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Jewish Journal

LeAnn and Eddie Week 2 Recap

by Ilana Angel

July 24, 2014 | 8:39 pm

Typos are brought to you by National Tequila Day. 

This show is like dumpster diving. You hold your breath, jump in, and search through garbage looking for something good, which you never find. It is poorly written, painfully acted, and in the end just garbage. The only reason I watch is because I am paid to. The only reason I blog, is so that you don’t have to watch.

We start at the fake house in Malibu they rented to shoot in. Eddie has planned a “date night” with a chef cooking and staying in. He is happy to be home so they don’t have to deal with paparazzi. This is so lame. LeAnn is having a girl’s weekend with her friends, and Eddie says he needs a guy weekend where he can hang with hookers. Not even joking.

These two have zero chemistry. Cut to LeAnn hanging out with friends in her fake kitchen. She says she was raised in the Deep South. Really? She was born in Mississippi, which is the Deep South, but left when she was 6 to Texas, not so deep. She says in one breath she is southern, then insisted she is more LA since coming here at age 15.

Is she southern or not? Her friend Lizzie is distracting because she has rather unfortunate facial injections and is in need of a makeup artist. They talk about nothing, pretending to be interesting, when Eddie walks in. You can almost see him standing in the hallway waiting for his cue to enter. Dear Lord. This is one bad actor. His lack of work makes sense.

Eddie tells LeAnn he has been offered a part on Dallas. She wants to be supportive because she wants him to feel like a man who supports his family. Really? He hasn’t supported her or their life together for 5 years so why start now? Sidebar: I wonder if LeAnn is prettier in person because the camera is simply unkind to her to face.

Eddie is at a boxing lesson, wanting us to think he works out. He tells his coach he was offered a regular role on TV and could be gone for a long time. He told LeAnn it might be regular, so what is it? He speaks of how hard it was for him to shoot in Chicago. Really? That show shot for 5 minutes and was quickly cancelled. Eddie is delusional.

LeAnn is at lunch saying Joyce from RHOBH said Brandi needs rehab. Is this bitch for real? Does she have nothing to talk about but Brandi? LeAnn shows pictures of Eddie’s kids and says they will always be connected because of the kids. No they won’t. When he dumps her leaking ass she will never see those boys again. What an idiot.

Why is it always her who shows pictures of the kids? They're not hers and she must knock that off. If he shows them I get it, but this is weird. Especially since he insisted the kids do not appear on Brandi’s show. I get all worked up watching these idiots. Thank God it is National Tequila Day and I can do a few shots to take the edge off this mess.

We spend 5 minutes watching these chicks order lunch. She has nothing to share but lunch orders?  LeAnn says you can be southern and not eat white flour. She is southern again. A little bipolar on her roots. In an attempt to be more “country”, the girls are going ATV riding. That is southern? I am sick of her telling us she is southern. Tequila please.

Back with Eddie, he is working on a truck with his assistant. Cute kid. His “agent” miraculously calls and tells Eddie he has gotten a good deal with Dallas. Eddie says that as a “working actor”, he needs to make choices that are hard. He is not working so that is funny. If the goal is to make us think he is putting his kids first, that is not happening.

Eddie doesn’t work because Eddie doesn’t have to work. He is a lazy ass who is sucking his wife dry and when the money is gone, so will he be. Period. The girls are out at Oil Can Harry’s, which is an LA treasure. It is a gay bar in the valley that has country night once a week. Leann’s boots are interesting. One of the girls has told the DJ LeAnn is in the house.

Like everyone didn’t know. She gets on stage and sings Can’t Stop the Moonlight. She says it is fun to “randomly” get on stage and sing. I am laughing my ass off. Randomly? Whatever. She pulls a couple of guys up on stage to sing with her and it is a moment where I like her. Just like last week, there are 3 seconds out of 22 minutes where she is likable.

One can only imagine how different her life would be if she did the right thing. She needs to apologize for being a twat, divorce the leach, write songs about being a regretful whore, and she'll get her career back. It is not that complicated. Instead she stays with a man who clearly does not love her, and continues to dig her hole deeper and deeper.

LeAnn gets home drunk and bangs around the kitchen getting ice cream, when Eddie walks in as if he was woken by the nose. This show is just so dumb. First of all, she would make a b-line for him not the fridge, and secondly he tells her he spoke with his agent and it strikes me as odd he would not discuss such an important decision with his wife.

By odd of course I mean it would be odd if they were really in love, but he is just an employee. He tells her the offer was a long weekend every two weeks, but it was actually three. He didn’t memorize his lines. Dumbass. He tells LeAnn he has made a decision and will call the agent in the morning. Didn’t he say he’d call before the end of the day?

Can someone help Mr. Cibrian with his lines? Poor dear is struggling with the script. Eddie says he isn't taking the job because he'll be gone for 3 weeks at a time. Oh. My. God. Now he remembers his lines? LeAnn plays supportive wife and feels bad he has to make such hard choices. She is really crying because the loser is still unemployed.

He talks of family coming first. Did his family come first when he cheated and allows his whore to speak badly about the mother of his children? Just curious. LeAnn cries, fakes being drunk, and declares her love. He carries her off, stopping to bang her head against the wall. This show is hilarious and has mastered not ever keeping it real.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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