She finishes her interviews and goes home, arriving too late to visit with her dad. She is in bed with Eddie wearing sweats and a ponytail. Yikes.

She said earlier Eddie would divorce her if she wore that everyday, yet there she is. Eddie clearly doesn’t have a good relationship with his father-in-law. Maybe because he is a cheater who made his little girl a whore? Just a guess.  Eddie is roping a fake cow while LeAnn heads out. Again. She ropes the cow from a foot away. Impressive. Time for a sound check for her Tuesday night charity concert at the Opry.

She is singing songs from Spitfire, which nobody bought and only know as the album written by a whore about what it is like to be a whore. Interesting choice. Back at Dad’s house, Eddie tells us he has ridden horses a million times in movies. Really? 20 years ago? Eddie falls off his horse and Dad calls him Hollywood, which was funny. Time for LeAnn to pretend she is popular and loved as an artist.

Dad asks LeAnn if she is going to sing Blue, which struck me as sweet. She’s mean to him and says she sings other things. She should've sung Blue instead of whore anthems. She wants to make her dad proud, yet does not sing a country song he knows and likes. LeAnn Rimes is just so dumb and I am leaving the Opry feeling bad for her Dad and finding her even more unlikable, which I thought was impossible.

Morning comes and they’re having a scripted moment of Dad telling his daughter he is proud. Heartbreaking really. Sidebar: We are asked to think it is early morning before they leave back to Los Angeles, but they appear to all be drinking beers. VH1 clearly put little money into this show and hired editors who are blind in one eye. Dad and LeAnn sing Jesus Loves Me and it is beautiful. It is truly a lovely moment.

One cannot watch this show and not think it would actually be a great show if it were LeAnn and her first husband Dean. They were a sweet couple and I think I would have liked that show. This one, not so much. I am happy to report I made it through another week and my eyes aren’t bleeding! My ears are, but baby steps. This show is truly horrible, these people are uninteresting, and cancelling it is the only way to keep it real.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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